Another Chance, Eh?

Last month, there was a time when I thought about Mr Canada. I couldn't understand why things just ended. I have his email address and I actually thought about emailing him to test the waters. However, it's a ballsy move and well, what if he had moved on? What if he's in a committed relationship, so I let it be.

Coincidentally, two weeks ago, I received a LinkedIn message from him. We had been connected last year after finding out we work in the same industry. His message asked if I was interested in an opportunity with his company. I laughed. Out loud (which is one of the perks of working from home because in an office, people would assume I jumped off the deep end). 

Was it fate? Pssh. Probably not. I don't really believe in these kind of things.

Nevertheless, I was curious. I get a lot of LinkedIn messages from headhunters for my experience in a particular software. In fact, perhaps all the messages and connect invites I get are for the software I support. Sincerely, I was curious what Mr Canada's opportunity entailed.

I had deleted his number a while back, so I decided to log back on to OkCupid because I'm pretty sure I saved his private messages which may have contained his phone number. After about 2 days, I sent him a text message. We had a short texting conversation where I said I was interested to hear about the job. I ended the conversation with, "Let's talk later about this." Then I stayed silent.

That it until he sent me a message late last week to see if I wanted to catch up over coffee this week. You could say that I'm already playing games with Mr Canada, but truthfully, I had my hesitations. I knew I'd be opening a can of worms when I had sorta gotten over him last year. Was I ready for this? You'd think I wasn't since my endgame for talking to him was to make him want me (again). All of this would be hidden under the pretense of "looking for a new job" even though I've been at my current job a little over 5 months. 

I decided to meet him for coffee to test the waters. Coffee at 6pm on a Monday at a Starbucks. I got there early to beat traffic and to get comfortable with my surroundings. I killed some time by playing games on my phone. I looked out the window now and then. Eventually, I saw him walking briskly. The game was starting to begin as I started to be friendly and nonchalant.

He walked in and I looked up with a smile. He walked towards me, so I got up and we hugged. He could see that I already started with a venti tea combo, so I told him to go get his coffee and I'd wait. 

Be still, my heart. My heart was beating so fast and my hands were shaking as he got his drink. I was nervous. He clearly dressed well for work and he looked great. 

When he sat down in front of me, he started asking me about my tea and making fun of me about caffeine. I had a venti tea, but it was only that big because the barista, upon my request for the Tazo Joy tea (which is seasonal), mixed the Awake and the green tea together to imitate Joy. 

He got right down to the business though, telling me about his company which I knew had been acquired by another large company. The memories started coming back to me about how last year we were going through the same acquisition issues. Things seem to be going well for him and his employer since, contrary to most acquisitions, the bigger company is letting the small company make changes to the entire organization. We talked about the industry and he wanted to talk more in-depth about my experience with my current software and what it was like working for a Big 4 consulting firm. 

Eventually, when I looked at my watch, I noticed it was 7:22pm, so I asked if he wanted to get dinner. We started thinking about where to go and well, I'm not one to push, so I agreed to his suggestion for Cheesecake Factory. We each drove there and we had a pleasant meal. Actually, come to think of it, our meals were nearly identical to the meals we had on our first date: he ordered salmon and i got an ahi tuna salad. Ok, I really should stop detailing my observations.

Towards the end of dinner when Mr Canada was handling the bill, I decided to flat out ask if he wanted to go out sometime. I joked that I wondered if I scared him with our last running date. He explained (and this might not be the truth) that he got busy last year after our date and by the time he was free, it had already been 3 weeks since we last contacted each other. So he decided to let go. 

I have to admit that it felt good to hear this, but once again, it might not be true. There's still the possibility that he feels like things are platonic between us. 

But he said "sure" to going out. Then he stopped and was like, "Wait...you're single, right?" Duh, man. Why would I ask you out even if it was a general thing. 

Talking to him that night, reminded me of how much chemistry there is between us. I don't know if it's all the work-talk or what, but admittedly, yea, I'm falling for him again. Besides Friday, Mr Canada was the only other one I fell hard for. 

It's still so hard to not think so much about him. This is just my weakness once I meet someone I like. I'm doing my damnedest to have no expectations. Unfortunately, I feel like I'm in for another game with Mr Canada. 

At this point though, important things first: decline the job courtship. After talking to my dad and listening to my own logic, I shouldn't leave my current job when the software I'm working on is doing so well and better than Mr Canada's software. Secondly, would I want to date a potential coworker especially if it's someone like Mr Canada? No. You don't shit where you eat. I learned the hard way a few years ago with PJ. I would never put myself in that situation ever again. 

So now, I just have to figure out the best time and way to tell Mr Canada that I can't move forward with joining his company now. It would definitely be something I'd be interested in once I want to quit my software, but for now, I'm fine where I am. 

I need to look out for my own best interest.