carol's cookiejar

Meeting Z

2012-02-12T13:48:00.004-05:00

If it weren't for OKCupid, I wouldn't be going on these small dates. I came across Z's profile a few weeks ago and we've been sending messages back and forth. Our initial phone conversation was kind of funny, but let me give you a quick run down about Z.

Z's a few years older than me, works in IT, and is part of the National Guard. This means once a month he goes down to Savannah for drill for a weekend. He's not really athletic, but he hikes and is quite the traveler.

Z called me a few days ago and when we talked on the phone, I asked him what he does for a living. Normally, I'd avoid this question up front because it's kind of a dreaded question used to judge and categorize people based on their occupation. Z explained what kind of IT work he does, and it sounded very similar to what The Colombian does, plus it was in the same city/area. So I asked Z if he worked for ABC Company. There was a brief silence before Z answered yes. I started laughing and I rattled on all the people I know from ABC Company. I must've scared him.

I can't remember if he suggested coffee or froyo, or if I did. Apparently, I didn't scare him enough for him to turn me down. When we mentioned free time, we were both free Friday evening. I changed coffee/froyo to dinner because even though we're trying to make it as "non-date" as possible, who the hell meets for coffee on a Friday night when it's prime-time dinner time? We agreed to meet in The Forum in Norcross.

Of course, the day before our date, I talked to The Colombian. He seemed a little surprised, but he told me that Z was very "down to earth" and "cool." I kinda felt like he was tooting his own horn when he said he and Z are very similar. Nevermind the info, I planned to meet with no expectations. Setting the bar low is much better than setting the bar high like I did for Cowboy.

Come Friday night, I meet Z outside Barnes & Noble. He looks better in-person than his photos, but he didn't blow me away with his looks. He was honest about his height at 5'9." He was a gentleman with opening doors and he paid for dinner. We got along well although it was kind of a rocky start at first when we're trying to figure out what to talk about. After dinner, when we were walking out of the restaurant, I was slightly clumsy trying to navigate around this huge group of people. Z was walking behind me and I think I felt him put a hand on the right side of my back/shoulder to steady me. I thought that was kind of endearing. Am I weird for thinking that?

Since he paid for dinner, I offered to pay for froyo for dessert. I think we felt a little more comfortable after dinner. We joked about Family Guy and Modern Family since I drove us to Menchie's for froyo. The evening ended relatively early because I mentioned I had a 10k to run the next morning.

I tried to be casual about saying goodbye. I really wanted to get home. It's not to say I didn't have a good time. Everything was kind of normal, nothing too exciting. We hugged goodbye in the car.

Saturday morning after my 10k, during my busyness to get home and get to the salon, I got a text from Z. He said he had a good time, thanked me for froyo and wanted to see if I wanted to meet up again some time. I replied sure. I figure we can be friends right? Or am I sort of leading him on?

I already mentioned to Z that I want to move out of GA and that I'm specifically looking at either LA or SF. Although we're not serious or anything, but I've thought about this before. I don't think I would ever move for someone I care about (besides friends in Portland and LA hahaha!) and I wouldn't expect anyone to move for me. I'm hoping this is a sign of personal growth that I am becoming more independent.

So yesterday, Z and I conversed a bit by text about the weather. About an hour ago, he asked me about my schedule this week. I guess I might be going out with him again this week (and it won't be Valentine's Day because I'm busy with work that day). I'm fairly certain that no one could convince me to stay in Georgia, except for my family.

We'll see how this week goes. I haven't put any eggs in any particular basket.

Getting Social

2012-02-12T10:55:00.002-05:00

I'll post about my Friday night date soon. I need some time to collect my thoughts, so for now you get to hear about my adventures with friends, old and new.

Earlier this week, for some odd reason, I felt really low. I really felt like hanging out with people. So Cherry and I had our own happy hour on Wednesday after work. Our friends/coworkers couldn't make it, so sadly it was just us, BUT we had a good time talking and getting to know each other. We're going to try hanging out again soon before our tequila tasting at No Mas Cantina.

I also made plans early in the week to hang out with Ken. Originally, I wanted to get drunk but the problem with living "outside the Perimeter" (for those non-GA folks, this is what "OTP" stands for and it means you live outside the Interstate 2-85 circle) is that I have to be sober enough to get myself home. The only way I can drunk is hanging out near my house or having The Colombian or RB as my designated driver. Needless to say, I didn't get drunk last night as planned.

However, I had a good burger at Farm Burger with Ken, Michigan and Michigan's boyfriend.

Haha! I don't know what to say about this picture. My scarf looks so perfect on me with its array of colors. My nose looks like a ski-jump, and my grin is on the border of excitement and creepiness. I look particularly happy at the sight of cow udders on the window.

I forgot to mention that I got my hair cut/trimmed yesterday after my 10k run. Quick note about the 10k, I finished around 1 hr and 2 minutes or so. I was 2-3 minutes ahead of RB and I gunned it at the last 300 feet, passing at least 5 people.

I didn't take pictures of my Farm Burger food because well, I have a crappy phone that doesn't allow me to instantly share photos and I'll be damned if I'm carrying my little Sony Cybershot only to have someone take a pic of me to be on the "Pictures of Asians Taking Pictures of Their Food" or whatever it's called.

Farm Burger was just alright. I really should save this for a Yelp review. I built my own burger and I think the only things I enjoyed on the burger were the Farm Burger sauce and homemade pickles. The pimento cheese fries were alright. My choice of drink was an "adult float" which was a chocolate stout with a scoop of ice cream. I may have only enjoyed the ice cream part but the beer wasn't bad.

I think I picked some good company for dinner. This was my first time hanging out with Michigan outside of the office - which is nice for a change because it only goes to show that she and I seem to get along (aka "we both like food.") Ken and I rarely hang out, so I thought it was time for change since I met so many of his friends at his birthday. We had some good banter, some silly conversation and overall, I think we all had a good time. Hopefully, we didn't give off the impression that it was a double-date, because it wasn't. We trekked over to Taco Mac for more beer, but I made it back home at 10:30pm or so all sobered up. I don't know how else to describe this except everything felt normal. Hanging out wasn't terrible, but it wasn't "OMG! I had SUCH a GOOD TIME!" I have to wonder if that's what it all comes down to after we're too told to be clubbing. I wasn't much of a clubber anyway.

Normally, I'm hanging out with RB and The Colombian. We haven't hung out together lately, and since I have few local friends, I've felt the need for more social interaction. My world has felt so small, I figured branching out is the best thing I can do for myself whether it's with a group or a date. I've tried making friends before, but I was not successful. I think it's because I was too eager and had such high expectations with each person I met. I've learned to be more laid-back, but I've also realized that people will return the same friendly sentiments if they really want to hang out with you. Like love, friendship is something that can't be forced.

This leads me to love and Valentine's Day. I'm going to be single, but I'm not going to be bitter about it because it's just not me. Being bitter is unattractive for any girl. I'm going to appreciate the family and friends I have in my life. I don't know who I'd be without them.

Forgotten Productivity

2012-02-09T12:23:00.001-05:00

I think I've forgotten what it's like to be productive. Since coming back from my vacation nearly 2 weeks ago, I haven't wanted to do additional work from the office at home. I like to think that I feel better and I'm well-rested by leaving my work laptop in the car. However, stress plagues me when I start thinking about how procrastination and laziness are going to bite me in the ass each upcoming week.

My derriere has yet to be munched on. So you can imagine how I wince as each week passes because I know that upcoming bite is going to get worse.

However, I did start putting effort into cleaning up earlier this week. Of all things, I cleaned my bathroom, the sink and the mirror. I started clearing the piles of clothes, although I have started a few new piles. At least the clean, folded clothes are separated from the articles of clothing that I tried on and tossed aside. I felt good about myself for finally doing something.

This morning, at work, I started editing my resume. I think I've got all the content now, but it does need some improvement on layout. I'm going to see if i can get some feedback and then I'll start the process of job-hunting.

Little steps. I know I can do this.

Random Texts and Calls

2012-02-05T17:16:00.001-05:00

It's not because I've been giving out my cell phone number, but I've had some interesting interactions since yesterday when I was driving back home from Tybee Island with RB. Before I start sharing, I wanted to mention some funny or interesting things that happened on our sojourn to south Georgia.

RB and I were signed up to run a half-marathon at Tybee Island. We've always called it "Beer Run" because of the web address "tybeerun" looking like "beer run." We finally did this run this year after talking about it years ago. I was pretty happy that for this trip it was just going to be me and RB. We got some good "girl time" in during the drive. I don't know if she knows how much I appreciate just having her company without The Colombian. I don't have anything against The Colombian, but sometimes it's nice when your friend(s)' significant other isn't tagging along.

I made the mistake of driving to the Ocean Plaza hotel when I had reservations at the Howard Johnson. That was kind of embarrassing because the Ocean Plaza receptionist actually called HoJo for me. I'm so stupid, but I truly blame it on all the hotel stays I've had the past month. Of course, RB is laughing at me and I KNOW she's going to tell The Colombian about how ditzy I can get to go to the wrong hotel.

Anyway, we check into the HoJo and there are all sorts of weird noises. First, we hear a couple in the room next to us having sex. Then we hear a loud screeching noise and the only way I can describe it is to say it sounds like a tea kettle. RB then likes to joke that someone's making tea. As clean as the room was and as comfortable as the beds were, the hotels walls were thin. I thought it was kind of rude for some parents to start yelling in the hallway at 6am to wake up their kids. I never sleep well on the nights before races, but a little quiet and respect would've been appreciated.

We made it through the half-marathon. I hit a wall around mile 5 and felt like I had to stop to walk. This continued on and off for the next mile or so. I can't even remember consistently running again until about miles 8 through 10. This was definitely one of my worst half-marathons. I crossed the finish line a little bit before the timer said 2 hrs and 32 minutes. RB was waiting for me at the end of the line.

As usual after any race, we were hungry and thirsty. RB and I got breakfast at The Sunrise cafe. I didn't have as large of an appetite as I usually do, so I settled for a Belgian waffle and 2 scrambled eggs, which I didn't even finish. We went back to the hotel to pack and check out. I decided to forego the shower since I knew I'd shower again once I got home. the 4 hour drive back went by pretty quickly as RB and I were chatting most of the way.

The most surprising thing for me out of the entire day was getting a text from Soccer. I was kind of shocked because I figured he forgot about me. Turns out he thought of me because he saw an Audi on the road and remembered how I said "Audi drivers are assholes." To be clear, I only mean that the drivers drive like assholes - not necessarily that the drivers ARE assholes. The conversation has been very limited even today. Perhaps, that's all there is to us - we're still just acquaintances.

I also got a text from Michigan who was asking about my date with Cowboy. I told her the same thing I said in my last post. It's strange because it was the first time Michigan ever texted me about something personal. I think we're becoming friends. The only time we kept texting each other was when we were out in California, texting each other to figure out rides to work and company events.

An old coworker called me, too. I meant to call or email her to see if we could meet up for another dinner soon. I actually had fun talking to her and some of the other older ladies at my old job. So I think we're going to try to schedule another dinner or lunch next month.

Strangely, it felt nice to be contacted by all these people who I don't expect to hear from. I felt good about it. I feel like maybe I am finally doing something right with my social life?

But really, why can't I just date someone like Soccer or PJ? Why can't I meet a good guy who's local? I don't know why dating is plaguing me lately. I don't think it's because Valentine's Day is coming up. I can be fine on my own, but I miss some excitement. I want that excitement with dating around. I hate to make it seem like the on-going theme lately is "Go West," but it is. I'm starting to know what it feels like for that quintessential "girl from a small town" who wants to move somewhere bigger.

Cowboy Luncheon

2012-02-05T16:10:00.001-05:00

Friday, I went to the office so I could conveniently stop by Jason's Deli to have lunch with Cowboy.

I stopped by the post office next door to Jason's Deli to send out a package. I was still early, so I waited outside Jason's Deli, cleaning out junk from my purse while waiting for the Cowboy to show up. I didn't realize until a few minutes later that Cowboy had sent me a text saying he was here already. I looked around but didn't see him. So I walked into the restaurant, but didn't see anyone in the front. So I called him on my phone.

Me: Hi! Where are you?
Cowboy: I'm behind you.
Me: You are? (turning around)
Cowboy: *laughs* The other way.
Me: I don't see you... (turning again)
Cowboy: I'm getting up.

Behind the pillars, I see a guy standing up. Finally, the moment of truth...

He didn't look very much like his pics. He's supposed to be much taller than me, but because he has bad posture, he's not as tall as he could be. The worst part might have been when he opened up his mouth. I had a deja vu moment: the time I met Daffy and heard his lips. This time with Cowboy, it was a deep Southern accent spoken in a puberty-cracking voice. I started dreading our upcoming meal, but I still thought I'd be nice and polite through lunch - he paid for lunch after all.

I had an okay time talking to him. I think it took him a few minutes to warm up to me, but he talked a lot that he hardly ate his sandwich. We talked about our college experiences, comparisons between ourselves and our siblings, car preferences, and our shopping habits. This guy likes to shop and he's thinking about getting a Mini Cooper. I don't mean to be judgmental, but this guy was almost borderline gay. I didn't mind the conversation and I don't mind making a new friend, but he wasn't everything I thought he would be from his profile.

We had lunch for a little bit over an hour, but I had to excuse myself since RB and I were gonna go run a half-marathon in Tybee Island. Later on in the evening, I got a text message from Cowboy: "It was great meeting you today. I hope you and your friend have a great time at your race. I look forward to getting to know you better." I was a little surprised. I guess he thought the meeting went well. I texted back, "Thanks! it was great meeting you too. We just got to Tybee. Have a great weekend! :) " I'm not completely dismissing him, but I just have a general "meh" feeling about him.

That's all that happened. I'm hoping to have some more dates lined up for fun. I have this feeling that I'm not going to stay here in Georgia very long. I really should get my butt moving on my resume and start the job-hunting process soon. Ugh...I hate job searching.

Back In The Game

2012-02-02T19:14:00.001-05:00

I've been pretty busy the past few weeks. Lots of work, lots of fun and good memories. Most importantly, I feel like there's a slight shift in my goals now as to what I want to do. Let's see if I can cover all these points:

Despite being at this job for less than a year, I feel like I want to find another job. How can I truly enjoy my vacation when I put in 2 hours of work during my vacation time and my work is still hanging over my head?
California is calling my name, whether it's San Francisco or Los Angeles. I want to move there for the food and better dating options.
I need to clear up my skin on my body. It's obviously because of eczema and the dry winter, but I'm kinda embarrassed to be naked in front of anyone (not like the chance is coming anytime soon) because I've got rashes and scars on my body.

So, the title of this post is really to say that I'm back in the game. I'm making an effort to meet people (ahem, guys) and to make friends (or so I say on OkCupid). Yes, I'm back on that cursed site. I'm trying to make girl friends too. I'm just really putting myself out there because I think I need something to look forward to during the week when I've got work. It's not to say that I'm tired of RB, but I feel the need to branch out. If I can't get myself out to California right away, I might as well make the best with what I have here in Georgia.

I have a lunch date tomorrow with Cowboy. Cowboy is 34 years old, half-Asian and gets his name because he's worked on a family equestrian farm before. I think he's attractive in his photos and he's tall, like 5'11". Of course, we could say that I can't make judgments about him yet because I haven't interacted with him in-person, but he seems like an honest guy. I'm trying to have little expectations for him because, well, let's be frank: I've got baggage from meeting 32 on the same dating site.

But, even if nothing comes out of this lunch date, I wouldn't mind making another friend.

I should mention some other people in this post too, just so we can gossip. Haha..

A few weekends ago, I attended my friend Ken's birthday party where I met some new people. I actually approached one girl because I thought she might've been an acquaintance from middle school, but it turns out she's not. We still talked a lot for the whole night. We'll call her Cherry because that's her last name - funny, huh? Cherry and I have made plans to go to a tequila tasting next month - I'm kinda excited about it. We tried getting more people to go, but tickets were sold out. However, we'll invite our other friends to the restaurant after the tasting - although, we're likely to be hammered from shots of tequila.

Another person I met was Soccer. I think he kinda zoomed in on me after he walked into the party. He's friends with Ken's friend, and unfortunately he's not from Georgia. He's from Connecticut and was just visiting for the weekend for work. I've aptly named him Soccer because he's a soccer coach for an Ivy league college. After Ken's party, Soccer, his friend and I went to a bar for drinks, but Soccer's friend left us to rescue some drunk girl. We had a few hours to ourselves talking about lots of things including dating. At the end, I had to take him back to his hotel (because his friend couldn't make it back) and he asked me for my phone number. I friended him on Facebook. That was it. Nothing else happened. We texted the following day, but I'm just really hesitant to do anything. What good is a relationship that's founded on long-distance? Soccer and I actually did talk about long-distance relationships. I guess that's all there is with him for now. I told him to let me know if he's ever in town again.

So I realize that this post is all over the place. Seriously, I've had a lot of good feelings the past week but never the time to document all this stuff. Now I just sit back and I think about how great it'd be to be in California. I know I have to make things happen if I want to be over there.

Lessons From My Mom

2012-01-14T21:17:00.001-05:00

The biggest lesson I've learned this week is...

Do not leave all your sex toys in one drawer in your nightstand. My mom found my stash when she wandered into my room looking for something (isn't she always?), but I'm sure she's more traumatized than me.

Actually, that's not the biggest lesson I've learned this week, but let's just say that I've had some impromptu life/love lessons from my mom the past few days.

The mother-daughter relationship between my mother and I has gotten better compared to what it was years ago. There are still some things that I'm not comfortable sharing i.e. I occasionally use vibrators and lying through my teeth that "Yes, I am a virgin." It's almost a "coming of age" thing for me even though it's considerably late as I just turned 29. However, I like to think that our relationships/friendships constantly evolve. In another 5-10 years, I anticipate that I'll reach a new level of understanding my mother if I get married or have children.

I shared some issues that RB has recently had with her fiance. My mom divulged some of the insecurities she had when she first came to the United States to live with my dad, after they were married. Her answer was that everything requires some tolerance and patience, otherwise, everyone would be divorced now. "Let go of the small things," she said. She made an example of my dad's tendency to leave a mess behind him wherever he goes. Truthfully, he can't really change that habit since that's the way my grandparents were with their household: things were left here and there. Also, as my dad was the youngest of four children, there was a period of time when my grandma couldn't take care of him, so he was taken care of by my aunt and uncle who were respectively 10 and 7 years older than him. Naturally, dad doesn't realize that his "messes" are considered an irritating habit for the rest of us who clean up after him, but I guess there are other qualities that make him a good person.

Mom shared how apprehensive she was to be starting her life in a foreign country. She didn't have a job, but had to stay with my dad in Florida as he studied for his graduate degree. She arrived in February of 1982 and shortly became pregnant - as I am a December baby. I was kind of an accident. She wasn't happy with her life because of these big changes even after I was born. While dad was "studying" or "napping," she would take me outside so I wouldn't bother him. However, upon coming back, she'd find him watching tv and not studying. Additionally, her hands were always full with holding me. So she brought me with her to Taiwan for 6 months. My mom had a chance to rest and relax. When 6 months passed, which was the maximum length of time the VISA would allow her to stay, she considered not returning back to the US for my dad. She said, "Distance does not make the heart grow fonder." However, she returned because she had to.

That last lesson resonates with me as I've been through a long distance relationship before. I'm also wary of it with PJ even though we're not dating or anything. Because, if it's so difficult to maintain a LDR, what are the chances of a budding LDR being easy when there's still so much to learn about each other? Plus, the beginning of a relationship is kind of the fun part. I want that kind of excitement with someone I can see and spend quality time with in-person.

I think things with PJ have settled a bit now. I've been doing what I can to keep my mind off him this week. I've got a list of to-do items since I've been out of town the past two weekends. There are also some things I need to get done before I leave for Portland and Los Angeles. Meanwhile, work has gotten busy again, but this time I feel comfortable being submerged into work as I feel more comfortable with it. There's only so much chatting, social media, and browsing one can do in a day! Haha. I'm kidding.

Overall, I'm close to living the life I've wanted. I have no obligations to anyone but myself. It's probably better this way before I get myself involved with anyone again. My feelings about being single run a gamut of emotions. Some days, I'm hopeful that I'll meet the right guy. Then there are days when I feel like I'm just going to die alone. I realize I just have to deal with it. I need to tell myself to do more things for me so I forget about being single. Life is short. I should enjoy what I have now or do more to enjoy my life.

Like getting a good orgasm from a vibrator. But still, I have my mom to dispense her words of wisdom: "Did you know that [sex toys] can break your [vagina]?"

No, mom, I didn't and thanks to you, I'm afraid to open that nightstand drawer now knowing you may have touched my things.

The Dumb Things I Do

2012-01-10T09:46:00.001-05:00

In the last 24 hours, I've done some stupid things.

First, when I got off work, I walked to the wrong car in the parking lot. There was another same year and same model of a silver Accord just like mine. I was a little shocked when I walked towards it because I wondered, "How did my car get so dirty?" Then upon seeing all the junk in the backseat, I concluded this was definitely not my car.

Secondly, I left work early to go buy a paper calendar at the mall closer to my house. I figured I'd stop by Godiva to pick up my complimentary monthly chocolate. The Godiva chocolate-dipped macaroons are my weakness. I bought three of them and some marked down holiday chocolates. I was feeling sorry for myself for most of the day because of PJ (yes, we can blame him hahaha) so I ate 2 of the macaroons and 4 chocolates in almost one sitting. Keep in mind, these macaroons fit in the palm of my hand, so they're not small. I regretted eating these things later when my tummy started hurting around 11 or 12 at night. Then I started wondering if all the running I had done was in vain. Also, I didn't work out yesterday, so I felt pretty certain that I was going to cry when I stopped on the scale this morning.

...I lost a pound. OK! All the more reason to start running more half-marathons. My tummy still feels uneasy though.

So the last thing I did was stay up late which I only did because I worked more hours from home. I talked to Al and Ken, but more so Al because she's so awesome. She listened to me talk about PJ and how I said I was going to ignore him. But then before I was about to go to sleep, she convinced me to call him. So much for ignoring him, right? I dialed and held my breath, half-hoping that he would pick up. Right when I was about to give up, PJ picked up with a "Hellooo." Definitely one of my most nerve-wracking moments as I said, "Hi! Um..I thought you weren't going to pick up. *giggle*" I'm such a dork. We talked for about 15 minutes: I described the marathon to him, he told me about his adorable dog, and he apologized for being so busy. He actually promised to call me tomorrow (which means today), but I told him not worry about it if he's busy. After all, I don't want to become a chore or something (and trust me, I know what it was like to call someone regularly).

I went to bed feeling happy and at peace. So, calling a guy wasn't the dumbest thing I've ever done except I sounded dumb on the phone. In fact, calling PJ might've been a smart thing to do without playing "games" and worrying myself to death (thanks Al!!).

Lessons learned... 1) Remember where I parked my car, 2) Lay off on the chocolate, and 3) Call the guy if you're thinking of him.

WDW 1/2 Marathon and Such

2012-01-09T21:43:00.001-05:00

I'm back from my second half-marathon which was at Walt Disney World in Orlando. Although I haven't ran that many half-marathons, this time was my personal best at 2 hrs, 23 minutes and 8 seconds. The course was great in that there weren't too many hills and every mile was entertaining. I drank Powerade at just about every water station, so I kept going without stopping. The only time we fully stopped was when RB wanted a picture with a yellow Lamborghini. Otherwise, we probably could have had a better time - but I have no regrets. I beat my Pensacola time by 3 minutes, which is weird because I actually stopped to walk in Pensacola.

Hopefully, I'll be doing more half-marathons this year. Yesterday, being the day after the half-marathon, was a very sore day for my thighs. I'm still feeling a bit sore today, but it's not quite as bad.

The run didn't really affect my skin, however the skin on my body is still pretty bad. My skin is dry from the cold weather in Atlanta, but rather than dry, flaky skin, I look like I have a bunch of bug bites on my arms, legs and torso. I do remember a particularly itchy night last week and during the stay in Orlando. Some parts are a little better but I suspect the recent itching is my skin trying to heal.

Then I have to wonder if some of this itching has to do with stress at work. I can't say I've been particularly stressed, but I have been putting off a lot of things just because I can't concentrate and I lack motivation. I'm not quite sure what it is. I'm just not interested in work.

I also have think it might have to do with PJ. I'm tired of these cat and mouse non-games. I'm going to try ignoring him. I'm tired of these highs and lows I go on. Currently, I'm at a low where I feel like he doesn't really want me if he's not contacting me. Man, I hate this. I wish work or something could really distract me.

I'm supposed to be doing work. I'm trying to keep myself with all sorts of stuff as my skin hurts. I hope this passes soon.

Non-Games

2012-01-06T02:36:00.001-05:00

So after my rant in my last post, I set my foot down on not "reaching" out to PJ. I tried distracting myself with work.

Then Chindian checked in with me on gchat. Obviously, I'm telling him about the "distance" conversation and why I think things won't work out. However, I think he's a bigger optimist than me despite how much he doubts himself sometimes. Lo and behold, PJ sends me an instant message at that moment.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I DO IT, BUT I HAVE THIS UNBELIEVABLE MAGIC POWER TO SUMMON PEOPLE BY TALKING ABOUT THEM BEHIND THEIR BACKS. This always happens with me and RB whenever we talk about Crazy. Hell, it happens when I'm talking to Chindian about Crazy, but THIS TIME Chindian actually got to witness my ability to call out PJ.

Ok, sorry for the caps. I'm going to look back on this one day and think to myself, "What the hell was wrong with me to get so excited over something so stupid?"

So PJ and I make small-talk since he usually opens with "hey gorgeous. how r u?" I start talking about how I feel so inadequate to work at our company. Then he actually has something work-related to ask me. While it's great that we can talk shop, I feel like work stuff is infiltrating my archive of gchat conversations. Then again, I'm not going to make him IM me over Skype (which is what our company uses) just for work-related questions. Anyway, cut to the chase, we're both busy our work that we ignore each other for the rest of the afternoon.

Tonight as I'm chatting with RB and watching Burn Notice, I hear an iPhone ringtone. I'm SO confused because I don't own an iPhone until I realize "Oh, haha! it's my iPad ringing!" Someone was ringing me on FaceTime and it could only be one person: PJ. I was really surprised. I certainly didn't plan on calling/texting him, but I didn't think he would contact me. And here's the part where I start getting over-analytical.

I tried to dig into his history of long-distance relationships. So he explained that there was a time, about 4-5 years ago, when he would be gone for 4 weeks at a time for work. I can imagine how lonely a business trip gets after a week or even two weeks, but a month might kill me. I know Fish already complains about his business trips. Anyway, there was one thing that PJ mentioned that piqued my interest (I hope I didn't mishear him). He said something along the lines of being different and older now. Therefore, the over-analytical side of me thinks, "Is he trying to say he could handle a LDR now?" Hmm.

Ok, I will try to stop thinking about that now. I will give him the benefit of the doubt that he actually wanted to talk to me tonight. And no, it wasn't so he could get some webcam lovin' from me DESPITE the fact that he did ask me to take my shirt off. I'm going to be firm on that one.

I'm going to Florida tomorrow morning to run a half-marathon at Walt Disney World. PJ knows about this and he actually said, "Call me when you're there." Should I A) Call him because he told me to, or B) "Be Cleopatra" and ignore his request?

Oh, games. We say we won't play them, but I really do. I call this a non-game.

The Magic Is Wearing Off

2012-01-05T16:05:00.001-05:00

One thing I've appreciated with this space is that I can always go back and re-visit the thoughts I had from a few weeks or even months ago. Sometimes, I start noticing patterns of how my mood fluctuates or how I've reacted to recurring events in my life, namely dating and "falling" in love. Hell, that's what this blog seems to be about most of the time besides hanging with RB.

So I've noticed that when I fall for a guy, I can't stop thinking about him. If possible, I will re-read saved text messages, gchat transcripts (thank you, Google, for auto-archiving my conversations) and Facebook-stalk him to see his photos and statuses. Yes, I just admitted all that. If Facebook isn't enough or if I'm not Facebook friends with him, I will google. You'd be surprised how much you can find on a person who isn't cautious about private information - it's like he actually wants to be found.

It's somewhat difficult for me to break this pattern until there's a new crush or if there's something to keep me distracted. Sometimes, work isn't enough to distract me...which is kind of a bad thing. I'm not quite sure if this "crushing" problem is detrimental to my work yet. I do feel like I should be more productive.

I'm actually kind of sad right now because yesterday, PJ and I had a small conversation which makes me think that "we" are ending soon. It's silly really because we're not even dating and yet we exchange "I miss yous" and "I wish you were heres" to each other. PJ admitted that he's done distance a couple of times and he "hated" it, but also feelings mutually die from not being able to make time for each other. I've done distance once and I know I'm not fit for it. In attempt to be mature about all this, I told him that 1) There are no strings attached, 2) I'll always be a coworker and friend (I'll try to), and 3) I understand if he wants to stop this.

He doesn't want to stop. He was just speaking openly with me. I'm glad about all this because I do want someone who can speak freely with me and I don't want to play games. I think these are important attributes to a pending distance relationship or whatever you want to call it.

The night before, on Tuesday night, he texted me to ask me how my day was. I texted back but never got a response. I'm thinking it's because he was being respectful of my time since it was close to midnight for me. So last night, after the "distance" conversation, I initiated a text conversation, received a response, but then that died too once again near midnight. Needless to say, I'm a little annoyed and I couldn't sleep because I've been reaching out to him. Thus, I'm a little sad because maybe our time is almost up. All the oxytocin and hopes and dreams are wearing off from that one night after the holiday party. (OK, that sounded so melodramatic, but humor me).

I know it's not the end of the world, but I feel defeated. I don't know if I'm speaking too soon, but it already feels like nothing will come out of this. I didn't really have any expectations, but there was a part of me that thought, "What if he is 'the one'?" This is just the optimist in me talking. I still don't really know him, but I have this desire to get to know him more. There's a lot going against us besides distance, such as work rules (even though the rules are nonexistent in our employee handbook) and cultural differences.

I'm pretty sure he's not playing me. I'm definitely not playing. However, I think it's only a matter of time before he finds a local girl or gets bored with me. It could be just as easy for me to find someone local to date too. It is what it is. This stuff will eventually pass.

What Flattery Can Get You...

2012-01-04T17:09:00.001-05:00

Me: i'm still trying to find a thing I'm good at, sell out, and then live rich hahahha
PJ: i always wanted a sugar mama :P
Me: the question is...do i want to be your sugar mama?
PJ: ouch
Me: hehe i kid!
PJ: yeh yeh. u probably want to find urself a brad pitt look alike as ur naughty boy
Me: eh, i don't find Brad Pitt attractive.
Me: i think you're handsome though
PJ: ok, fine, usher or whatever
Me: you're much sexier than Usher
PJ: :-D.. U just got yourself 30 mins of tongue action in between ur legs ;-)
Me: LOLOLOLLOL
Me: i'm a simple girl. i'll settle for 30 min of cuddling

Sometimes I think we're so stressed out with work that the "sex fiend" side of us manifests, even during work hours.

New Year's Eve

2012-01-01T23:30:00.001-05:00

For the first time in years, just like Christmas, I celebrated New Year's Eve without a significant other. I was with my favorite couple RB and The Colombian. We drove to Helen, GA which is kind of a faux-Bavarian/German town in North Georgia. Let me be frank: it's a kitschy tourist-trap, but we wanted to feel like we were somewhere else without the city-crowd. So we planned well enough to find a hotel within walking distance of most of the bars in the small town.

We checked in at our hotel around 3:30 or so, walked around town to eat a late lunch, looked at the small stores and even had some homemade ice cream. The weather was getting a bit chilly, so we returned to the hotel around 5 or so to get our coats and jackets. We took our time to use the bathroom and rest a bit before going to a bar around 6:30 or so. The town seemed kinda dead, but it was probably because most people haven't started partying yet. Old Heideldorf to Bigg Daddy's to Paul's Steakhouse (for the final midnight party), and a last stop at La Cabana before turning into the hotel.

The most interesting "stories" for me were at Paul's Steakhouse. A guy with lots of facial hair passed me and gave me look with a chin-nod. He later came back to me ask me if I was with anyone. I pointed out to RB and The Colombian that I was here with them. Then he tells me his friend is interested in me, points him out to me, and the only thing I could say was, "Isn't he a bit too old for me?" Ok, the guy might have been in his mid to late 40s, so maybe I was mean. Facial hair then explains his friend is interested in Asians and that well, it's kinda hard to date around. He respectfully left, but I did catch the old guy looking over at me later.

Later, facial hair's date comes over to talk to me. She asks where I'm from. There's something about how people just assume I'm not from around here just because we're Asian. So I say "Atlanta." Then she realizes she should ask ethnicity. Whenever I say "Taiwanese," most people only hear the first syllable so they assume I'm Thai. Dear reader, I know you're smarter than the average redneck or dumbass, so you know that Thailand is not the same as Taiwan. I run into this problem often here in Georgia. I had to repeat "Taiwan" a few more times over the loud music until she understood I wasn't Thai. Then she goes into an explanation of how her half-sister, who's 9-year-old, (there's a 22 year age difference) is part Thai. "She's beautiful and she looks just like you!" I politely said thank you and we partied on til the countdown.

Before we left Paul's, a guy started flirting with me by blowing one of those horn noisemakers. I blew mine back at him. I really don't remember much about him because it was so brief and we were on our way out to La Cabana.

The closer we got to La Cabana, we realized that this place was much more happening than Paul's. The people here were younger, the music was much better, and there were 3 levels of fun including a heated patio. We each took two shots of Patron and chatted with one random guy at the bar. He and I actually exchanged business cards because he works in the building next to me in Atlanta. He was so drunk though, I doubt he'll remember me. I honestly didn't care because I was having such a good time with RB and The Colombian.

We walked back to our hotel room. We were in fits of laughter while the movie "Saturday Night Fever" was playing on our television. I proceeded drunk-texting people.

Between me and Al...
Me: Omg os ficlgn buxxed
Al: Hahahahaha I love you
Al: I think you're a little more than buzzed there
Me: Imbbaout to go to sleep
Al: It's only 10:30 here!
Me: Soooo ts like 1 here
Al: Hahahaha but your texts are so funny when you're drunk
Me: Wehll have do nuch fun when we drink togjter

I also drunk-texted PJ telling him I wish he were here with me so I had someone to kiss at midnight. I'll go over this in a separate post.

The last thing I remember was singing along to the Bee Gees' "How Deep Is Your Love" which was playing on "Saturday Night Fever." I was drunkenly singing that song to sleep because it was in my head. I might've slurred a bit and annoyed RB and The Colombian since we were all supposed to go to sleep. The song was still in my head this morning. I woke up a few times in the middle of the night because I could hear The Colombian snoring. Funny how I'm getting used to sleeping in the same room with them - luckily, I have a bed to myself.

RB and I got up early though. I met her in the hotel breakfast lounge around 9am. We decided to walk down to the little stores for a little more exploration and exercise while The Colombian kept sleeping through the morning. We figured out where we wanted to go for brunch (back to Hofer's where we had our last post-race meal) and walked through the local general store which also sold produce and groceries.

Overall, I think we had a good time. This sure beats the other years where Jay and I used to get a hotel room near downtown to play Monopoly, so we could see fireworks and comfortably spend a night together. I'm glad I wasn't alone this year and although I couldn't be with someone (erm PJ), at least I know he was thinking of me too.

Ok, yea, I'm kinda smitten.

When I'm Sick...

2011-12-28T12:40:00.001-05:00

and not feeling "gorgeous"....

PJ: how r u gorgeous?
Me: i'm officially sick :( how are you?
PJ: aww that sucks. bad cold and cough?
Me: stuffy nose and my throat's itchy
PJ: haha. want me to bring u hot soup?
Me: if it's an excuse to see you, yes :) haha
PJ: it is my reason to see you

His words are sweet and they make me melt...ok, ok, it's cheesy and funny to imagine him seriously saying "it is my reason to see you" because i start imagining Raj from Big Bang Theory saying it. Now, I can't take it seriously.

But seriously, why am I getting swept away? It's not like he and I can see each other soon. I can't stop thinking about him and it's absolutely silly.

STOP IT, CAROL. STOP!

Holiday Loneliness

2011-12-24T19:21:00.001-05:00

I've always been with famliy during the Christmas holidays, but this is the first time in 7 years or so that I'm single. It's not so bad in that I don't have to spend money on a significant other and his family. However, it still makes me wish I had someone. Don't get me wrong. I do enjoy my singledom sometimes, but I can't help but feel I'm ready to move forward with something. Work has somewhat died down and I feel more comfortable with mt job.

I'm still trying to figure myself out. I've been reading the "Art of Seduction" and I'm trying to figure out what kind of flirt I am. While I haven't figured out what profile I fit, I do know that based on the guys I've dated (er, or slept with), they've said they like talking to me, so I suppose I'm fun to talk to. I think I'm somewhat good-looking. While I can be lazy, for the most part, I'm an active person.

I kind of want the holidays to be over so things go somewhat back to normal. For now, I think I'm just going to focus on family. My sister's at home so I suppose have some sisterly bonding to do. If I really need a body to hug and cuddle, I'll try to snuggle up with my mom haha. I have poor circulation in my hands and feet, so I think I'll just reach for my dad's hands if my hands are cold.

I'm starting to learn that it's all about perception. There are other ways to look at a situation and make the best of it. Like pretending the gym is my playground: I can pick what equipment I want to play on or play with. Pretend I've got no other care in the world besides myself - maybe that's what I need to do this weekend. I should be happy.

Reconciled, But Talk Dirty to Me

2011-12-24T13:11:00.001-05:00

I'm continuing from the "drama" left off last week from PJ - it wasn't too long ago, but if you need a re-link here we go. It's kind of difficult to tell if it was a period thing. My period came this week and I still have feelings for PJ even if it's kind of ridiculous. OK, maybe we should skip the period talk and move on.

Last week, I ate so much chocolate to make myself feel better PJ. Going to the gym kind of helped, but the problem was still there when I came home. So I finally decided I needed to say sorry. I didn't see him on my gchat list, which made me think he must have blocked me or something. I didn't feel like texting him. I saw him online on Facebook, but then he disappeared, which made me think he must've cut another method of communication. I started freaking out (and I realize now that it was really silly and he had NOTHING to do with it - it's some kind of phone/computer setting...ergh), so my last resort was sending him a FB personal message saying, "I'm sorry about earlier."

The next hour was agonizing for me. I felt desperate to talk to someone. Eventually, I saw RB online. FYI, RB and I are still testing our boundaries as best friends. I think I understand how it works now. Relationship problems are better said and shared online. We're not able to talk about these things on the phone (sometimes) and definitely not in-person. Nevertheless, I cracked and I finally had to tell her that I had a crush on PJ. She was aware that I got piss-ass drunk at the company party and puked in a coworker's car. She just didn't know that I slept with a coworker. She didn't have any advice for me, but I felt better telling her and I think she understands and doesn't judge me.

After an hour passed, PJ replied back to my FB message with, "It's ok. Let's talk tomorrow. Thanks for the apology." I felt relieved. I think this mattered to me because it also defines future work because he's a coworker. Granted I don't see him in-person often, BUT there's the potential for us to be working on projects together. Plus, he's also got seniority over me since he's a senior consultant and I'm still an associate.

I went to sleep feeling better after talking to RB and getting PJ's message.

The next day, I worked from home. I was hoping PJ would call, but he didn't. Understandably, we're all busy with work. At the end of the day, I sent him a text of "Hey :) it's finally friday." We made small talk and eventually I had to bend and say, "I'm sorry about yesterday. I'd like to get to know you better bc i think you're cool and funny. I shouldn't have made assumptions [that he just wanted to sleep with me]."

"It's ok. but yes you shouldn't have. I really had no such intentions with you. I found you attractive and lots of fun to talk to. I could clown around you easily. :) "

The rest is kind of history as we tried to make plans for Tahoe. What I didn't mention is that Tahoe has been postponed now since PJ has to attend his cousin's wedding in India. I'm shrugging this off because I've got my own plans of going to Portland and LA. :)

However, even though PJ and I are okay now, I still don't understand his intentions with me. Our conversations get dirty. I've told Chindian about PJ and how much he's a "goddamn dirty texter." PJ will re-visit our tryst in detail or talk about what he wants to do with me. Honestly, I don't mind the dirty talk because haha if you know me well, I can be dirty too. BUT I'm unsure of everything because I don't want to be just another girl. I want him to sincerely want me. I'm tired of games. How realistic is it that we have a chance together with distance, cultural differences, etc? Why the hell can't I just be normal and date someone in the same city or state?

It's kind of messed up, but between dirty texts, we're still getting to know each other. He asked if I watched football. I know he's learning to play the saxophone. He knows I'm a runner and that I like espionage shows and movies. Earlier this week, we used FaceTime so we got a chance to talk and see each other. That was kinda nice, but it's still hard to gauge if he's got feelings for me or not.

I've decided that I'm going to try to "play it cool." I know it sounds dumb, but if he wants me, he'll reach out to me. "Art of Seduction." Chindian told me: "Be Cleopatra." I know it's dumb to play games, but I need to keep the dignity I have left.

We Grew Up

2011-12-23T22:35:00.001-05:00

On Monday evening, I had coffee with my old high school prom date PD. You probably don't remember him, but this might refresh your memory, since I've mentioned him in here before. He's not quite important enough to be in the roll call; he's simply a guest star. haha

I was a few minutes late to meet him at Starbucks near our houses. He recently moved back with his parents since it didn't make any sense for him to have an apartment when he travels so much. When I opened the door to the café, I saw PD sitting at a table, wearing headphones and working on his laptop. He got up when he saw me and gave me a hug. I went to the counter to order a coffee quickly, and when I turned around, I saw he had switched from his seat the table to two armchairs.

We talked about work. To be honest, I was downright bored with the work talk, but I'm guessing he doesn't have anyone to vent to? Maybe it helped him that I understand hectic weeks and the time adjustment from West-to-East coast time. As much as I tried to steer the conversation away from work, he would always get back to talking about work even it was it was work/life balance. Part of me wishes he were married or had kids, so we could talk about something else. BUT, after all that could be said, we did talk about his girlfriend (the makeup blogger) and his family.

He got me though, when he asked me, "What is your dream job?"

I was stumped. I don't really think about a "dream" occupation anymore. It's true that I'm following the dreams of teenaged-me who said she wanted a career in information technology. Even when college-me didn't want to do information technology, I still followed through. Do I like IT? Sometimes. There are perks and there are moments when I just want to jump off a cliff. So maybe I attained the dream my parents wanted me to have, but it's not exactly the end-all, be-all thing I'd want to do. Even when I think about it, I can't think of what I'd LOVE to do for a living.

I told PD the truth: I honestly don't know what I'd like to do. "Well, what did you want to do when you were younger?"

There was a time when I was about 11 or 12 when I said I wanted to be a writer or journalist. My parents shook their heads when they heard this. "You wouldn't make enough money." Hm, ok. Then there was a time when I said I wanted to be on the radio or be a comedian - even though I have stage fright, but I thought it'd be "cool" to entertain people. So I let these dreams go. Of course, I didn't tell PD all of this in our conversation except about wanting to be a journalist.

I guess I'm satisfied with what I've done with my life so far. I'm happy with my current stage in my life too, but I do feel like I was meant to do something else. Something that has a bigger impact on others. After going through self-esteem and weight issues the past few years, I think I'd be good at coaching others to help them get their life back together. At the same time, I wish there was a way for me to entertain at the same time. So I'm not sure if there would be a way to meld these two things together. I mean, I could simply entertain too (somehow...still trying to find my talent). They don't have to be together, but why not kill two birds with one stone?

I know I'm not exactly young anymore, which is funny because I used to think I was getting old when I turned 25 or 26. Man, I wouldn't mind being that age now, but I'd like to keep the knowledge and happiness I have gained the past few years. I still tell myself that I'm young at heart, that's all that matters, and I still have time to figure everything out. Truthfully though, time is kind of running out for me to get that "new, fun dream job" and I also feel like I should be settling down. Settling down is for another entry though.

It's still funny to me though. Back then as teenagers, we were preparing ourselves for the right college. I certainly didn't imagine that in 10+ years that I'd still be trying to figure myself out. I'm glad that I make enough money to explore hobbies and do what I want. I can go eat a delicious meal, go see a movie, make traveling plans and buy things I like without a worry. Maybe that's why my parents wanted me to do well, so I can still pursue some kind of dream later in the life with the financial means to do so.

I don't think I'll let this whole dream thing bother me though. I'm happy most of the time and I'm very fortunate.

Carol and RB go to Brasstown

2011-12-22T11:18:00.001-05:00

Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle for food, but RB and I go to Brasstown Bald for a 5k. To fully appreciate this adventure, you probably have to sympathize with the human emotions wrought by unforeseen circumstances.

A little background though. Saturday night, The Colombian planned a belated 30th surprise party for RB at Loca Luna. Needless to say, we partied almost as much as last time and once again, I was rendered a useless designated driver. This is the Colombian's fault for handing me drink after drink, first a buttery nipple and then a long island iced tea which I allowed RB to sip some of. I remember a good time though despite getting hit on by this weird guy who called me "bella." Sorry, dude, your charm didn't work on me. After leaving Loca Luna, we did our usual thing of going to a Waffle House to get some food and I went home.

Our adventure begins with RB texting me on Sunday morning about our planned 5k walk up Brasstown Bald, the highest point in Georgia. We did it last year after running another 5k in the morning, so we thought we were brighter this year to just do this 5k alone. Of course, RB didn't expect to be hungover and well, for me, I knew we'd be doing this 5k regardless and I don't get hangovers. The Colombian is out of commission despite saying he would walk with us. So I rolled out of bed, changed clothes, and drove to RB's house. RB and I were doing the "who's driving" debate in the driveway but once she admitted having a hangover, I knew I had to drive. So we got into my car, stopped by McDonald's for a quick breakfast, and we were on our way to Brasstown Bald.

Located in Blairsville (in the middle of nowhere), we knew we'd be driving for about 2 hours. We had a good time on our scenic drive, talking about the signs and buildings we saw, and catching up on things we forgot to tell each other online, on the phone or in-person. It's surprising how we never run out of things to say, so in retrospect, the 2 hours went by quickly. However, our troubles were beginning to start with modern technology. My GPS unit directed us somewhere that didn't exactly go up a mountain as we expected. Poor RB, hungover with a headache from last night, was trying to use her phone to direct us to the damn Brasstown visitor center. I continued on the "highway" for a bit and before we knew it, we were near Young Harris College and RB tells me she sees the South Carolina border on the map. We did get our bearings straight though because of her phone. We were almost desperate to find a gas station to get directions since, well, we wouldn't want to knock on any doors that hang a Confederate flag on their porches.

We arrive at the start line at least 30 minutes after the 5k has started. Against the website rules, I parked at the bottom of the mountain like the other 10 or so cars I saw. We saw nobody, no tables, no race prep, but maybe a small white vinyl sign that says "Start." Hm, ok. We remember the course from last year, so we start walking up the mountain. We eventually see one guy ahead of us and we ask him if he's doing the 5k. He says he's injured and waiting for someone. Moving on. We pass a couple of non-5k people before we see a few old people who ARE in the 5k - we pass them too. Keep in mind, RB and I aren't actually running. We were walking up the steep asphalt road to get to the visitor center at the top. A few cars do pass us as they ascend and descend the mountain. It's almost apocalyptic to crawl up this thing because we saw very few people and my imagination might have gotten a bit wild with me because I wondered if zombies were going to jump out of the bushes. Sorry to disappoint, but we did not get attacked by zombies.

We eventually make it to the top and we see other participants collecting participatory medals (which I didn't really care for) and sweatshirts. Since RB and I started late, we didn't get our race #s, so we had to find the 5k volunteers to see if they would give us our sweatshirts. We chatted with a girl who also missed registration and was trying to get her sweatshirt too. Eventually, one race official has a walkie-talkie and he's taking down names of participants who didn't get their numbers. I heard my name over the walkie and was handed a sweatshirt. I waited with RB to collect her sweatshirt as well as The Colombian's and her boss' (who also flaked out on this 5k).

We're ready to descend the mountain which is another 3 mile walk. Oh, I can't wait. I'm hungry and I believe my stomach was growling. As we're about to start going down, we see the old people we passed. "They're towing cars down the mountain!" WHATTT??? NOOOOO! RB had joked about hitching a ride with people down the mountain, but if cars were being towed, this was no joke. We turn back towards the parking lot and we see the girl we had talked to at the sweatshirts. Luckily, she recognizes us so we ask if we can get a ride down the mountain. The girl's mom is driving and they were definitely not from Georgia as the backseat of their little Mazda was crammed with baskets and blankets. RB and I managed to squeeze into the back. We chatted a bit about how or why we were late for the 5k.

Much to our relief, my car was still at the bottom of the mountain. No cars were towed. We had been hoodwinked by a bunch of old people. I don't even know why I believed them since the "towing company" would have had to pull like dozens of cars. If my car had been towed, I have no idea how I would've gotten my car back or gotten back home for matter since my car had my purse, wallet AND cell phone. Yes, I walked the 5k without a phone and I might not ever do that again. Oh, and I forgot to mention that RB's phone was dying because it was using navigation and I don't think she charged it the night before.

We got into our car and RB asks, "So, what do you want to eat? My treat." To be honest, I had no appetite after that towing ordeal. We decided to just drive home and if we see something we'll stop. We joked that we would definitely stop if we saw a White Castle. For those of you not familiar with Georgia, we have Krystal's instead of White Castle, so the odds of us finding one were pretty slim.

The GPS takes us on a different route home that actually makes more sense. We're going through Helen, GA and we decide to stop at Hofer's. Helen is an interesting place and a tourist trap with its Bavarian-inspired buildings. I'm not kidding. RB says she's been at Hofer's before and since I have never had German food, I was game. I ordered some beef with spaetzle and RB got the pork cutlet. We're not exactly foodies, but we love a good food adventure even if it involves chasing food trucks once in a while. It's during our meal that we decide we should spend New Year's Eve in Helen. We'll go to the local restaurant/steakhouse/pub that has some kind of NYE deal, and then we can do the slovenly drunk walk back to our hotel room. (By the way, as of today, I've booked the hotel already). So before we left the restaurant, we buy pastries at the bakery. Besides myself, I figured my family would like to try some of the baked goods too.

We're ready to get back on the road and I missed a turn trying to get out of Cleveland, GA which really isn't all that far from Helen. I know. I'm sad and pathetic when it comes to directions even when I'm directed by a GPS unit. Anywho, we drive through some back roads and I'm a little nervous. You don't know what kind of rednecks will start coming out of their houses with shotguns. "RB, I have a bad feeling about this." "Don't say that!" We marveled at how much of an interesting day we've already had.

About two hours later, I'm pulling into RB's driveway. RB's been building a chicken coop. She had two chickens kept at her parents' house but they got killed by her parents' watchdogs. So, she's been really wanting to get some more. I agree to accompany her after our Brasstown adventure. What's another adventure to the other part of Georgia? Actually, it wasn't too far away and besides, if The Colombian wasn't going to go with her, there's no way I'd let her go alone.

RB packs a dog kennel into her car and we're on our way. It's funny how we start naming places based on the 5k's we've done: "This is the way to Gobble Jog." Or "Go through the way for Big Pumpkin before getting to World's Hoppiest." So we get to the farm place, which is really in the middle of the suburbs, and we take a look at the live chickens for sale. By the way, the chicken house smells and there's a dusty old cat meowing at us. I can see dust all over the place, so I'm kind of wary of my allergies. Luckily, nothing happens, and we're happily on our way. Oh, and RB bought 2 dozen fresh eggs, so I had another souvenir to bring home.

The chickens were pretty silent on the car ride. Halfway through our ride, we heard a loud cluck which was followed by the horrible smell of chicken poop. "Ewwww!!" We were repulsed by the smell and RB started opening the car windows. It was getting dark outside and it was slightly cold, but we needed the car windows opened.

I know it seems kinda lame right now, but this day was pretty memorable to me. I was out of the house from 8am and didn't get home till after 6pm. Sure, it's not like Harold and Kumar, but this is about as adventurous as it gets for me and RB so far. I look forward to more stuff.

(Side note, it took me days to finally finish this entry. A lot of things happened this week, so I'm playing catch up. But w0000t! I finished this one! haha).

Oxy 10 what?

2011-12-15T20:12:00.001-05:00

For the past few days, I've been enthralled with thoughts about PJ. I can't tell if it's the post-sex oxytocin (which should be gone by now) or sheer curiosity that there might be some kind of spark. Of course, we're not talking about THE spark, but I'm kind of acting and thinking irrationally. Basically, I've been going back and forth about whether or not I might have the slightest crush on PJ.

Seriously, I'm not a player, I just crush a lot. Ha!

Ok, maybe that was only funny to me. Enough of being cryptic. I'm at the point now where I feel cornered and I have no one to talk to.

PJ and I got in touch via text and chat the other day. He asked if I was interested in going to Lake Tahoe to ski, coincidentally around the time I planned on taking some vacation to travel. I was kind of surprised, but I'm interested. I can fly out west like I planned, and make a detour in Cali again before I come back home. Not only that, I'd be giving skiing another try (omg, omg what would I wear?) since the last time I did was at age 15.

Stupid me, I decide to talk to The Colombian about this. It's kind of strange that I can be open with him about sex and such, and yet with RB, it's still a touchy subject. Anyway, The Colombian knows about the Christmas after-party and he's convincing me that I'm getting played and that all PJ wants is to sleep with me. I guess I trust The Colombian's word because sometimes he's like a big brother to me and I know he's just watching out.

So PJ and I are chatting this afternoon and well, obviously I'm still so f'ing insecure about this thing between me and him (not like there's really a thing, but I think you know what I mean?). So he says, "carrying the next day remorse still? :) we can forget about it and never bring it up again if that's what u want." I tell him I'm just trying to figure this out, but he says he has to go to a doctor's appointment. Before he goes, he says, "I'm not gonna sleep with u in tahoe. lol not when everyone is around. i love how guys always get shown as a jerk. lol"

Now, I feel like a jerk. Why did I trust The Colombian's word when he hasn't met PJ before? Why couldn't I just go with the flow of things? I wish I could've taken back what I said to him. It's kinda pathetic that this shit's gotten me down since this afternoon - so for almost 5 hours. And yet, why do I always feel this way about guys I can't be with?

I know it all depends on me and what I want out of each guy - either building a relationship or just a fuck-buddy. I can't do the fuck-buddy or one night stand thing. Do I really need to be on the defensive for each guy I meet though? Or do I continue being friendly like I've been and unexpectedly sleep with them?

I don't get it, I'm frustrated, and I'm getting those familiar thoughts of "I guess I'll just die alone." It's weird how I was so happy a few days ago. Now I feel like a mess. Now I'm thinking of ways to fix what I did today because I don't want to be that paranoid girl or bitter bitch. I don't know if I make any sense. I think my period is coming. Ugh.

Nosy Mothers

2011-12-15T10:03:00.001-05:00

I need to vent. I'm kind of tired of my mom digging her nose into my business.

I'm at work and I just got a call from my mom freaking out about an Express mail envelope/package addressed to me. "Are you expecting something from TEXAS?" Um, no. Although, I suspect it's a drug test from one of my new and upcoming clients for work.

Yea...I think I just embarrassed myself in front of my coworkers because they could understand every other word I was saying, the most prominent phrases being "new client" and "drug test." Brilliant.

So I ask, "Does it say which company it is from?" thinking that might help. My efforts are useless because she tells me, "I don't know. It's from TEXAS."

Lord, I hope that package isn't opened when I get home. She's already opened some of my mail and the package that was a Christmas gift to my sister. I'm just really bothered that she doesn't READ the addressed name. Instead, I get told "Oh, you got ____ in the mail. Sorry. I thought it was mine" or "Sorry, I opened it, thinking it was junk mail."

Don't even get me started on store coupons. They're for me, but she takes them and uses them for herself. I've unknowingly forfeited my Ulta coupons. She started taking my Bloomingdale's ones too and then presents them to me a few days before they're expired. I don't think she realized how annoyed I was until a few weeks ago, when I was about to yell, but I was so flabbergasted that I just said, "Nevermind."

Honestly, I give up. She's not going to learn to respect my privacy or my belongings. My car is the go-to "rental" vehicle if anything is ever wrong with the other 3 cars in the family. I'm expected not to need my car when I work from home on Fridays even if I have plans to run errands. Oh, and because the gas mileage on my car is better than the SUV, she drives my car when I'm out of town. I don't pay for gas myself like I used to, but I consider myself lucky if she's left enough gas for me to drive to work.

The only way I know that I can escape all this annoyance is when I move out. I know this is a small thing since I've gotten used to not having privacy. Gosh, I can't even imagine what it will be like to get my mail or packages without someone else nosying into it. Or not having to share a car that I paid for myself.

Lately, I've felt like I'll be moving out soon. It's hard to describe. I can't think of any particular reason why something would cause me to move out - besides having my mail previewed for me. I'm kinda excited for some upcoming change. I mean, overall, I'm happy with life as it is, but some change would be nice.

Out of the Running

2011-12-14T10:11:00.001-05:00

Maybe these thoughts are a little too early, but I'm pretty sure that Tri is out of the running for the title of future boyfriend. Hahaha..."future boyfriend." I can't believe I typed that.

Yesterday was Tri's birthday and I just found out he turned 27. He seemed so mature and successful too. I know age is just a number, but I'd like my future man to be older and more worldly. I guess, in my mind, there would be more security or responsibility on his part of he's older. For once, I want to know what it feels like to be taken care of instead of being the caretaker and moneymaker. This is probably a personality thing. I want to be coddled and cuddled.

It's possible that I'm just too tired now after last week's shenanigans. So I think I'm going to sit out on flirting and read "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene. Let's see if the boys come running after I learn a thing or two. hahaha

The Cast

2011-12-12T12:20:00.001-05:00

By request, because I have soooo many readers (I'm being sarcastic here) who can't keep up with the names of people in my life, I've updated "Role Call" to the right of this page. I have added the new players.

I'm deciding if I need a separate column for Guest Stars (you know, the people I don't talk about all the time) to filter out the regular folks (like RB, The Colombian). Or would it be better just to have a separate column for people I crush/like/dated/slept with. Ok, I decided that sounds kinda horrible if that list constantly grows. I'm still not proud of PJ and the holiday party.

Nevertheless, it is good to be back home.

My Limit: 3.5 Glasses of Wine

2011-12-10T14:14:00.001-05:00

Oh, where to begin? I'm in my hotel room right now after a good night of drinking and laughter at the company Christmas party.

Yesterday was not a fantastic day as at work we had deadlines and our client was being fussy like a baby. My manager, team member and I left around 4pm because we were so sick of work. So I had nearly 2 hours to get ready for the Christmas party. While I got a ride from my manager, I also made plans to get a car ride to the Christmas party with my coworker The Russian.

I don't know if I've ever explained the Russian before in here. We started at the company on the same day and we went through training together as we were the first technical consultants in Atlanta. I've often gotten mixed signals from him. At first, I thought he was annoyed with me because of my bubbly demeanor, plus I'm around his sister's age. Then, sometimes I think he likes me because I'm the only one he will talk to.

Back to recapping though, I took my time to get ready. I wore my little black dress that I've worn to RB's engagement party and the Atlanta Food Rave. I thought about curling my hair, but I was afraid that I'd fry it or mess it up. Straight hair, just a little eyeliner on my lower lash line, some lipstick and I was good to go. I waited for The Russian at the hotel lobby since that's where we've been meeting all week for car rides to the office.

The car ride from the hotel to the restaurant took almost an hour because of traffic. Everyone else got a ride from another person, so it was just me and The Russian in the car. It kinda felt like we were on a date because we were both dressed up. We made small-talk in the car: pets, vacation, and actually a bit about work since I'll be joining his project next month.

We get to the restaurant and not everyone is there yet. Michigan was in a different car and we were texting each other back and forth, so I figured I'd have to try to schmooze with people. I thought I saw my report-to partner's wife, but it turns out she was the wife of the restaurant owner..haha. Awkward! Apparently my report-to partner is good friends with the restaurant owners. The food was great: fried risotto cheese balls, spoons of tuna tartare, steak tartare on crusty bread, duck meatballs, lamb skewers, shrimp lumpia... oh and dessert! We'll get to that later.

So I'm talking to the technical people and their significant others. This is the best time for me to bond and get to know the technical people I work with in California. I know this is not the wine talking, but we have a lot of good-looking people at the company. Even my coworker PJ asked (at least, I think I remember him asking), "Why are all the people from Atlanta so good-looking?" Seriously, the girls I'm with in Atlanta, around my age, are like a beautiful walking United Nation: black, white, hispanic, and I'm the asian. Coincidentally, we were all wearing black dresses at the party. I wish I had a picture of this :(

Anyway, the night progresses. I made the point of talking to Leo later, but sadly, I really don't remember much because I kept bouncing from one conversation to another. In my buzzed stupor, I do remember saying two things to Leo: 1) "You look very handsome." and 2) Towards the end, before I left with PJ, I told Leo, "I was going to ask if you wanted to make out." I don't know if he realized how drunk I was (and I was too drunk to analyze his response), but he said he would've liked to. As I type this, I realize how silly I must've been last night. Leo was nice though and even got me a water.

For the most of the night, however, I was hanging out with PJ who is a tall Indian guy on the technical team, around my age. I laugh because sometimes, he'd call me, "Woman!" and I'd take that as an insult, telling him I'm not subservient to him...and yet I got him his 3rd glass of wine. -_- He did say "please." We drank wine and looked around for the tuna tartare - I think I had 3 spoons of them. PJ had about 7. Then dessert came out: mini creme brulees, brownies, lemon meringue pie bites, lemon cookie balls, chocolate cookie balls, s'mores cake bites. PJ and I were after the desserts like stoners with munchies. We started feeding each other. Then Michigan and I shared a lemon meringue. The rest is kind of a frenzy, but I remember some random snippets:

- I told Michigan how glad I am I got to know her better and that we need to hang out when we go back.
- My director telling me that I looked "Gorgeous! Gorgeous!" I think she might've had a little too much to drink.
- Finding out that an Indian coworker, approaching his 40s, really wants to teach hiphop dance.
- Talking to my fellow project team member and his partner about Chinese food.
- Laughing hysterically so many times.
- Thanking one of the partners for having this party for us and for the iPads we all got.
- Avoiding Creepy Man and his yellow fever by walking away with Leo for water.

Towards the end of the party, I remember PJ saying, "ice cream or gelato sounds good!" Man, the guy must have known my weakness for sweets because I followed him out. We intended to go to the Cheesecake Factory, but once I got into his car, I was so tired that i just wanted to rest. We sat in the car jibber-jabbering, listening to "Errbody in the club get tipsy." We decided not to get cheesecake or ice cream after all, so he took me back to my hotel.

On the way to the hotel, I vomited. Oh man, I felt terrible. PJ's Infiniti G35 was only 5 months old. I'm also a little annoyed with myself that I got puke on my dress AND my only jacket. As I sit here, I can still smell the vomit emanating from my jacket, but I TRIED to clean it out the best I could this morning. I kept apologizing, but he said not to worry that he'll clean it up. I guess he's no stranger to drunken nights of puking with friends, but for me, I haven't puked from alcohol in years.

Ok, so Iong story short, I slept with PJ. I feel like he's such a player and honestly, I should feel guilty about all this because he's a coworker - granted, a coworker that I hardly ever see. But back to the thing about being a player, I think I'm extremely insecure after TD (who still hasn't contacted me since that night a few weeks ago). I feel like I have to tell myself to stop sleeping with guys. Why do I feel so guilty? I want to believe that PJ is different and not just a smarter, taller, muscular Indian version of TD. Last night was great and he's a great guy, but I guess I won't know how everything pans out until a week from now.

I think I'm starting to be a little more open-minded about who I date, er, sleep with. For the first time, I'm actually not zeroing in on looking for an oriental guy. I mean, this week I found myself attracted to a Romanian, and maybe the Russian. Until last night, I had never slept with an Indian guy. Chindian doesn't count. The common things among all these guys is that they work hard, they're probably smarter than me, and they have solid jobs. As silly as this sounds, maybe I am finally finding the right guys to hang with.

I truly hope that I still get to know my coworkers better. I don't want this to all be a dream that we only have a good time together in California.

Holiday Excitement

2011-12-09T18:02:00.001-05:00

Let's make this fast and furious...

1) I got an iPad2. Everyone at my office (about 100 of us) each got an iPad.

2) I met a coworker from the Chicago office and I kinda have a crush on him already. We talked about traveling (Portland, Chicago, Atlanta, Miami, New Orleans, Romania, Taiwan, Switzerland, Austria), skiing/snowboarding, gaming, some work. I love his name - it's Leo. And he's Romanian.

3) I had a good time in the car with The Russian and my new coworker friend Michigan. Michigan's a few years younger than me, but she and I have gotten to know each other better on this trip and we're having fun. Collectively, we get rides to work from The Russian or another guy coworker Jersey. There's always a bit of flirting and being coy with the guys. So much fun and laughter.

4) I'm anxious to get to the holiday party tonight to drink. I'm having a rough day at work. I wanna get drunk, laugh, and flirt.

5) Tomorrow night, I have plans to hang out with the Chindian.

Maybe I'll try to recap my talk with Leo some other day.

The Last 20th Year

2011-12-04T20:52:00.001-05:00

Another year has passed. By this time next year, I will have said I survived my 20s, so whatever comes my way this year, I will make the most of it to say that my 20s were great. I think I did a pretty well the past few years to catch up with my stagnant years. I will admit that sometimes I go back and read my old entries and I'm always impressed by the amount of personal growth and how I've changed to become "better" and stronger.

If you're curious like me, here are the previous birthday entries here and here that I read and compared today. Here we go with this year's milestone questions!

How did you celebrate your birthday? I planned a last-minute get-together for myself and while attendance was poor, I didn't care because I was still happy to be with company instead of by myself. Crazy was my designated driver and during the ride over to Village Tavern, I actually had a talk with him about us being friends and not dating each other - so now the elephant in the room has been addressed. I had drinks/food with RB, The Colombian, Crazy, Rich, Bitch, and Ken. Unfortunately, Flannel, Tri, Fish, Angel, and some others couldn't come. Somehow, I wish I at least received a response from people who didn't bother to respond to my email or Facebook invitations. Honestly, I think I'm able to filter out the true friends from the ones that don't value my friendship. Moving on!

Did you get anything cool? I bought myself a Macbook Pro. I have a Paul Frank sleeve to keep it in. I just bought myself a silver leather Cole-Haan purse. The only other gift I have is entry into the Disney half-marathon from RB.

What would you say was your biggest accomplishment this past year? It's kind of hard to say because I've done so much this year. I think this is how I would rank my accomplishments. 1) Finishing a half-marathon because I didn't knew I had that kind of strength in me, 2) Changing to a better, higher-paying job, 3) Dumping 32 and doing more for myself. 4) Traveling for fun and business in San Francisco, Nashville, and Pensacola.

What do you want to accomplish this upcoming year? Besides the usual lose weight thing and more experiences of life, both of which I've done well so far, this upcoming year, I'm going to challenge myself to conquer my fear of heights. I wanna have some adventures - indoor rock climbing, zip-lining, and maybe even sky-diving? haha I'd like to do more traveling too, if possible, particularly to other cities and possibly other countries. As for personal growth, and I know this is going to sound weird, but I want to fully accept myself and be less insecure. I want myself to actually believe I deserve nice things and in terms of an ideal boyfriend, I deserve a guy who's more on-par with me. My friend Al brought up a good point that I shouldn't get so comfortable with the guys who aren't on my level. It's not really settling, but I need to be around guys with the standards I want.

Is there anything you learned? It's okay to treat myself to something nice now and then. Hopefully I don't go overboard with this lesson.

Fear of Heights

2011-12-01T22:31:00.001-05:00

I feel like I'm going to be a big, fat hypocrite because of what I'm about to post. I've been making a lot of purchases lately, but it's also because I'm trying out new things which is what I should be doing.

I decided that I need to try to get over my fear of heights, so I bought a voucher for 2 hours indoor rock-climbing. I could blame RB for this, but I won't because I'm not gonna run away from a new experience. Who knows? I might like it.

Oh, and I also bought a voucher for hotel stay in Las Vegas for 4 days and 3 nights for a total of $49. I'm having some regrets for buying the voucher because I have no idea what I've gotten myself into in terms of vacation club memberships and whatnot, but I'll attempt to cancel those things when I get to that point. Either way, sometime next year I will visit Vegas because it's been way too long since I've been. AND if I do get over my fear of heights, I will be zip-lining down Fremont Street like Tinkerbell from the top of Cinderella's castle at Disney World.

Speaking of new experiences, last night was different from my usual dinner and gym routine. I had my eyelash extension appointment at 3pm. We finished around 4:30pm, but I thought I'd like to get my eyebrows shaped too, so I waited around without a worry til about 5:30 pm or so. Then after getting all prettied up, I went to get dinner at Jason's Deli where I proceeded to have dinner by myself. I took my time, ate what I wanted (a Chicago Club sandwich, carrot sticks, cup of tomato basil soup), and even enjoyed a small chocolate sundae. Ulta was just across the parking lot, so I went inside and browsed for a bit - wishing I could've bought some colors from the OPI Muppets collection.

I left shopping to go to the belly-dancing class. Thinking it was going to be a beginner technique class on chest, it turned out to be hips - which I don't mind because it turns out I'm just really, really uncoordinated. Right now, I can feel my abs hurting, so even though I didn't sweat, at least I got somewhat of a workout. I got home around 9:30, settled down and had a good evening I guess.

I'm skipping the gym tonight because I don't sweat. I don't want to sweat because then I have to wash my hair. I don't want to wash my hair because I will most likely get my lashes wet and they still need 8 more hours of "drying." Really though, I need to wash my hair so I'll do that tomorrow morning when I play hooky with RB.

Cheers to the weekend coming!

Material Girl

2011-11-29T23:59:00.001-05:00

I know I haven't been employed very long at my current company, but overall, I've been working for 5 years now after college. Living at home, rent-free, has allowed me to save a lot of money. I'm usually frugal to an extent with my spending. However, slowly with the stress of my current job, I've indulged in my list of vices: alcohol, chocolate, pedicures, and other "nice" things which might include makeup and, um, toys. For the most part, I've felt that I deserve these things because I've worked hard or because they make me feel better.

This year, I felt I should buy myself something. High up on that list was a new laptop (either a Macbook or a higher-end Dell), or an acoustic guitar, or a smart phone. Since the Thanksgiving holidays, I've been talked down by my parents. They say a Macbook is too expensive and they keep pointing at shitty PCs in ads. They don't really care about the acoustic guitar. As for the smart phone, good lord, I should've just kept my mouth shut because we renewed our contract earlier this year in January. I think I nearly started a fight between my parents because my dad is so willing to "spoil" me and let me have a smart phone because all my peers have one. Mom, on the other hand, is frugal and doesn't see the point in spending more money if it's not necessary. I've thought about it too: do I really want work emails going to my phone? I'm annoyed enough when I get text messages from my manager.

Honestly, I don't want my parents to buy me these "big" purchases. I'd rather do it for myself, but I feel like I need their permission or approval to buy these things I want even if it is my money. I earned it, so shouldn't I have the right to spend it on what I want? Or else, what's the point in not being able to spend money I've earned? I feel like I've adopted the spending habits of a middle-aged adult who's not willing to indulge. I'm still young and there's just SO much to see and do, all of which requires money. You only live once, right?

These thoughts have actually been sitting in around in my head for most of the weekend. I've resigned to the fact that maybe this year I can't have anything material. I'm a little annoyed, but I'm tired of fighting my parents on how I spend my money, so I give up.

Instead, I think I'm just gonna focus on stuff I can do like hanging out with friends this weekend. I actually don't expect many to show up because it was so last-minute or they don't really care to attend. I'm still gonna have a damn good time because RB, The Colombian, Crazy, and Kenneth will be there. We'll make it fun by seeing who's going to show up as the evening rolls out.

Oh, and before I forget, I'm getting eyelash extensions tomorrow. I guess that's sort of a birthday present to myself. :) Guess I am a material girl, after all.

Still Learning Self-Reliance

2011-11-27T02:06:00.001-05:00

This week has been a blur with the Thanksgiving holidays. Admittedly, this year was bittersweet for me as it was great to have a homecoming from a business trip, but I couldn't fully enjoy what could have been a 4-day holiday. Working on Black Friday really bummed me out as it was a company holiday - a day I should've been able to take off without using flex-time off. I can fully admit that I was jealous of everyone else who wasn't working. I was in a terrible mood for most of the week. I wasn't able to fully relax until after I got off work on Friday at 9pm.

Let's move on though, shall we?

A few posts ago, I mentioned a guy that I made out and played around with back in college - let's call him Rich which is nickname for Richard..which also has the nickname of Dick - which this guy can be sometimes. Kind of a stretch, I know, but work with me. Rich and I have a strange friendship. He's the first and only white guy I've ever kissed and although, I feel like I've slept with him (he did physically sleep through a night with me once or twice), we technically did not do the deed. I kinda dislike him, but he can be so convincing that it's annoying. We talk to each other once in a while. Most of the time it's because he's horny or something and just wants to "hang out" with me. I haven't accepted any invitations from him yet since the last time we slept with each other - which is close to about 7-8 years ago, way before my time with Jay.

So I've been stressed out lately and sometimes I feel like I need a rush of endorphins, besides from exercising. Chindian and TD were kind of my solutions in Cali, but now that I'm back home, Rich happened to be talking to me during one of my desperate times when I want to do anything but work. He managed to talk me into meeting him this week either on Wednesday (the night after I get home from Cali) or on Saturday night after our alma mater's football game. I figured Saturday would work best, so last night before 8pm, I sent him a text message seeing what time he wanted to meet and if he had any food preferences since we were going to have a "picnic" in his living room (he hasn't bought a couch yet).

I got no response until today around 7pm. He said he couldn't because he was sick. Which is fine because I'm still nervous/scared to see him, but not in the same nervous way I get around Tri. I think I'm scared of what estranged friendship I would be in with Rich. It's almost "friends with benefits" but I'm not sure if I can handle that sort of relationship.

So another option was Crazy. After his birthday celebration on Wednesday, he asked me if I was free Saturday or Monday night for dinner. Crazy had some dinner coupon/voucher thing that he said he needed to use by the end of the month. So this afternoon (since I hadn't heard from Rich yet), I saw Crazy online, so I sent him a message. He kind of convinced me to go out tonight to see the Muppets movie. And yet, just like Rich, Crazy never confirmed or responded. What's with these flaky guys?

I took matters into my own hands - I went on a date with myself. First, I went to Target to browse, then I went to Studio Movie Grill to watch Breaking Dawn (which was bad), and then I stopped by the grocery store to buy ingredients for a post-Thanksgiving potluck tomorrow at RB's house. I had a good time getting out of the house and being with myself. I was doing and seeing things I wanted on my own time. I guess that's a big change considering the hellish weeks I've had.

This self-reliance thing is still kinda difficult sometimes. I think about how much more fun it would be if I wasn't by myself. I still want to share or do something with a companion. However, I'm also reminded of how I can't rely on others (except maybe RB and The Colombian) like the guys tonight. I think I just gotta get used to it. Eventually I won't mind it so much.

Half-Marathon Actual Results

2011-11-24T20:42:00.001-05:00

I'm a little surprised, but I just received my actual half-marathon results. I thought I completed it in 2hrs, 26 minutes. In actuality, I was:

2 hrs, 23 min, 34 seconds. My pace was an average of 10:58.

Wow, that's much better than I thought. Obviously, my pace was much slower than a typical 5k. I'm not sure what else I'll be running next except for the Disney half marathon in January. I am itching to run and workout after all the eating I've been doing the past few days. I gotta remind myself that I'm doing well though.

Drinking

2011-11-24T18:39:00.001-05:00

I feel the need to talk about how much I've been drinking. I'm pretty sure I'm not an alcoholic and I don't exactly have a problem, but the subject of my drinking behavior needs to be written.

Work has been stressful. My coworkers (mostly my manager) have been medicating with wine and I've joined. In the past week, I've probably consumed the most alcohol ever in my life, and it still isn't that much. Here's a snapshot of consumed drinks the past week:

Thursday: 1.5 glasses of red wine with managers at a Mediterranean restaurant.
Friday: 1.5 glasses of red wine with coworkers at an Italian restaurant, followed by another glass of white wine with the Chindian.
Saturday: 2 beers with TD
Monday: 2 beers alone
Wednesday (yesterday): 1 glass of red wine and 1 blue motherfucker shot for Crazy's birthday.
Tonight, being Thanksgiving: 1 glass of Choya Ume with my family.

I think I'm okay now that I'm home and have some control of being in a familiar environment since I'm back to living with my parents. I know I hit rock-bottom with drinking on Monday when I started hearing buzzing in my ears and I stumbled about in my studio. I felt incredibly sad because it felt like all I did was work. I felt lonely because I wasn't near any friends and while they're a call away, they were 3 hours ahead. The Chindian was already on his way to vacationing in Mexico and getting ignored by TD made me feel worse.

I think I was seeking attention or some kind of social interaction. I was drunk enough that I got naked in front of my webcam with a guy I knew in college. We made out and got naked but never had sex then. He managed to talk me into taking my shirt off and making my boobs bounce in front of the camera. But then I felt sick after taking a quick break to pee (this is when the buzzing noise began). I signed off gchat and signed back on to talk to my sister, telling her how sad and drunk I was. She told me to go to sleep, even though it was only 8:30 local time.

I climbed into bed and cried myself to sleep. I could hear and feel my heart beating from the alcohol. I breathed heavily according to each beat I felt and eventually I fell asleep. I woke up a few times through the night to switch sleeping positions, but in the morning, I felt better. I felt ready to take on the world even though my excitement may have been mostly that I would be leaving soon for home.

So what's the point of this post? Drinking alone is not good. Drinking with people is great just like last night at Crazy's birthday. Village Tavern has kinda become the go-to spot for birthday drinking - I'm not quite sure why. The food's alright, but I guess RB and The Colombian are constantly there. It's like our MacLaren's. We know Crazy's a little skittish about sex and porn, so go figure, The Colombian and I bought Crazy some sex-themed gifts. The Colombian got him some porn called "Me Luv You Long Time." I stopped by Barnes & Noble's to buy him a copy of "The Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex." We had a bunch of good laughs about that all night. Some other people joined us that I hadn't seen since high school, including a friend/neighbor down the street who I'll call Daisy - she's kind of a hippie. We talked about doing stuff together more often and I've got her new number now. So now I've got one more person to add to my own birthday thing.

I've been thinking about my birthday celebration. I'm leaning towards drinking and hanging out at Village Tavern too since I don't have my own place. I'd feel bad or weird having my parents see me and my friends drinking in our basement - it's not like we're in high school. I just really want to be around friends this year, especially with 32 excluded. I've felt particularly thankful for friends this year, especially for RB and The Colombian. I'm a much better person by having them constantly in my life on an almost-daily basis. There are many others I'm appreciative for.

I'm going to end this now before I start getting all thoughtful about changes I've done this year. That's all meant for the annual birthday post - it'll be the 3rd year I've continued this tradition for my blog. This blog has truly been therapeutic for me. It doesn't matter to me that nobody really reads or comments - this is my place and it's all about me.

My Favorite Asshole

2011-11-24T05:18:00.001-05:00

(Delays again from work and travel).

I've got a secret to tell you. I never fully gave up on TD the asshole. Remember him? I beat myself over and over again for ever letting him into my head and heart. There's just some kind of allure about this guy. Oh, and uh...I totally got take-out delivery booty from him Saturday night. hahahahah oh my god, who am I?

You see, TD knew I was coming back to Cali this week. There was just never a good time for us to meet since work has taken over my life this week. When I last left off, I had madly rushed back to my hotel to get to work with my manager. I worked a 12-hour day. I was kinda tired by the time I got back to my hotel room around 10:30pm. I get a text from TD asking what I'm doing. I thought I'd push his buttons a bit by telling him I just got off work and wanted to see if he could hang out. As I ask, I'm drinking my well-deserved Stella Artois obtained from the office fridge. He agrees to drive over to my hotel and says he'll bring some beer with him too so we can both drink.

My studio's a mess and I'm still feeling icky from sitting in an office all day. I rushed to shower, washing my hair and straightening up my room afterwards. I tried to figure out what to wear. I didn't want to get all dolled-up or something, but I wanted to look decent without any effort. I decided that I'll just wear something that makes it appear that I was lounging around post-shower, post-work. I wore my grey workout capri pants, and the same long-sleeved red shirt I got from the Strong Legs run (that I had worn earlier) since it was still clean. I blow-dried my hair a bit, but it was still a bit wet. Then I put away stuff in my apartment so it was a bit neater, then settled down to watch episodes of Wildfire. I was starting to get restless because I know he's not an hour away and he had passed the hour mark. I finally got a call on my cell phone.

I walk out to greet him as I see his Subaru pass me to find a parking spot. TD steps out, looking pretty good with this jeans, tshirt, and jacket. His hair looks a lot like Puck's from Glee, except it's a little more grown out. He's carrying a paper bag containing beer bottles. I'm pretty happy to see him because it meant I wouldn't be alone on a Saturday night.

I lead him to my room and he apologizes for being late because he fell asleep for a bit. What's new, right? He comments on my "nice" hotel studio because it's complete with a kitchen: a dishwasher, an electric range and a microwave. We settle in front of the tv watching MTV's Wildin' Out and channel surf to Friends and other random shows. After about 20-30 minutes of drinking, talking and watching tv, I leaned against him on the couch and he puts an arm around me. "Are you tired?" he asks. "Nah, I'm just relaxed," I replied. While our attention is on the tv, I place my hand on his left thigh and gently stroke it over his jeans. I hear him breathing slight sighs while his fingers start making their way from my hip to my waist. He's holding me against him, so I shift my gaze from the tv and turn upwards towards his face. Our lips meet and I feel electricity pumping through my veins. Because my face is upturned to kiss him, he lifts my body with his upper body strength so that I'm sitting in his lap, straddling him so I can easily kiss him face to face. With this new position, the kisses and lip locks become deeper and more intense.

We start tearing each other's clothes off. I guess the matching pink bra and lacy underwear I wore wasn't worth planning to wear since he was in a rush to get me out of my clothes. We move from the living room to my bed. I start unbuttoning his pants and pulling them off him. I'm sitting on the bed and he pushes me to lie down so he can take off my capri sweatpants. We're in the fervor of making out and moving around on the bed. The best way I can describe the feeling is that there's this urgency between us to feel something - pleasure, desire and passion. The chemistry between us is incredible as our bodies are intertwined, moving to a steady rhythm of rocking movement. It's a complete blur to me as I think of all the different positions we were in for what relatively may have only been fifteen minutes.

At the very end, all the acts weren't enough for me to have an orgasm (as much as I would've liked), but TD got what he wanted: a part of me. My four-month streak of no sex was now over. We cuddled in bed and had some pillow talk as I laid my head on his chest, his right arm around me. The post-coital cuddling is just like how I remember it from a few months ago. We eventually fall asleep and I hear him snoring. I may have even drooled a bit on him since my head was on his smooth, bare chest. However, through the night, I did move off him and move various times as I usually do in the middle of the night, switching sleep positions.

Morning comes around and at 6:40, TD whispers to ask, "Are you awake?" He says he has to go, so I get out of bed with him to help him collect his clothes off the floor and couch. Still not wearing any clothes, I gave him a hug before he left. "I hope I get to see you in a few more days," I say to him.

I move on with my day too, getting ready to do work another day of the weekend. I texted him later that day: "Psss...you snore." He replied back, "You too :P"

That night, after work, I had nothing to do. Nor did I have additional work on Monday night, but by then, TD had stopped replying to my text messages. As I type this, my heart aches because the sex and cuddling meant more to me than it did to him. I feel robbed and yet guilty for letting him take a piece of me with him. I don't think I can cut off the emotion behind a booty call or one night stand. I wonder if I was just desperate for some kind of human contact - to feel wanted and desired, to please and be pleased by another body.

I realize the tone of this entry has changed as I'm regretting the choice I made to see TD. To him, I may seem like some lonely girl out-of-town on business who just wants some booty. Somehow, I wish there was a way to prove to him that I'm not just some girl. My confidence wavers, but despite how sometimes I think I'm not smart or talented, I know that I'm a good catch. A guy would be so lucky to have me. I think I want TD to see this because he doesn't realize how great I am to simply forget about me. At the end though, I know it's not worth the effort to prove this.

It's times like these that I yearn for the guy who will be worth the wait. I want there to be fire and hot chemistry between us as well as stability and support. I'm waiting for a true gentleman who could be possibly just as hot as my favorite asshole.

Friday Night Hangout

2011-11-20T12:37:00.001-05:00

Quick note, I'm noticeably behind considering it's Sunday morning, and I've had an EVENTFUL weekend. Posts will be coming fast and furious as I get to recapping each day/night.

Friday evening, my team (which is mostly just my manager and another coworker) finished around 5pm and had no plans to do work that night. I was pretty excited because Chindian and I talked about hanging out again, so this was my next chance. As my team wrapped up, I stepped out of the room and called him to figure out plans. He wouldn't be ready until after 8:30, so I figured I'd do dinner with my team and then catch BART afterwards to go into the city. Oh, and I was scheduled to work Saturday morning at 10am, so I couldn't stay too long at the Chindian's.

It's good that my team and I started dinner early because we beat the Friday night dinner rush. We even shared a bottle of wine among us which will be billed to our client. Muahaha! Let's put it this way: the client has not been easy to work with and they were starting to flake on us today because of Thanksgiving holidays next week. Surprisingly, I've had a good time with my manager. I realize now that she's not the bitch I always thought she was. She's under a lot of pressure and she can be kind of snarky when needed. I crack up listening to her and my coworker (a gay guy) curse. Dinner was good and the red zinfandel has got me talking and buzzing. I felt pretty good afterwards when I was in my room packing an overnight bag.

My manager gave me a box of organic popcorn she got from our project manager - Quinn's organic popcorn in Vermont Maple and Grey Sea Salt (harvested from Brittany, France! fancy!!). I figured I'd bring a package to pop, and stop by Whole Foods for a bottle of wine because I really wanted another buzz. Whole Foods is actually on the way when I walk from the BART station to the Chindian's apartment. We're gonna make it a movie night! I even dressed up nicely for this: brown leather knee boots, blue/grey striped knit dress, and brown leather jacket.

Unfortunately, I caught a later BART train than I would've liked because the hotel shuttles stop at 7pm and I had to walk to the station from the hotel. According to maps, that's a .7 mile walk. I don't think I got into the city until after 9pm. Whole Foods was pretty quick because I asked someone to help me pair wine with vermont maple popcorn haha. I felt silly. I just needed a bottle to drink and relax so I can feel uninhibited with Chindian.

Finally, I'm at the Chindian's apartment. He laughs at my red and blue Paul Frank socks I'm wearing under my knee boots. We browse on Netflix and settle on Comedy Central's Roast of David Hasselhoff. That was great and as I drank more wine, things got funnier. "Jeez, lady, you're red," Chindian would say to me when he saw how red my chest and thighs were. After the roast, we watched a bit of Hot Shots: Part Deux. I'm reminded of how I absolutely did not catch the jokes when I saw that movie as a kid. I'm pretty tired of the movie, so I cut to the chase and tell him, "I'm kinda tired of this movie." It's kind of a cue to go upstairs.

I get ready quickly, brushing my teeth and taking out my contact lenses. While Chindian's showering and getting ready for bed, from his room, I give Al a call just to chat about her engagement ring and letting her know that I'm at Chindian's again. Chindian comes back into his room, wearing boxers and a tshirt. "Are you wearing all that to sleep?" I ask. "Probably not," he answers as he takes off his shirt and turns off the lights.

Do you remember how I said I felt nothing the other night? This night was a little better. I'm not sure if it's the wine or if we felt re-familiarized with each other's bodies. We didn't have sex, but all the touching and kissing didn't feel quite as robotic as before. There was a little more passion, but I've definitely felt more with other guys. I slept better that night compared to the other night I was there.

When Saturday morning came around, I didn't realize how much trouble I was in as I missed the train I wanted to take. I had to be at the hotel at 9:45 to meet with my manager. Luckily, around 9:30, my manager texted me and said we'd be more like 10am. I got to my destination station at 9:50, which was barely enough time for me to make that hike to the hotel. I was sweating and nervous because I was definitely going to be late without the time to properly be dressed for work.

I saw my manager and coworker in the hotel lobby enjoying some coffee and working already. I apologized for being late and said I'd need a few more minutes to change clothes in my hotel room. I had already formulated a story during my ride back to explain my whereabouts - because do coworkers really want to hear about my adventures? I told them I met my cousins in the city, then I'd ride back in their car to Mountain View to spend the night, and then come back to the hotel this morning. I pretended that my cousins and I shopped on Powell Street, then went back to one cousin's house for popcorn (hence how I knew the popcorn was delicious) and girl talk which, as a result, led us all to oversleep and cause me to be late in the morning.

Honestly, now that I'm reading back over this entry, I wish I had more to describe about the evening with the Chindian because it was kind of a big deal. I've forgotten most of the details by now since I had a very, VERY, VERY interesting evening with a particular asshole last night. But this all goes into Saturday's post.

If At First You Don't Succeed, Tri Again

2011-11-18T16:08:00.001-05:00

When I first went into the office on Tuesday, I started chatting with Tri before a meeting. I just thought it'd be fun to talk to him after the half-marathon. I can't really remember what we talked about even though I do have chat transcripts automatically saved on gchat. I'm also too lazy right now to pull them up and recap what we discussed. Either way, just know that I initiated a conversation with him.

Yesterday, which was the morning after my sleepover at Chindian's, I come into work, log on to check my email, and I'm surprised to get a message from him Tri. He's asking me about how my work meeting went. A few weeks ago, we had chatted about doing a 10k in Atlanta. I think his purpose of this conversation was to tell me that he couldn't do it anymore because he'll be up in the air with traveling. Which is fine because this means I don't have to feel compelled to join the run. I could've sworn I told someone that the last 10k I did would be "the first and last time I will ever run a race for a guy."

I tell Tri that i decided to run the Disney World half-marathon in January. He's asking me all sorts of questions and he's seriously considering running it too. I'm a bit excited because he's asking if there's room in our car, BUT on the return, there's a seat reserved for RB's boss who's maybe running with us. So close and yet so far. I had to tell him we couldn't give him a ride. :(

Let the overanalyzing begin...

I know I've only seen him twice in my life, but any interaction with him makes me a nervous wreck even if I don't show it. I'm eager to see and hang out with him again among a group, so I can get to know him better. He seems like a cool guy. It's always good to be friends first, right? I think that's why I hold myself back. I want to do things the "right" way if that makes any sense. I'm not going to be in any rush to try and date or sleep with him. I genuinely want to get to know him despite how difficult it's been to coordinate some kind of outing between Tri, Fish, and me.

I think I'm getting to know him a little better though after our conversation. He really likes cycling to the point that he does 1 to 2 100-mile cycling rides a year. He's musically-challenged meaning that he doesn't play any instruments. As far as what he knows about me, it's that I'm a runner, a technical coder-person at work (ha!), and I'm thinking about buying a guitar or a laptop.

Overall, I should be happy that things are going alright. I shouldn't have anything to worry about even if I'm all "OMG! What should I say? What should I do?" I think I'm freaking out over "not knowing" just like I did the other morning with Chindian. I gotta try to relax and go with the flow. It's so hard to relax when all I want to do is escape work. I kind of see the light at the end of the tunnel this week. I gotta hang in there for another few more months.

Chindian Reunion

2011-11-17T01:58:00.001-05:00

Chindian and I have always kept in touch ever since my last trip out here. We're almost in contact on a day-to-day basis on gchat. Hey, we're not planning on being employee-of-the-month at either of our companies. We usually talk about dating and what prospects we have coming up on the weekends, etc. It's a different kind of friendship that I appreciate. If I'm ever lonely out here, he and I can keep talking for hours and hours. Sometimes it's better than sitting quietly in my hotel room. Plus, this time, I'm without a car so it's not like I can really wander around.

So we made plans to meet for dinner last night. Luckily, I'm within walking distance of a BART station. After last night's ride, I have a love/hate relationship with transit. I charged $11 on my credit card to cover a roundtrip, but upon entering the turnstile, the machine ate my card. I couldn't do anything about it, but continue on my way to get on the train to meet the Chindian. I needed a card to get out of my destination station too. I ended up paying an attendant $5.20 to let me out of the emergency exit.

Upon riding the escalator out of the Powell Street station, I was in awe of my surroundings. The time was about 7pm, so it's entirely dark, but there's this atmosphere I can't describe. I felt young, hip, and modern walking down a lighted street with so many people: the young, the old, musicians, and hipsters. Besides feeling the energy of the people around, I saw the storefronts of GAP, Nordstrom, Sephora, Ferragamo and much later Hermes, Burberry, Coach, MaxMara, Tumi, Giorgio Armani, Tiffany & Co, and the list goes on. I know I sound childish when I say this, but I'm so used to traveling with a companion that sometimes I can't believe it I can make it to any destination by myself because my sense of direction is so terrible. So here I was in this bustling area of San Francisco. It's kinda surreal.

I call Chindian to let him know I've arrived since he's supposed to greet me at the station. He's on his way and we're trying to get our bearings straight to see each other. We name the stores we see and eventually he says an Amtrak bus passed him. I think I see his figure holding a phone. I'm pretty sure it's him when I see him crossing the street with his leather jacket and usual grin, so I give him a hug, followed with a "Yay! I'm so glad to see you!"

We had no set plans on where to eat although we constantly joke about going back to Palo Alto for a chocolate souffle at Joya. We walk towards Chinatown and our mouths just keep running because there's so much to say despite how often we talk to each other online. Eventually, we settle on a terrible Chinese restaurant but I think we're relieved to be sitting down and talking.

Ok, so sidenote, I brought my contact lens case and glasses in my purse just in case I decided to stay the night at Chindian's apartment. Besides, I wasn't sure if I wanted to take transit near midnight. The morning might actually be safer. Ok, back to my story.

After dinner, we walk back to his apartment that he's renting from a friend temporarily while she's figuring out if she wants to live abroad. It's a really nice, 2-bedroom apartment that vaguely reminds me a college dorm except for the fact that it's a unit that takes up two floors (there's an upstairs). It's tiny, modern and seems relatively new and in good condition - but it's probably really expensive as it's in a better part of the city, plus he shares it with a roommate.

We go upstairs to his room, and he apologizes for the mess. So I look around and we chat as he cleans things up. After he's done, we lie on his bed just talking. I think it's pretty obvious where things are leading to.

I tell him I can stay for the night, but I can't do anything since Aunt Flo's visiting. He says it's alright. He props himself up on his elbow and faces me, "Wanna cuddle?" I'm not one to turn down cuddling. We're facing each other and he puts his right arm around me to pull me in closer. At first, it feels awkward for me because I'm not sure where to put my left hand or arm. Also, it feels like it's been a while since I've cuddled with anyone and even with Chindian, I still don't know his body that well. Basically, "cuddle on command" is not easy. Then he says to me, "Oh, before I fall asleep..." he kisses me on my lips. After a few minutes, we decide we should probably get ready to sleep.

He lets me use the bathroom first to brush my teeth with the new toothbrush he got from the dentist that day. I take out my contact lenses and put on my glasses. I go back to his room when I'm finished so he can take his turn. As I wait for him, I start texting Al to let her know where I am. I'm so hesitant to tell anyone else that I'm spending a night with Chindian.

He's back from the bathroom, but still in street clothes like me. "Are you sleeping in jeans?" he asks me. I answer, "Probably not. They're not comfortable to sleep in." "Ok then. What are we? Thirteen years old?" he jokes. So we both start taking off our jeans. While he takes off his shirt, I slip my bra off underneath my clothes. I plan on sleeping in my blue sweater because I foresee getting cold and I'm not quite comfortable sleeping topless with him.

We get under the covers together and it's awkward because we're trying to get along like we used to. We face each other with our foreheads together and our noses barely touching. The slight brushing of our noses makes me smile because of the phrase "Eskimo kisses." I don't think he knows I'm smiling in the dark. I let my fingers trace his collarbone, outlining his right shoulder, feeling how smooth his skin is even towards his abs. He pulls me close to him, so that his hand is in the small of my back and we start making out. Truthfully, I really don't feel anything beyond his soft, gentle lips. There's no force or passion, not even the least bit of gravity to draw me in except his arm pulling my body into his. I give back the same gentle kissing and he removes his hand away from my back to caress my left cheek and to pull my chin towards him. I swear, any guy who caresses my cheek while making out, just makes me melt inside.

Sadly though, I'm bored with making out with Chindian. There's no passion and it feels like my lips are being exercised by his. We eventually stop, and of course, me, being the overanalytical person that I am, can't help but think that if he's initiating and leading the cuddling and kissing, then certainly he must have some underlying feelings for me. After we stopped kissing, I timidly ask, "Do you have the least bit of feelings for me?"

Maybe I shouldn't have phrased it that way because he paused, hmm'd, and asked me what I meant - as friends or longterm? "I care about you," he tells me. I don't remember the rest of this conversation except that we're talking about why things wouldn't work out between us because of distance. Feeling somewhat rejected, I tell him, "Yea, we're probably better off as friends even if we lived in the same area."

For the rest of the night, I toss and turn in the bed. It's kinda difficult to sleep even as I hear the sound of the city outside, evening traffic droning like white noise. Eventually though, I fall asleep and I wake up to the sound of the Chindian's alarm set at 5:20am for me to wake up. I reach for his hand under the covers, and he pulls me close to him again, so that my left arm is draped across his chest and I have my head against his shoulder. "Good morning," I murmur and he echoes the words back to me. We cuddle for about 5 more minutes and then I tell him I gotta get ready. I climb out of the bed to put on my clothes and decide to wear my glasses for the rest of the way back to my hotel. Chindian puts on some clothes too to walk me to the door. I give him a goodbye hug and tell him I hope we'll see each other again later in the week.

I walk through the hallway, take the elevator down, go through the swanky lobby, and feel the crisp air on my face once I exit the building. It's still kind of dark outside. That modern/hip feeling of being in the city strikes me again as I swiftly walk down 5-6 blocks to the BART station. I didn't have to wait very long for my train. When I sat down on a seat, I took out my iPod and immediately felt like listening to Oasis which is Chindian's favorite band. I listen to "Champagne Supernova" and I'm fine. I distract myself with other songs without even thinking twice about Chindian. The ride back to my station didn't seem very long even though it takes 45 minutes. It's another 12-15 minute walk from the BART station to my hotel. I still had about an hour to get ready for work, so I take a shower and change clothes.

Yet when I sat in front of my laptop in my hotel room, ready to face the reality of work, I couldn't focus. I started thinking again about Chindian - does he or does he not want me? What does he really feel? Does he feel the same as I do? These thoughts went away a few hours later when I was at work. Logged into gchat, I'm surprised that Tri sends me a message.

But that's another story deserving of its own post.

1/2 Marathon...done.

2011-11-16T11:23:00.001-05:00

I've finally had some downtime. It's been a whirlwind since the 1/2 marathon. My time was 2 hours and 26 minutes. So I guess I've set the benchmark for my 1/2 marathon time - there's definitely room for improvement. I couldn't believe it when I finally reached 6 miles. After that, it was just chug-chug-chug-along and see if I can finally get to the double digits. I felt so happy to have reached the finish line. Oh, and since I'm crazy and I'm disliking work so much, I decided to accept RB's offer - I'm going to Disney World to run a half-marathon in January! I've got less than 2 months to prepare. Woohoo!!

I never got much sleep after my last post. RB and I got up around 5:30am to get ready. My skin's terrible and I think I've finally recovered now, but still, I just wasn't feeling all that well. I pushed through the 1/2 marathon. After the run, RB and I stumbled back to our hotel where The Colombian was still asleep. We all took showers (not together, of course), packed, and got back on the road. According to RB and The Colombian, I passed out in the backseat for a good 2 hours. The Colombian jokes, "You're like our daughter!" I always feel like an only-child when I'm sitting in the backseat alone.

RB had her heart set on pasta so we were looking for Mimi's Cafe somewhere in Alabama near Montgomery. We drove through the 'hood in hopes that Mimi's wasn't like another Ann's Snack Bar. Google maps mislead us confusing Chase St with Eastchase Parkway. So we got our pasta, got back on the road, and I got dropped off at my house around 6pm.

I was in a rush to unpack my recent bag, shower again, and pack up again for the next morning's flight to San Francisco. I was kind of in a foul mood because the thought of returning to work really bugged me. It's weird how I feel so repulsed by work these days. I don't think my parents understand. They just think I need to suck it up, stick with it, and just be happy. Life just seems too short to be so unhappy. Maybe it's because i have no motivation to work. I'll come back to this some other or in another entry.

So, come Monday morning, I get a ride from my dad to the airport. I had a good 2 and a 1/2 hours to kill. So I treated myself to a pedicure at the spa. Remember how I said my skin looked terrible? It was bad enough that the manicurist asked me, "What happened to your face?" I just said eczema and stress. I think she felt sorry for me and let me stay a little longer on the massage chair even after she finished my deluxe pedi. I was so tired that I almost fell asleep in the chair and for a moment, I think I was in pure bliss to be doing nothing. The manicurist kept telling me, "Just relax." So despite the peeling skin on my forehead, eyelids, chin, and neck, I had to admit that I felt much better. I tipped the manicurist well and I can't wait to go to an actual full-on spa for a day. Maybe I'll reward myself after this project finishes or once I'm in that gap between jobs.

I got lucky again on Monday that my manager was on a different flight. Originally, I thought we we were going to be on the same flight, so I'd have to do work on the plane. I ended up sleeping and watching tv on the plane. I'm sure I'm paying for it now as I haven't completed anything. My coworker rented a car, so we got to the hotel around 3:30 and decided it wasn't worth going into the office. We settled for an early dinner and I went to bed at 10pm local time.

So I'm back in the Bay. No crazy-dating for me, although I do plan to see some people.

In Pensacola

2011-11-12T23:25:00.001-05:00

RB, The Colombian and I checked into our hotel around midnight. In retrospect, the drive wasn't so bad despite afternoon traffic. Because we left late afternoon, we got some food truck tacos from Yumbii at the Howell Mill Food Park before hopping back on the interstate to get out of Atlanta.

Surprisingly, I'm not sick of being around the couple yet. Sometimes, they're like the older siblings I've never had. In the wee hours this morning, around 3am, someone from outside was trying to get into our hotel room. That was kinda scary. The Colombian was on it, though. He looked out the door and it turns out it was some drunk guy who finally realized he was getting into the wrong room. I think we all drifted in and out of sleep. The Colombian snores like my dad. I'm sure I annoyed the couple with my sleep-scratching and I think I move a lot in my sleep.

This morning, I woke up to a pillow fight. We all got ready before 10am, walked to a local bagel place for breakfast, then went to Best Buy so The Colombian could buy a laptop adapter and RB could get headphones. We meant to kill some time this morning before going to the Running Wild running store to pick up race packet info. I thought about buying a pair of shorts since the weather in Pensacola has been pretty warm, but then the pair I wanted didn't fit right. I think I'll be ok with my Nike Dri-Fit capri pants, technical tshirt, and my gym fleece (to hold my cell phone and snacks).

We returned to the hotel so RB could buy lottery tickets from the gas station across the street. The Colombian and I were looking at the coffee machine, so we each ended up getting one - a hot cup for him, a semi-frozen one for me. We walked to the Veterans Memorial nearby to look at the largest veteran memorial replica. By this time, it was close to 1:30pm, and we decided to go see the Blue Angels last air show of the year.

I guess I could say that seeing the Blue Angels is just another thing to add to the list of things I've experienced. I wish I could've gotten better pics of the jets. We went back to park the car at the hotel, just to ensure we had a parking spot (as the hotel fills with race runners), and walked to lunch/dinner at McGuire's Irish Pub and Brewery. Service was a bit slow, but we all got our burgers and walked to Krispy Kreme to buy tomorrow's breakfast. For all the walking we've done in downtown Pensacola, this place hasn't been really pedestrian-friendly. In a way, it is safe because of the sidewalks, but crossing the one-way streets was kinda dangerous. Once again, I'm so glad that The Colombian was with us.

For the past few hours that we've been in this hotel room, I've been checking on work stuff, so I'm prepared to do some hardcore work on Monday. I'm really not looking forward to this, but I really should enjoy my present moment.

My skin is kinda crappy as the air here is kinda dry. The hotel room is okay - I might be allergic to something, but I'm going to bear with all this as much as I can and hope it'll heal eventually. I'm somewhat bloated too.

Mainly, I've got the same anxiety I usually have before a race. Maybe it's a little worse tonight because I'm doing freakin 13.1 miles, which is twice a 10k - something I've never done before. RB's completed one before and I think she's having some trouble sleeping too. As I look over to the other bed right now, I see The Colombian with his laptop on. While we're working/surfing, we're watching Comedy Central. I see The Colombian stroke and pat RB's back to help her sleep. It makes me smile to see how much he loves her.

RB suggested doing the Disney World 1/2 marathon in January. She said she'd buy my entry fee as my birthday present. I'd love to go, but I'll need to check with work. Part of me thinks, "Fuck work, it's my life." I'm really tempted. We also plan to do another 1/2 marathon within Georgia the following week after the Disney one.

Sorry, mind vomit. I took pictures today and eventually I'll share them. I promise.

Man, I hope I don't break down after mile 6 tomorrow and can't finish the race. Although, if I don't finish, I'm sure I'll share the emotional experience on here.

I'm going to try sleeping again. G'night. Thanks for reading.

When I Couldn't Sleep Last Night...

2011-11-11T09:08:00.001-05:00

Around 3am, I went through my text messages on my cell phone.

RB received my birthday present to her today. I got her a piece of jewelry she wanted. The first message upon receipt was:

RB: "Omfg! I love u!!!!!!!"
Me: "Hehehe I love you too!!"
RB: "I just opened mail got biggest surprise ever!!! Thank you!!"
RB: "I loveeeee it wow u r so cool :D "
Me: "hahahaha ur welcome!!"

A little later that night, Al sent me a message: "I hope I didn't wake you! <3 you for always being there for me. nite!!"

Feeling loved, I snuggled back under my covers and went to sleep. I'm so lucky to have such great girl friends.

One Day At A Time

2011-11-10T22:55:00.001-05:00

Now is kind of the calm before the storm. I have a feeling that things will not go so well after Sunday, when I run my marathon, but I'm going to enjoy my time as much as I can before work shit takes up my time on my business trip. That's right; I'll be back in the Bay on Monday for a little over a week.

..and no, I'm not scheduling any dates, really. Well..maybe to see Chindian. Also to see TD. >.< I know he's not good for me and as much as he frustrates me, the chase has been fun. I don't know if I'll even have the time.

My day today has been spent watching back-to-back episodes of Wildfire. Yes, laugh at me for watching an old ABC Family show that's been canceled is now on Netflix. Like my admiration for Bella/Edward in Twilight, I have to admit I like the Kris/Junior pair in Wildfire. So as I'm sitting here, under my covers in bed, streaming the episode where Junior is making a romantic dinner for Kris, I can't help but yearn for some kind of romantic gesture from a guy. I hate television and movies for doing this to me. Maybe I'm also wacky and emotional because my period's coming. Despite whatever I see on TV, I'm still optimistic that I'll get my chance to be happily in love with the right guy for me. He's gotta be out there - a smart, witty, athletic guy who would complete me and make me feel safe and loved. I hope he has a respectable job that he excels in, has friendly parents and or sibling(s), and would like to raise a dog with me. Guy of my dreams would have a good personality, be great and respectable to my family, have his group of friends, be able to accept my friends, be my anchor, be supportive of me, be financially responsible, be able to cook and take care of himself without me....and the list just seems to keep going with this imaginary "perfect" guy I create in my mind. Sigh...

On another note, Crazy and I went to get froyo tonight. I had a strange dream with him the other night where he called me his "girl." In my dream, I told him I wasn't his or anyone's girl, which made him upset. I took this as a sign that I needed to stop leading him on. So I meant to tell him today, but I ended up just listening to him talk about his trip to Vegas. I picked him up because I had to get gas for my car, so when I dropped him off, the moment was a bit awkward. He didn't hug me like I thought he would. Usually, I'm a hugger if I get picked up or dropped off. So I guess we're kind of in limbo. Maybe he's not interested like I thought he was? Oh well.

RB, The Colombian, and I are doing our first road trip tomorrow. Originally, we were going to leave in the morning, but The Colombian forgot, so now we're leaving in the afternoon. I'm a bit bummed because I took a day off work and it seems like I'll be in town for most of it, but I'm still glad to eventually get out. I'll be doing my first 1/2 marathon. I haven't really trained much this past week, but I might as well get the run over and done with. We'll hold off on a marathon for a few more years.

So that's all for now. I'll update whenever I get the chance in the upcoming weeks.

Feeling Alive

2011-11-06T11:39:00.001-05:00

I have to go into work in half an hour on a freakin' Sunday (ohireallyhatemymanagerrightnow), so consider this my weekend recap in attempts to re-live a weekend that's not even over yet. Does that make sense? Probably not. Maybe it only makes sense to me.

Saturday morning, I left the house at 5:30am to catch MARTA for a 10k down at Turner Field. I think I can safely say this is the first and last time I will ever wake up EARLY in the cold morning to SEE a guy. If you've been keeping up with me, I decided 2 weeks ago to do this 10k to see Tri. RB was too busy Saturday to do a run, so I trekked down by myself. Being the directionless soul that I am, I'm surprised I didn't get lost in the dark. Driving to the MARTA station is easy. I had to switch trains twice, and once I got off at the right station, I had to walk about a mile to Turner Field. Keep in mind, this also means that after the race, I'd have to walk another mile. In total, I did 8 miles before 10am. This may also explain my fervent hunger for carbs yesterday. I digress though.

The 10k started at 8am, but I was already there waiting by myself and killing time since 7:30. I got into the starting line and eventually saw Tri. He was with 3-4 people. At first, I wanted to pretend I didn't recognize him, but then he caught my eye, so I waved back. He was actually in the way back of the starting line, and he came up to me to say hi. So I said I'd start in the back with him and his crew. While I meant to keep up with him, eventually I got so antsy being among the slow runners, that I charged ahead. I was ahead of Tri and his friends for about 2-3 miles maybe. Then, my shoelace came undone and that's when Tri caught his break. I couldn't keep up afterwards, though I'm sure I gave him and some others a good look at my ass when I was tying my shoe.

Throughout the race, I kept telling myself not to stop. I wanted to keep going and for the most part I did despite slowing down for water at the 2nd water station. There were a few hills, but it was kinda cool to experience another route in downtown Atlanta. We passed the King Memorial and Ebeneezer Baptist Church. I think I experienced runner's high around mile 5. When I neared the finish line, my hat flew off. I heard people shouting, "Keep going and pick it up later!" but I didn't want to. I finished around 59:02 or so. I can't help but think my time would've been a little better if it weren't for the shoelace and hat incidences.

I saw Tri waiting at the end of the finish line and he was probably taking pics of his friends. Before I left, I thought it was best if I said bye and went on my way. Upon seeing me, he gave me a hug and asked me about my 13.1 run in Savannah. Fool, I thought to myself. I think I've mentioned it's Pensacola dozens of times. No matter though. I said I had to leave and said my goodbyes.

Happy to be home, I showered, ate, and took a nap. I had plans to go to the taiwanese food/culture festival with Angel (and my family) and Loca Luna (nightclub/tapas bar) with RB/Colombian. I kind of didn't care for the festival because it was mostly to go support my sister and "meet" my mom's new friends. The good thing is that after the festival, Angel and I hung out a bit at her apartment talking about health and clothes. I also got my toys I ordered from Pure Romance (kinda excited to try that stuff out). I had just the right amount of time to kill before meeting RB and Colombian.

If you know me well, I'm not much of a partyer. In fact, I don't really drink that much. So I was getting kinda sloshed after 1 and a half caipirinhas. I kept telling The Colombian that I felt sleepy and each time I yawned, he kept attempting to put his finger in my mouth (Ireallydon'tlikethat). We were there with some of The Colombian's coworkers and we had a good time dancing, chatting and laughing. I was more than buzzed and I definitely could not have driven home, so RB, The Colombian and I sat in the car for a bit to rest. We continued laughing and talking nonsense. We decided to go to Waffle House near my house. The Colombian drove my car with me in it while RB followed in her car. I remember telling The Colombian how happy I am for him and RB.

There's nothing sobering like a bacon egg and cheese sandwich and hashbrowns (smothered, covered and chunked). I had my fill of food earlier that day, but this stuff tasted so good. "Wow, you're red," RB kept saying to me. You know, of all the years we've known each other, we've never gotten drunk together. Last year doesn't count because I was the only one drunk on my birthday. We finished eating and I felt alright to drive home. The Colombian told me to text when I got home.

I texted to them both: "Home now. Love both of you!!"

Colombian: "Awesome! We love you too!! Sleep well~ ;)"
RB: "Love yoi more :D nite nite thanks"

I took a hot shower, got into my pajamas and slept like a log. This morning, I woke up feeling rested. No hangover. Sucks that I'm going into work, but I'm surprisingly happy.

Let's see what the next few weeks bring me.

When I'm Bored...

2011-11-04T03:02:00.003-04:00

..and it's raining outside on a Thursday night, I finally swapped my spring/summer wardrobe for fall/winter. Oh and I played with some makeup. Maybe I'm finally comfortable showing my mug shots on here.

New glasses below.

It's just me.

Some Highlights

2011-11-02T01:35:00.001-04:00

I wish I could say I got more noticeable highlights in my hair, but I didn't. I just felt the need to highlight a few things from the past week since my last post. Terribly sorry.

Honestly, the previous week is kind of a blur to me except for Saturday. I achieved my personal best on a 5k at 28:23. It's still kind of unreal to me because my goal was to break 29, but I didn't know i had it in me to cut it down so much. Now I've gotta try to break 28, and so on. I think I'll be happy once I can do a 5k in 24 minutes.

Another notable mention is finally going to Ann's Snack Bar for a ghettoburger. The first time I heard about Miss Ann was probably 2 years ago before she got into the news for creating America's best burger by the Wall Street Journal. I finally got a chance to go with RB and The Colombian, and well, it was pretty good. Not sure if it was because I was anticipating it so much and I hadn't eaten anything all day even before my 5k race. We didn't even have to wait in line for a burger. The trek down to Kirkwood was an adventure too. As I was driving, The Colombian recorded our venture into the 'hood on his cell camera. I'm sure we said some not-so-PC things.

I went shopping on Sunday with my parents. I bought my heavily discounted Guess purse and another small purse I can carry with me pre and post running events. I REALLY need to clean out my closet and finally move in fall/winter stuff. I'm having trouble with picking out clothes in the morning. I want to try to dress well again and just exude sophistication where I go. Even if it means running a race haha...I think I already decided on what I'm going to wear for this weekend's 10k in case i see Tri.

Speaking of Tri, last night, Fish and I were on gchat. It was just like the old college days. We were awake around midnight talking about work, his girlfriend in Singapore, how I can bait or flirt with Tri and other topics peppered with our usual nonsensical babble about delicious bread and butter. I usually miss such conversations with old friends and I felt so happy talking to Fish like back in the day.

On another note, I'm pretty sure Crazy is after me now. On Sunday, RB texted me to let me know Crazy was "on the prowl" because he assumed I was hanging out with her. Furthermore, I don't really initiate gchat conversations with him, so it's funny he'll ignore me for a day or two before he initiates any instant messaging with me. Oh, the games we play. It's kinda fun, but I'm still certain I'm not interested in him. He asked me out to dinner at Maggiano's, but the day/night is still pending since I've been using my gym excuse - which is true. I told him I'd probably be more free post-running, so mid-November. It's funny how he bugs me to get froyo too. Here's another thing I've noticed about Crazy (please forgive the run-on paragraph). I think he thrives of people's energy. It's as if he can't be alone. Last week, after our mini golf challenge, I dropped him off at his house around 10:30. He actually ventured downtown, which is at least a 30 min drive, to hang out with another friend we know from high school. Anyway, I figure it's okay to go out on a non-date even if I might be leading Crazy on a bit. We'll eventually get to the "I'm not interested" talk some day.

I felt pretty good about work today. Maybe it's because I spent less time goofing off and was actually productive. I might have learned some things despite how frustrating it is to rely on people via Skype instant messages. I could tell my manager was disappointed at me because of how long this particular thing took me. In honesty, it probably could've been shorter if I were more focused. I feel bad. But I'm kinda happy that I finally got it done today. I think I'm gonna have to truly start working my ass off. Oh, vacation, where art thou?

I'll end on a good note. I think my weight has been stabilized at 152.8 for the past week. Either that or my scale permanently reads 152.8 after replacing its batteries. According to loseit.com, I was 4.2 pounds heavier this time of last year. This weight loss has been slow, but I have been losing weight the safest and most healthiest way possible. My body has definitely changed for the better.

Mind vomit as it is, I hope the things I've mentioned in this post inspire people to live the life they want. Whether it's re-connecting with people you haven't talked to in a long time, taking care of your body, doing something you've always wanted to do, overanalyzing like crazy over non-loves, or simply being happy. In the words of Bob Marley, "Love the life you live, live the life you love."

Play Hard Today, Work Tomorrow

2011-10-23T00:39:00.001-04:00

I should stop spreading myself thin, but I'll probably never learn to stop scheduling too much to do on one day, especially if there are 2 dates or nondates.

This morning, RB and I did a 5k. This particular 5k took place in a cemetary and because this cemetary is so old, there are few parking spaces. Therefore we decided to take transit. Wow. I think it took us so much more time, not only to get there, but also to return home simply because we spent so much time waiting. I feel terrible that I don't take transit that often, but the transit system here in Atlanta just doesn't fit my needs and it's not even fast or efficient. Anyway, this is a discussion for another day.

We got back to RB's house and I wanted to do breakfast/lunch with her, but we just didn't have time. I was in a rush to get home, shower, and meet Flannel for froyo. Luckily, Flannel said he could push back our meeting time by 30 minutes. I absolutely needed that time to shower and get ready. I didn't even take my time. I was in a rush even with drying my hair. I wore jeans, a green tshirt and a fitted khaki denim jacket. It's a bit more on the plain side, but I figured it was good enough.

So...here's what I've concluded with Flannel. I was at the froyo place at exactly 1:30. I waited a good 20 minutes for him to show up in the good 'ol flannel shirt. We joked a bit and well, it was mostly me asking him questions. I also realized that I couldn't really get any good information out of him except for the fact that he was born in Florida and what he does for a living - motion graphics work for a show on Cartoon Network (or something like that). He gets long-winded with his stuff. We talked about movies like Transformers, Green Lantern, scary movies, etc. While it's easy for me to keep some kind of conversation going, I just didn't feel anything. He didn't wow me. I'm glad the meeting was over and I think I learned more about myself and why dating Flannel wouldn't work:

- This guy was too centered on himself. Granted, I mostly asked him questions about himself, but he didn't put in any effort to try to get to know me.
- He refers to his dad often, which makes me think he's probably closer to his dad than mom (not sure if this means his mom is dead or something).
- His presentation is poor: I swear to God it's the same flannel shirt or he's got like dozens of them like Ernest P Worrell - thinks of those damn Ernest movies like "Ernest Goes To Jail." His hair was unkempt and sticking up near the back.
- Punctuality is important to me. Making me wait 20 min is kinda unacceptable.
- We're way too different for anything to work out.

There wasn't that much of a conclusion to our taro froyo thing. I kind of don't care anymore. He wasn't as funny or nice as I had hoped.

On the other hand, the second part of my day was with Crazy - at least he was entertaining and nice. He's still a friend though. We played all three courses at a miniature golf course and we had a good time. He also ended up paying for dinner - which makes me feel guilty, but I kinda liked it because I got used to picking up checks. I don't know what Crazy's thoughts are, but I think we're still at a comfortable stage of trying to get to know each other as friends. On the drive home, we actually started talking about relationships, marriages and the self-expectations we have for ourselves at a particular age. Ultimately, we just don't care what others think anymore. At least, I think I've gotten past that point.

Today and tonight, I'm happy. It's hard to say how I'll feel tomorrow when I'm working, but I certainly love that I can do whatever I want without feeling guilty and without needing someone else's approval. I never knew I could be this happy from being single.

Wheel of Fortune

2011-10-21T01:25:00.001-04:00

For years, I've always said to my parents that I wanted to be on Wheel of Fortune. I finally got my chance when I received an email a few weeks ago, saying the show's looking for Atlanta contestants.

Of course, typical, procrastinating 'ol me decides to finally make a video the day before it's due. I honestly had no idea what to film as I'm not much of a filmmaker or editor, so I must've winged it like 8 times before I sort of had a script going. Even then, I'm not sure how convincing my video will be for the casting folks.

I did turn something in though. At least I have a better chance having submitted a video than not. Plus, I think I'd be full of regret if I never got this chance ever again. I did my best with what I have. Please keep your fingers crossed that I'll get picked to go on the show.

Intro to Flannel

2011-10-19T00:41:00.001-04:00

Flannel's been on my radar since I met him last month when Crazy invited me to my first brunch group event. I think everyone in this group went to art school, so I feel kinda different from them in the sense that I'm not pursuing a career in art. They're definitely an eclectic group though and surprisingly, I've been able to infiltrate their little circle. Can't be that hard though, right? We all love food and brunch is special food (even if it's just a later breakfast).

Like any girl, I did my share of Facebook stalking on Flannel. Oh, and I'm calling him Flannel because he always seems to be wearing a flannel button-up shirt. The flannel kind of makes me cringe and he's kind of hipster-ish with fitted pants and thick-framed glasses. I think he's half-Chinese and half-Caucasian. He's taller than me, and he's funny. I really like funny guys. I really don't know much about him and I wish got to know him better. I finally got a chance to add him as a Facebook friend a few weeks ago after seeing him for the second time.

So this past weekend, RB, The Colombian and I ran a mile race which was sponsored by Yoforia, a frozen yogurt chain. Race participants get a free cup of yogurt. While RB and I were in line for self-serve yogurt, RB pointed out the taro flavor. If you know me well, I don't like taro. Coincidentally, at the end of the last brunch event, Flannel and I got into a semi-debate about taro froyo. I figured this was a perfect chance to do some trash-talking with him.

I went home, logged onto Facebook and posted on his wall: "i got free Yoforia today and i noticed NOBODY filled up on taro. just an observation i thought you should know." The rest of the wall post follows:

Flannel: LIAR!
Flannel: there's no way people would turn down taro...the greatest root type substance...eating...thing...ever to be concieved by...asians?
Me: i bet you a bowl of froyo that nobody but you likes taro. just name the time and place. we'll sit for an hour and watch the taro dispenser get picked last like the fat kid on a kickball team
Flannel: I see no reason to tempt fate in this matter. Taro is king of froyo. But perhaps a challenge is needed in this case. What's the standard you're thinking? If one(two? Three?) people get a taro declare myself master of all yogurts?
Me: if 3 people get taro (and i have my doubts you'll even see one), you can call yourself "master of all yogurts" even though such a title should go to someone who actually makes yogurt.
Flannel: Someone like yourself you mean? Well I definitely got you nest at least once cause now you can guarantee I'M getting a taro (book)
Me: haha your order doesn't count. and you can't coerce the yogurt clientele via monetary means to "try" taro. this challenge has to be in a controlled environment without any bias. time and place?

The conversation ended just like that on a Sunday evening. Come Monday afternoon, I'm chatting with the Chindian, fretting about why Flannel is not responding. Does Flannel think I'm an item with Crazy? What if he's trying not to step on boundaries? Do you think he's interested in some other girl?

Nothing happened for the rest of Monday.

Today, the Chindian follows up with me, "Any response from Flannel?" I respond with, "No, but I think he's missing out on how awesome I am." I'm pretty self-assured about my awesomeness. It doesn't matter that I can be weird or random. I've learned to embrace who I am. I can be funny and I'm fun to talk to. I have so much love to give to the world and if a guy doesn't see the potential in me, then fuck him, right? Well. You know I don''t mean that literally.

Lo and behold, exactly four minutes later, Flannel continues the wall post above. I'm bewildered and I can't help but think there must be some kind of radar or bug on me which makes guys like Crazy and Flannel respond. I'm feeling pretty all-powerful that the universe is listening to me. RB says I'm pretty good at calling out Beetlejuice.

Flannel: Hmmm~time and place eh? Weekdays are tough as I'm thinking we need commit almost a full day to this(oh yeah it's that serious)...but...maybe Saturday. I want this discrepancy put to rest here soon. It's liable to slip the very fibers of...dare I say?...the earth

For the remainder of the afternoon and evening, I'm stumped on how to respond. Someone else in the brunch group responded to our post saying our banter made her shoot soda out of her nose. I'm thinking to myself, if it took Flannel well over 24 hours to come up with a response, I'd also take my sweet time.

I went to the gym and thoughts about what or how to respond filled my head as I ran on the treadmill. You see, there's also this slight problem that Crazy and I have a miniature golf challenge against each other this Saturday. Remember my backfired plan? I fully plan on playing all 3 courses which may take a few hours prior to dinner, so the courses will take a good chunk of the afternoon if I can gauge from previous mini-golfing experience. Then I started feeling guilty that Flannel is more like Crazy's friend, so does this mean I should take Crazy with me to Yoforia? RB and Chindian say no, that I don't need to bring Crazy with me.

I bit the bullet about an hour ago and sent Flannel a private message if it's just going to be us. No more public posts for other brunchers or Crazy to see.

Me: all day at Yoforia? seriously? haha i'm running through a graveyard on Saturday, but i should be finished by 11am, so maybe around 1pm? i'm flexible. not sure where you live, but i'm in Carolville. let me know if Howell Mill, Morningside or Perimeter works for you. imma prove you wrong :D

I decided that I can still fit Crazy into my Saturday schedule, but if not, I can call and cancel golf (here's hoping that weather doesn't permit outdoor activity). I think I'm most likely going to cancel golf, but then there's also another brunch event thing going on Sunday. Argh...decisions. I'd get to see Flannel again, but then I'd feel bad letting Crazy know that I canceled on him just to see Flannel. On the other hand, maybe Crazy will back off.

As for going on this non-date with Flannel, I just want to be able to get to know him. Maybe he's a horrible guy. I'm not going to latch on to him just because he's a new guy I met with potential. I want to explore what potential there is by finding out where he's from, what are his interests, etc, etc and then see if it's even worth pursuing. I think this is the healthiest and best way for me to approach this.

If he doesn't respond to my message, then fine. I'm still awesome anyway. I can continue to kick Crazy's ass in mini-golf.

Fairly Awesome Day

2011-10-18T23:58:00.001-04:00

I'm actually pretty tired today. I stayed up late last night on gchat with Crazy partially because he was slightly emotional about an ex-coworker's passing. I can't help it. I don't like seeing sad people, even if it prompted Crazy to ask me out (again) this afternoon. I'll get to that later or in a bit as I recap a bit of my day.

I went to the dentist this morning and the other doctor within the group said I didn't need a root canal. Hoo-ray! $1400 staying in my pocket. So I got my teeth cleaned. It's about 10am and I wasn't planning on going into the office because of a building fire drill. I went back to my home area, bought and redeemed items from a local Bath & Body Works store, and then decided I'd see if RB wanted to go out to lunch.

Once again, this was an abnormal day. I usually don't see RB this often during the week, but we've always wanted to do lunch. I got to her office early and got a small tour. I sat in her office a bit, chatted with her about our usual stuff, and waited until some other people (I've met some of her coworkers before) were ready for lunch. While sitting in her office, I have to admit that I was a bit touched that she has a picture of us on her wall. It's a picture of us during one of our 5ks this year. "Yea, that's a good picture. You're my running buddy!" said RB after I acknowledged the picture. Hehe, she doesn't know that I have a multi-pic frame on my desk which contains a picture of us from a run, too. I'm so happy that I want to say out loud, "I haz a best fraaaaaand."

We went to lunch at Moe's with 3 of her coworkers, one being RB's older sister. We joked about getting frozen yogurt at Menchie's afterwards, but then decided we were too full. Plus, I needed to get back home to check in on work and get ready for an eye exam.

By the way, the eye exam went fine. I'm getting new glasses or "grasses" as RB and I like to call them.

I come home after my exam, and I'm on gchat. Crazy wants to see if I want to got Menchie's tonight. I had to turn him down because I had plans to go to the gym. He was so hopeful too by asking that even if it's late, we can still go if I'm craving yogurt. Who is this guy? I have to give him credit for being persistent. He says he felt obligated to treat me to frozen yogurt because I stayed up last night to listen to him and get his mind off death. RB had texted me after my exam that Crazy was being mopey online, so I guess he wanted company. Honestly, I think I already did my share of listening. I like frozen yogurt and all, but I still worry about misleading Crazy. Also, I am my own person. I should be able to do what I need to do: which is to do my usual gym workout.

So I'm home now and ready to get some rest. The redness on my face shows that I need sleep. I aim to please my "fans," though har har har. Let's see if I can finish details about Flannel in a separate post.

Check-Ups

2011-10-17T22:46:00.000-04:00

Over the weekend, I realized that there are a few appointments I need to do soon. So just a mental note of all the things I'm attempting to do this week:

Car Service. I need my car's oil changed. I also received a note about a recall with the software in my car for the transmission (?). I'll get both done at the same time this Friday at the dealership. I wasn't the least bit concerned with getting an appointment at 7am.

My teeth. Since my last appointment in April when I found out I'd need a root canal, I have not done a single thing. My teeth feel fine. However, as I'm leery that my benefits for this year with my company (I started 5 months ago) will renew at the end of the year, I figured it was time I went in for the second teeth cleaning of the year and perhaps finally do the root canal I need.

My eyes. I've done the almost-annual eye exam at Costco in order to get contact lenses. This year I actually have vision benefits so I'm going into get a new pair of glasses. I'm also a little annoyed with my current glasses from 2001 - they're definitely not the prescription for me anymore. It's hard to believe that I've had them for 10 years. After all, I did promise my mom that I'd wear my glasses longer if she'd pay a little more for them. They were dark blue Ralph Lauren frames.

I think my savings are going to take a hit this month from these checkups. I also need to get a few birthday presents. RB's birthday is next month and so is 32's. I think 32 is actually expecting me to get him something. I gotta keep busy.

Crazy Coincidence

2011-10-16T22:49:00.000-04:00

Maybe I need to rename this blog "The Adventures of RB, The Colombian and Carol" since that seems to be all that I talk about and because there's never a dull moment among us. Sex jokes are abundant. Even more so now because of Crazy.

I forgot to mention in the other post that I forwarded Crazy's text to RB because, y'know, it's like we're back in high school with triangles and he-said/she-said stuff. Of course, The Colombian knew everything because when I saw him today, he gestures to say his chin and says, "I did this in honor of you." There's speculation that Crazy is gay and that I'm the hypothetical beard to hide or shield him. I don't have anything against Crazy at all. I wish I could be better friends with him, but I don't like how me "being nice" gets perceived as "liking him."

So RB, Colombian and I are leaving a race to go back to RB and The Colombian's house. Once we get off the highway exit, RB see a Subaru and asks "Is that Crazy?" There's no way to doubt Crazy's car because it stands out with its spoiler and wheels. Our car is erupting in laughter because it is Crazy on his way to Costco.

RB: Hey, let's see if we can catch up. Damn car in front of us is so slow.
Me: Thank god for that slow car!
RB: Yea... it's one of those days that you appreciate a slow car. Hehehe. Actually, I might need to get gas for this car. Costco!

A few minutes later...
RB: So what do you guys want to eat?
Me: Not Costco
< More laughter >
Colombian: Are you sure you don't want a hotdog?
Me: NO!

I held my breath as we passed Costco. RB didn't turn in. Whew..

We settled on a BBQ place for lunch. RB kept making fun of me by looking out the window and claiming to see Crazy.

Sometimes, I think we've reverted back to high school. Crazy ALWAYS shows up if we're talking or joking about him. You might think I'm making this up, but as I'm writing this, I'm almost a little paranoid that he's driving up and down my street spying on me, trying to find the perfect opportunity to knock on my door.

This is all just for fun though, y'know? Life's a little more interesting now. I'll have to do a more thorough post next time how I'm trying to get to know Crazy's friend Flannel a little better.

Alone on Saturday

2011-10-16T21:36:00.003-04:00

My family and I celebrated my sister's birthday by having lunch at The Cheesecake Factory. I honestly had no plans for the rest of the day and I was getting restless staying at home and I even posted "Meh..I'm kinda bored" on my Facebook status. Soon, I regretted it and I've learned my lesson about posting statuses: it's a good guy-baiting tool, but results may be unfavorable.

Case in point, Crazy texted me to see if I wanted to go out. He wasn't even specific: "Hey, I know you said you had ur sister's bday and a run. But, wondering if you had time to do something this weekend anyhow."

Technically, I wasn't really all that "busy" when I told him my weekend plans last week, but I didn't want to tell him RB, The Colombian and I would most likely be hanging out on Sunday. So I replied back that Sunday was actually a busy day for me and I'll probably be cleaning out my closet. Clearly, "Cleaning my closet" is my code for "I'm washing my hair" to turn down a date.

Honestly, if Crazy had no feelings for me, I would have accepted his invite. Nevertheless, I know I have a problem with being alone especially since I'm no longer dating anyone. Prior to Crazy's invitation, 32 had already asked if I wanted to go out to dinner. I really want myself to be stronger and be able to deal with being alone. Besides, I didn't want to hang out with either guy, so I decided I would drive to Whole Foods to use up my $20 from LivingSocial.

Let's put it this way: If I had my own house and prepared much of my own food, I wouldn't have spent it all on chocolate and a tube of Black Coconut perfume. Actually, there's a theme in this haul: anything chocolate or coconut. My bottle of Zico coconut water is not pictured. Cashier must've thought I was coco-nuts.

But I don't care. These are my favorite things and I'm going to enjoy my Saturday night. I even stopped by Blockbuster to rent the 3rd Twilight movie Eclipse. Yea yea...I know it's for teens and tweens, but I still hadn't seen it yet and I wanted to make sure I saw it before Breaking Dawn next month.

When I came home from Blockbuster, it was a little after 8pm. I went on a neighborhood walk with my parents, came home to shower, and then did my nightly post-shower ritual of applying lotion while watching episodes of Sex and the City - I needed to watch something that didn't require my full attention. When I was done, I climbed into bed with my laptop and watched Eclipse. The movie was okay, but I went to sleep feeling happy. I don't need a man to make me happy.

Confirmations

2011-10-14T21:37:00.000-04:00

If we left out work aka "my means for money," I'd say my life is pretty awesome. Sometimes I forget how good I have it when I'm stressed out with work. I thought I mastered the work/life balance before, but this job is new territory. Let's stop talking about work and talk about the good stuff though.

My hair's not falling out like it used to. My parents keep saying it's because I'm in a better mood, which might be partially true (if it weren't for work), but I think it's diet. I'm starting to believe in the power of ginseng. But yea...mood could be a factor. I'm a happier person.

Last night I talked to RB on the phone and for the first time since I've known her, which goes back to 1998, she called me her "best friend." I know this is silly, but I'm happy because I've been calling her my bestie this whole time not knowing if she felt the same way. She picked me up today so we could pick up our race numbers for our next runs. We talked some more and were able to joke freely. I love how honest I can be with her. So yay! I officially have a best friend. hahaha

This leads up to the next development in my social life. RB had dinner with Crazy last night, and she's confirmed that Crazy has a crush on me. Apparently, he wouldn't stop talking about me during dinner and how he's probably going to lose to me at miniature golf. You see, I had this plan to bait the new friends I made last weekend. I was curious to see if either Tri or this other guy Flannel (ok, he wears these awful flannel button-up shirts..) would respond to miniature golf. As usual, my plans backfire and instead I get a response from Crazy.

Another thing, word spreads quickly between RB and The Colombian, granted they live together. After RB dropped me off home, I get a call from The Colombian. Besides wondering where RB is and if I'd like to get lunch since we're all working from home today, he asks, "So I hear Crazy's taking you out to Maggiano's." I could sense the smirk on his face. We chatted a bit about Flannel and how I should approach him and Crazy.

I think that's about it. I'm sorry this post isn't very coherent. It's just a jumble of thoughts and things I wanted written. Maybe something else will happen this weekend. Fish says I should ask Tri out to this culture fest thing, so I might try to get a group going. I'm a little scared, but I think that's natural. There's nothing fearless like asking someone out and holding your breath waiting for his response.

Keeping Me In Check

2011-10-12T10:57:00.001-04:00

After re-reading some previous posts, I've decided that I need to come back down to earth as it's the weekday. Work is kicking my butt and I'm not enjoying it. I resolved last night's stress by just going to sleep. I didn't do any work like I said I would do. When I woke up this morning, I just wanted to stay in bed. I didn't want to face work.

One good thing about my week so far is that last night I went to a Google Apps event with RB and The Colombian. That's right, I was partying on a Tuesday night. Well, not really. The event involved a presentation and a beer tasting at Gordon Biersch. I'm not gonna lie to say I was only there for the food and beer. The company, as usual, was good.

The Colombian and RB gave me a good talk. Apparently, I'm too nice which is why Crazy keeps coming back to me. This is why they think I'm leading him on. It's funny because The Colombian gestured with his pinky that I could easily have Crazy wrapped around my finger. So I guess I gotta be mean to Crazy now.

Now, I'm here at work. I'm going to try as much self-fulfilling prophecy as I can. It's difficult, but I'm going to try to make myself believe that I can be good with my work. I'm going to try to be ruthless. I will try not to procrastinate today. I will try not to waste time thinking about guys. My needs come first and I need to keep this job until I can fully grow into it or find some other job. The guys I crush on are probably not good for me. I can still hold out for a better guy. Mind over matter.

I can't wait for a vacation or for work to die down.

More Friends

2011-10-09T23:34:00.001-04:00

I think I made more friends this weekend. Yay! I'm here waiting for my Facebook friendships to get approved... Is there a particular convention to be used for officially becoming friends with people, besides being Facebook friends with them? Is it weird that I'm questioning this? My rule of thumb has been friending people after I've seen them twice, although I made some exceptions today because I didn't want some people to feel left out for any unknown reason.

Honestly, I wouldn't have met these people if it weren't for Crazy since they're more like Crazy's art school friends. I started doing this Sunday brunch group thing with them and since Crazy conveniently lives 2 miles from me, he usually offers to give me a ride. I can't complain because I'm terrible with directions in the city.

Since the weather was kinda cloudy and a bit cooler, I figured it'd be a good time to wear my knee-high boots with a knit dress. I brought a coat with me that I ended up leaving in the car. I just felt good wearing this outfit. Don't you love it when you're wearing something that's comfortable and you know you look great in it? That's how I felt. There's this extra oomph of confidence.

Crazy and I were the last ones to arrive. We filled up on bottomless mimosas for $9. Now that I think about it, it was all a fun blur. I had a fried egg sandwich with bacon and lettuce which came with a side of fries. I had such a good time laughing and getting to know these people. Towards the end, because Crazy's checked in on foursquare at this brunch place enough times, he redeemed a free housemade ding-dong. Ok, I know that "ding-dong" sounds bad especially when Crazy asked me, "Do you have room for a ding-dong?" Tasted yummy though, especially that chocolate ganache layer.

In the end, Crazy paid for my meal when we were splitting checks. I really didn't want him to because I think this made it appear like we're a couple in front of his friends. I think we were already giving that vibe when we were the late arrivals, we were seated next to each other at the table, and when Crazy looked like he had too many mimosas and nearly fell asleep at the table, people were joking about me driving him back - which did end up happening. That's fine because I must've had more sleep than him despite how flushed I was from the alcohol.

Given some instructions on how to get on a particular highway, I knew how to get home. Crazy said it was weird for him to be a passenger in his car. At least he didn't drive his other car which is manual, otherwise I wouldn't be able to drive. At least he trusts me with driving since I've driven him a few times already for Dragon boat. The ride home was quiet and he fell asleep. He'd wake up whenever I signaled to switch lanes, but seeing him sleep on a car ride made me feel so glad I was driving and not him. I offered to drive the car back to his house because I can walk home. He called me crazy. Ha ha...

Maybe I'm over-thinking things. Again. I know this is my problem. I can't get my mind to move on even if it's reviewing and analyzing the stuff that happened today with Crazy or thinking about how I'm too intimidated to ask Tri out or something. Can I possibly be just boy-crazy? Man-crazy? Is it a hormonal thing? I could've sworn I was fine a few days ago.

Another weekend is over. I feel so unsatisfied because I wish it would continue to be fun. I think the only good thing about Mondays is gossiping with friends on gchat at work. Yea..I'm pretty terrible as an employee.

Playing It Cool

2011-10-08T17:53:00.001-04:00

This morning, I went hiking with Fish and a group of people. If I've never mentioned this before, Fish knows a lot about me and the guys I've dated. So, I think part of the reason why I was invited to go hiking was so Fish could introduce me to his friend Tri. Why the name Tri? Because this guy is attempting to do a triathlon.

A little more background on Tri. We were probably at Georgia Tech at the same time but did not know each other. I suspect he was one of Fish's later friends after most of us (Fish's friends) had graduated. You see, Fish had trouble with school and it took him about 7 years to finish his undergrad. I did some FB-stalking and I suspect it took Tri just as long. Tri is originally from Malaysia, so he's got a bit of accent and I have to admit it's kinda sexy. He's currently a consultant for a major consulting firm and when time permits, he has a lot of outdoor hobbies: mountain biking, running, and riding his motorcycle. He's also currently studying for the GMATs to get into a business school.

I left my house for Fish's apartment at about 7am. I got there around 7:30 and noticed 2 asian guys hovering near the entrance of Fish's unit, but no Fish. So I called him on his cell to let him know I was here and that it seemed like his friends were too. I went ahead and introduced myself to Tri and his friend Young'Un (he was my sister's age). We all chatted until Fish came out. Then we all got into Tri's new GLI to go hiking. Fish wanted to test the car out, so he drove. Tri told Young'Un to supervise(?) so Young'Un was in the front passenger seat, leaving me and Tri in the back. Lucky, right? Yes. I think you can probably tell I'm a bit smitten because I had the chance to just listen to him talk. haha We talked a bit about work and about being on the other side of the table when recruiting at the GT career fair. Turns out we were there at the same time and day.

Once we got to the hiking location, we met up with 5 other people Fish knows from work. We hiked a 6 mile course which was quite a workout. I hadn't expected it to be so much so since it was my first time hiking. Would I go back? Maybe. I think a lot of it had to do with the company (no, not because of Tri). We actually had some decent conversations among the whole group. It was mid-hike that Fish told me, without Tri hearing, that he originally wanted to set me up with Tri. More or less, Fish was asking me if I'd be interested. Even though Fish and I are good friends, I wasn't ready to admit that I'd be interested. I just said, "I'm whatever." When Fish asked Tri months ago, that was about the same response because Tri mentioned he wasn't interested in doing anything longterm.

For all I know, nothing will happen on its own. I mean, I could tell Fish I'm interested, but...I have my issues:

1) If it's a little crush, I don't want to immediately act on it. I've gotten into relationships too quickly without thinking things through.
2) Maybe it's still a little too soon for me to be dating, even if it is a casual date?
3) Dating might be a huge distraction from work.
4) What if Tri is too good for me?

I know #4 is a bit of a weird reason. As much as I would like to be with an intelligent and successful man, I'm apprehensive that I'm not good enough. Maybe that's why I've had so much confidence before: I feel more superior and perhaps in more control when I'm "better" (as in more educated and more successful) than the guy I'm dating.

I'm probably getting ahead of myself though because I still don't know Tri well. I thought about it this afternoon. He's a world traveler with all the business trips he does. Me? I'm a hometown girl. As much as I want to go to places, I'm a bit scared. Tri's got over a 1000+ friends on Facebook. I whittled my list from 200 to 150 when I did my last massive clean-up. We seem to be too different and he's probably too busy with work/school/hobby plans to even date.

The other part of me argues that I should be able to date. Why should work dictate or baggage keep me from going out?

Blah. This might bother me for the upcoming week. I think this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to wait it out a few days to see if maybe Tri or Fish say anything. If there's nothing said by, let's say Wednesday, then I'll get in touch with Fish to tell him that yea, I would be interested in going out on one date with Tri.

Now, I'm starting to second-guess myself that I'm being forward. It's like dating is a game I suck at. Bah!

I'm just gonna run my 5k tonight with RB. Then go to brunch with Crazy and the brunch bunch tomorrow. This is a good weekend. I should enjoy it.

Armed and Dangerous

2011-10-05T21:32:00.001-04:00

As it's getting chillier here, people at the office are getting sick. Some people get it from their kids who get the germs from other kids at school. Some people just refuse to stay at home when they should. Maybe it's because some people are horrible at washing their hands and continue to wipe their snot on their sleeves. Sorry, lovely mental picture, isn't it?

Anyway, I was at work and I sat in a small conference room with my manager who was feeling feverish. After about 30 minutes, my nose started feeling congested and runny all at once. My throat was also irritable. It's almost hard to believe that I would feel so icky so quickly after half an hour. As soon as our conference call was over, I went back to my desk and I felt worse. I wasn't dying, but something didn't feel right either. I let my director know that I was leaving for the day but I'd be back online as soon as I got home.

At home, I felt instantly better and definitely more comfortable once I switched into sweatpants, a loose sports bra and a tshirt. I took a Zicam chewable since it should ward off cold symptoms. I lounged around in the sitting room attempting to do work, but ended up watching episodes of Whitney instead. Not sure if I have a full opinion yet of whether or not I like the show.

I can tell you that to ward off this cold, I've taken the following:
- my daily ginseng drink (whose effectiveness I now question...)
- Ta Cha Tsao brew for my most recent eczema/skin issues
- Zicam coated chews every 3 hours
- Some ginger and brown sugar concoction that my mom swears by to help the throat. In my wildest imagination, I'm a fire-breathing dragon. I feel the burn of ginger.

I'm about to receive an acupressure massage from Mom. It's not exactly acupressure, but some kind of touch/healing method she's been learning lately from a class. Supposedly there's a specific area on my spine she's supposed to push to help me feel better? All I know is that it's been painful when she uses her elbow. I'm a little wary, but let's put it this way...I'm taking so much stuff, I shouldn't be getting sick.

My only regret is that of all the times I wish I could be sick (so I don't have to work), I'm actually getting better. Maybe this is a sign I need to do better at work. I'm still struggling and as of today, I think it finally hit me that there are deadlines. Time to get my shit together.

Another Thing to Try...

2011-10-03T15:56:00.001-04:00

I just agreed to hiking this Saturday with Fish. I've never been hiking before because I've never really liked nature all that much. I suppose we'll see how it goes. So here's the plan for this upcoming week:

Mon - Wed: regular workouts at the gym
Thurs: local 5k in the evening at 7pm
Fri: pizza with 32 (meh...)
Sat: morning hike (getting to Fish's at 7am), 5k at night involving beer

I think I'll need Sunday to recover and rest even if it might ruin my original plan of running to the local park and putting in miles.

This makes me think of other things I've been wanting to try, like the chocolate cooking class at Whole Foods or even trying out different restaurants. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to work, so I could just constantly cross things off my list. I'm going to have to revisit my 10 in 100 list again soon. I don't think I ever got around to finishing my reading.

Catch Up

2011-10-03T12:42:00.002-04:00

Continuing from where I left off in my last entry...

Angel and I got pedicures. I realized how awkward I still feel having someone work on my feet even after my second pedicure. I like the results afterwards though. They weren't as good as my first on removing calluses, but there were so many extras thrown in at this nail salon - head/neck/back massage, sugar scrub and mask on my legs, all for the same price. I think I'll most likely come back to this place. After our treatments, Angel and I went shopping in the plaza and had salad at Doc Green's. It was good to catch up.

Next morning being a "work from home" Friday, I slept in a bit before starting work. I'd say I got a decent amount of work completed before I left around 7 to go downtown for an art walk - it was Flux at Castleberry Hill. I met up with my friend Kenneth at CNN center and then we proceeded to walk around the area looking at some alternative art mediums: street performances, projected video on a building (my favorite of them all), sound box installations, a beatbox competition, etc. King of Pops was there, so I also got a pineapple habanero popsicle even in the sub-60 degree weather. I was ready to go home after a few hours. Some of this stuff was neat, but I realized that I'm just not into it. The art walk was almost an all-hipster thing with a few random trannys walking around. Maybe I just don't get art. At least I gave Flux a chance.

On another note, driving home from Flux got me so hungry, I actually stopped at a Taco Bell for a burrito. That was kind of a guilty pleasure: eating something bad at midnight by myself. I'm almost a bit proud that I did something different to satisfy my hunger and make myself happy. Honestly, I could've settled for a bowl of instant noodles at home if it weren't for the fact that I'd wake up everyone at home.

My Saturday morning was spent going to Dillard's with my parents for a major sale on clothes (additional 40% on top of a 65% reduction). I got two skirts and a top decent prices. Then I gorged on sushi/sashimi at Nori Nori for lunch. We came home and I decided to nap before my evening 5k at Piedmont Park. This was definitely a fun 5k to do at night with all the lights and costumes. I'm pretty certain I'll do a costume for next year. I did better on this course than last time for the relay. As always, I enjoy my time spent with RB and The Colombian.

Sunday came around and I woke up early to run to a nearby walking trail. I jogged/ran 2.5 miles to do the park from my house and did some running on the actual trail. My total running mileage was 5.7 miles, but I also walked a few miles too. Total coverage was 9.3 miles. Then I got a ride home with my parents who drove to the park haha. I can be such a wimp! I was sore after all that and I'm still feeling the soreness today. However, at least I know I have the ability to run to the park. I think I'm going to do this particular run every Sunday morning to see if I can start running longer in preparation for the half marathon.

This month of October promises to be very busy with running. RB and I are also going to try fitting in a quick vacation somewhere within driving distance (sorry Al! looks like I can't make it Portland yet!). I've also been doing whatever I can to avoid 32. I really don't miss him at all. In fact, he's been kind of a thorn in my side with his constant texting. This past weekend, I got the sense he was doing everything he could to get a meal/moment to hang out with me. If it wasn't breakfast, it was lunch. I just didn't care. More and more he feels like a waste of my time. I find myself to be a better person without him and I can do whatever makes me happy. I'd much rather go to a dinner and a movie by myself rather than including him. At least I'd know I'm watching a movie I want to watch. Plus, I wouldn't have to pick his ass up from his house like I always have to do. (Sorry, I just got angry thinking about all this). One of these days, eventually I'll stop referring to him in here. Thanks for bearing with me.

6 Miles

2011-09-29T17:02:00.002-04:00

I've done a couple of 10ks, but never have I ever run 6 miles on my own accord for a workout. I finally did it last night. I kind of don't care that it took me over an hour to do on the treadmill, because I did it. I think the pace said 11:19/mile, but the reality is that I run faster on the road. I usually average about 9:30 or 10 minutes per mile. I thought this was record-worthy.

I'm meeting up with Angel today. It's her week off while she's changing companies and jobs. We're going to go get pedicures once I get off work, eat some dinner, and go shopping. Wheee!

I'm still keeping busy with my social life as much as I can. Besides the running, I'm also trying to hang out with different people. This sounds silly, but I want to have a bigger birthday party this year than I did last year. Don't get me wrong, I like small groups, but I'd like to do one last big bash to celebrate my last 20s. I'm already thinking about where to have my party since I don't want it at my house with my parents around.

But, you know, if it is a small group, I can always cover everyone's dinner/drinks and such.

I'd Like Him To...

2011-09-27T21:52:00.001-04:00

...cook like Tyler Florence.

...be badass like Jason Statham.

...sing like Bruno Mars.

Hahaha, I doubt there's one guy who encompasses all that. Mostly, I want a guy who's smart, funny, outspoken, and financially-responsible. Sweet and caring are given characteristics, but I hope he's cool enough so I can bring him with me to gatherings.

I think Mr. Future Husband would have to be family-oriented and I hope he comes from a supportive family. I'd like to get along with my in-laws since I believe marrying someone also means marrying their family.

I don't know what else to say. For the most part, I've got my mind open because I don't know what to expect in my future.

..but it'd be nice if he sang like Bruno Mars.

Running Results

2011-09-26T15:20:00.001-04:00

Be the One 5k. Finished in 29:38
Lexis Nexis. Finished in 29.27

Apparently, I'm a lot faster than I thought because I never take in consideration the delayed seconds it takes me to cross the starting line. I just remember the time crossing the finish. So I'm averaging about 9 1/2 minutes per mile.

I still see people finishing in 26-27 minutes. I wonder what their secret is.

Eating Food and Making Memories

2011-09-24T22:25:00.001-04:00

I was back at Tech campus again this week. I got there on a Thursday night with a ride from my dad, so I wouldn't have to deal with Friday traffic or have to deal with parking (because there's no such thing as free parking on campus unless it's illegal). In a way, you'd think I'd have fun not having responsibility, but in reality, I was stressed because of some documents due for work. Needless to say, I felt the strain of being a college student again as I stayed up all night procrastinating on chat while "working" on documentation. I think I stayed up til 3am that Thursday night.

Friday morning, I eventually turned everything in via email and received feedback. I knew I turned in some shitty documentation, but to a degree I didn't care anymore, which always happens after I'm stressed for a while. I had the same "I give up" sentiments in college as I do now and it was kind of funny to be on the same campus that brought me so much stress to my health. Anyway, I tried to have as much fun as I could "working" remotely on the college campus.

Such fun things would include going to Food Truck Fridays at Atlantic Station where I had a some tacos from the Yumbii truck, a taco and lime fries from Tex's Tacos, and a King of Pops chocolate sea salt popsicle. Mmm..each time I finish a popsicle, I wish I could go back for another. Maybe it's because I can't get a "fancy" tasty popsicle where I live. I also went to see my advisor for my major just to say hello and see how she's doing. In the afternoon, I went to my sister's friends' apartment down to the hall to play some online pictionary-type game - yes, there were 5 of us, all on our laptops, playing in the living room. We went back to my sister's after about an hour because I needed to get ready for the food rave.

The Atlanta Food Rave was kind of a disappointment with the layout. I wasn't able to try everything from the chefs and I lost my "voting" marble which must have fallen out of my purse. I had a good time anyway with Angel and Irv. We might've made it into the next issue of Jezebel magazine - it's the Atlanta magazine about "beautiful people." I was a little disappointed that we had to get out of a line because Irv started fainting. At first, I thought he was joking or pretending to be drunk so he could cop a feel of my ass, but the second time he started wavering, Angel and I had to hold him up. I wondered if it was the rum and coke on an empty stomach, but he claims it was heat exhaustion. After we got him to sit down, I went in search of water. They met me halfway near the desserts, so we decided the line for more food wasn't important anymore. We stayed in the air-conditioned desserts room for High Road ice cream (which could be a new favorite of mine), cotton candy, and cherry pies from Red QueenTarts. We also took some pictures with cupcake cardboard cutouts. That was about it for the evening.

Angel dropped me back off at Tech and eventually I went to sleep. My sister stayed out later and I don't even remember her coming in. She and her friends must have been drinking hard because her friend slept on the couch. I didn't know this until this morning when my sister woke up to take me to my 5k in Atlantic Station.

So I know this post is probably all over the place in terms of recapping what happened, but here are the main points I felt about the weekend so far:

- I'm so glad I'm not in school anymore because of stress/studying/tests and uncomfortable living conditions (granted I was sleeping on the floor below my sister's slightly-lofted bed). However, seeing my sister and her friends laugh and joke really makes me miss my old friends. I wish I still had that kind of camaraderie with people these days.
- No longer being a student in school means that I can afford lots of things. I can always make back the money I spend.
- I like the fact of dressing up once in a while and feeling good about myself at a social event. I'm almost very tempted to submit myself for Jezebel's "Most Beautiful Atlantans" feature, but I'd need a good photographer and makeup artist. While there are a lot of photog friends, I'm a little embarrassed to ask for them to take my portraits.
- I'm extremely glad that I'm not attracted to Irv. That fainting thing was not cool. Men should know how to hold their liquor (please? rum and coke??) or keep heat exhaustion in check.
- I had a few conversations with random strangers waiting in line this weekend. Maybe it's southern hospitality, but people are willing to let you cut a drink line if you have a fainting friend in need of water.
-Talking to people is skill I need to work on so I can be as good as Angel to get the last scallop from the Straits Atlanta table.
- I really, really, really like sweets like cake pops, ice cream, popsicles and chocolate. Mr Future Husband should know this and needs to appease my sweet tooth.

On another note, I'm going to have to re-define Mr Future Husband in another post.

Clarity

2011-09-20T12:10:00.001-04:00

I'm not sure if it's the ginseng I'm drinking or maybe I'm finally aging wisely (yea right), but I feel like I've got clarity on many things these days. It's true that I'm still guided by my emotions and I still overanalyze crap, but I think I have better judgment now. A few examples...

Rather than jump Crazy because I'm unbelievably horny (to the point I'm having sex dreams with 32...eww), I've restrained myself. Crazy's a gentleman and he lives about 2 miles from my house, but I often think about how this would really mess up the friendship since we're both good friends with RB. In fact, RB is seeing about making Crazy a bridesman. Besides, RB and The Colombian have often talked about Crazy being a virgin, so I kinda have my doubts that he's any good in bed. This is not sour grapes. I'm pretty sure I could have him if I really wanted to.

I'm doing whatever I can to minimize ties with 32. This includes less talking, less hanging out and less texting. It's started to bother me that he texts me so much. The single "K" text drives me off the wall and he should be so lucky that I have unlimited texting. Otherwise, I'd be chewing him out about it. Back to the point though, filling up my calendar definitely helps me avoid him.

Last night, I got a call from college friend Irv. I've always wondered what it would be like if I dated him if I wasn't with Jay or 32. I think I've got my answer now: I'd probably fall asleep from boredom. The 1/2 hour of conversation felt like an hour because a good chunk of it was about him venting about work and finding a new job. I'm not really looking forward to seeing him at the food rave, but at least he decided to talk to me about his work now rather than the night of the rave. Even Irv knew how much of a "Debbie Downer" he would be.

I honestly think I used to "fall in love" with whoever was around even if the guy was not good for me. I'm aware of this habit now and I'm careful to assess my feelings before I do anything stupid. I think a lot of it has to do with attitude. Before, I used to be anxious to find the one to settle down with. Now, I realize it's going to take much more time and effort so there's no need for anxiety. It's the whole "go with the flow" thing.

In a way, it's kind of like running: one can't expect to achieve everything in short amount of time. It's taken me over a year to be in shape to run. I may be in the best shape of my life in terms of fitness. While I've participated in six 10k runs, I only fully concentrated on two of them. I've done at least a dozen 5ks. Last night was the first time in my life that I did a 5-mile run on my own, even if it was on a treadmill. It's not quite the 6.2 miles in a 10k but I'm proud of myself. I didn't know I had it in me.

I'm happy with the progress I've made and I truly feel like I'm not as broken as I used to be.

Chindian Quips

2011-09-19T16:52:00.001-04:00

The Chindian and I still keep in touch and we just reached the comfort level to add each other on Facebook. So...if you're FB friends with me, I might give you his real name so you can do some FB stalking yourself. Actually, I'm sure if your stalking abilities are good enough, you could find him without me providing a name.

I don't think I'm on The Chindian's hook anymore. I really enjoy being his friend because we compare notes on dating and singledom. I've got Crazy on my tail and the Chindian's got Doris. Except, I don't really want Crazy. Our conversation usually goes like this:

Chindian: I figured out..she's like a cat
Me: haha what??
Chindian: one of those cats who gets frightened away if you come on too strong
Me: does that make me a freakin golden retriever?
Chindian: haha ummmm yes
Me: oh shit.
Me: go on
Chindian: they're really friendly dogs :P
Chindian: I should write a book and list out different people types compared to animals.

We've got a few inside jokes about "chocolate man" - a black man who sent me a message on OkCupid claiming that he's produced music for reality tv shows. I'm warming up to the idea of going back on OkCupid for fun:

Me: there's exponentially more chocolate men in Atlanta than the Bay Area
Chindian: mmm...70% dark cocoa

Lastly, I told him about my latest foray into googling asian NFL players and finding Will Demps.

Chindian: asian nfl layers..small group of dudes.
Chindian: shit..i'd almost do will demps
Chindian: just googled him

I told one of my college guy friends about my adventures in California during dinner a few weeks ago. He calls the Chindian my "Cali boyfriend." I don't know about "boyfriend" but there are times when I wish some friends lived closer. I hope someone invents a teleporting machine soon.

Beware of Dog

2011-09-18T23:44:00.001-04:00

The weather is changing here in Atlanta. The days and nights aren't as hot and humid anymore. It's really comfortable and I'm enjoying it. However, I'm also a little uncomfortable because of some recent circumstances at home.

Some of you might remember the time my dad was talking to his ex-girlfriend from college. Those were the days when I was the watchdog in the family, keeping an eye on each family member, while trying to keep the family together. Like a spy, I did reconnaissance on my dad - checking the amount of cash he kept in his wallet, going through his bookbag, logging in and checking his email with a key logger. I tried to keep all this information away from my mom and sister.

This past week, I found out that my dad has a college friend coming to work in Atlanta for a year. This college friend is actually from New Jersey and hangs out in the same social circle as my dad's ex-girlfriend. I've eavesdropped a bit on the conversation between my parents and I found out a bit about this visitor. I think he's religious because one of the first things he asked was where he could find a Chinese church. I also think there's something wrong with this guy because he tried getting a refund on Priceline for his hotel stay and he requested us to find him a place to live where there are fewer black people. I guess you could say he's your stereotypical cheap, paranoid Asian.

I sense a change in behavior with my dad. He should have broken all contact with ex-girlfriend, but I can't help but sense that his old attitude his back. He tries to be jovial and lavish with spending money in front of his college friends. I don't know if it's because he's trying to show-off that he did well with his career. Additionally, he becomes stupid and aloof around the house. Maybe it's because he's approaching "old age" (and I use quotes because he's only 55 years old) but he does some backwards shit like getting an electric fan to air out a car trunk when simply having the trunk door open in the middle of the day would be fine. Or he wears a warm-up jacket when it's 75 degrees outside. This crap really bothers me and my mom. There's a chinese phrase that describes my dad perfectly. Translated, it's something like, "he takes off his pants just to fart." Basically, he goes above and beyond the means necessary to do something.

I think dad's aware of how sensitive of an issue it might be for the visitor to come to our house, which is why he hasn't invited the friend over nor has he said much in front of me about this visitor. Honestly, I don't think I could handle having this guy in our house - even if he isn't directly tied to how the ex-girlfriend got back in contact with dad years ago. I feel like there's this bad energy coming back into our family household and it just makes me nervous. I don't want to get back into watchdog mode, and yet I'm afraid if I don't, then my family will have to go through the same thing we did before.

I'm still angry at a few things about the ex-girlfriend. I've told my sister this last weekend, but I'll repeat it again: I'm angry that the ex-girlfriend's family stayed in tact while my family suffered so much. Why? Why does her family get protected? I want her husband and kids to know everything that went down. I also hate the ex-girlfriend's sister for pushing my dad and the ex-girlfriend to talk on the phone. I still have these fantasies of flying to Jersey, getting a gun, and waiting on their doorstep to give them hell. However, the rational side of me questions, "What good would this do?" This doesn't solve anything.

I still don't know how to get past all this. I'm kind of convinced that we never really get over these type of things. The best way for me to cope is to keep busy and distract myself. It's nights like these that my mind wanders and I overanalyze the crap out of things.

So I think I'm going to read or research something online. I totally wasted time the other day by checking out Asian NFL players. I'm talking Will Demps (who doesn't even play anymore) and Kailee Wong. And why does Ed Wang's nostrils always flare out in his pictures? His hair's longer than mine, which really bothers me. I call this research "admiring unicorns" because, as optimistic as I am about finding Mr. Future Husband, I have a feeling that dating an asian guy over 6' with a football player's physique, will probably never happen to me. So I'll just admire them on the internet. Yup, I think this is a pretty good way to get my mind off certain things.

Perspective on 32

2011-09-15T22:00:00.001-04:00

I'm hanging out less with 32 and I think it's clear to him that we're no longer together. Finally, right? We still text and occasionally talk to each other on the phone, which is fine. Sometimes though, he makes me soooo mad.

For example, I got home early from work and thought I'd take about a 40 min nap before I leave for my 5k. I'm in deep sleep and he calls me to wish me good luck on my race. I ignore the call because 1) I'm utterly pissed that he woke me up, 2) He's been butt-dialing me all day and I have minute-long voicemails of pocket noises, 3) He knows how much I'm trying conserve of my minutes because I freakin share 700 minutes among 5 people. I still kinda hate him right now for waking me up because it reminds me of how disrespectful 32's parents are to him when he's trying to sleep. I can't help but think that "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

Lastly, right now 32 is hanging out at Wild Bill's for a lame car meet that goes on every Thursday. I'm glad he's doing something to be with his friends, but the car stuff is a waste of time. Nothing good is gained from these meets. He's still with the same loser friends who have no future. They're just all loitering in some parking lot.

I have nothing against a significant other doing something hobby-related, but there's just something about this car thing which completely turns me off. I'm trying to figure out if it's really the hobby thing that makes me annoyed. Because I'm starting to think that if 32 were successful with a high-paying job, I probably wouldn't mind the lame car meet. Would it bother me if 32 were playing a weekly poker game? Or playing XBox with his friends? I'm not quite sure.

I don't know what it was that I saw in 32 when we first met. I think it was the thrill of getting to know somebody new who was older. It used to be exciting, but now there's nothing else to it. He's just a dumb guy who made some poor decisions in his life and he's still wasting time. These days, when we hang out, I'm a little embarrassed to be with him in public and I feel my energy drained for me by the end of the evening.

I'm so glad I'm moving on. I don't want to make the same mistake again.

I'm not quite sure what was the point of this entry except that it's much more clear to me that 32 is not good for me.

Lately, I find myself musing about what the next guy will be like. Of course, I'm not spending too much time thinking. It's really more like a reflection at the end of the day before I go to sleep. Is he a runner too? Will he be funny and witty? Will he be able to put up with me and my insecurities? What tv shows does he follow? I know it's silly and a waste of time for me to daydream like this, but I'm not losing hope that he's out there.

And I'm off to sleep perchance to dream some more. It's been a long week. I'm so glad the weekend's here. Tomorrow, by this time, I'll be laughing and having a good time at a local tavern. I can't wait, so I better rest up!

Filling Up the Calendar

2011-09-13T12:40:00.001-04:00

I think I've managed to make it through this busy week so far. I survived yesterday's career fair, which was a bit disappointing because I didn't see many people I know. I suppose that's expected, right? It's been 5 years since I graduated and most of the people I know (besides my sister) have graduated from college.

Tonight's the Braves game with the office. I'm not sure what to expect. All I know is that I'm doing my best to attend as many office activities as possible. I think I'm going to try to dip out early since I don't like staying for an entire baseball game. I probably won't get a chance to work out either. I'll do what I can.

I'm filling up my calendar nicely though. RB asked if I was free Friday night to celebrate The Colombian's birthday at a local tavern. I had already bought The Colombian a gift - it was just a matter of when to give it to him. It's an umbrella with the handle of a ninja sword. Just a silly and useful gift.

This morning I got an invite for another party in a few more weeks. My high school friend Angel is hosting a Pure Romance party. Granted it's one of those cheesy Avon/Tupperware parties that's probably hawking vibrators and lotions, but I figure anything is worth a try.

Things are going great so far.

Old Haunts

2011-09-11T23:11:00.000-04:00

I've woken up at 5am the past few days for some events: Dragon Boat Festival at Lake Lanier and the Ekiden Relay at Piedmont Park. I'm absolutely tired to say the least. I'm hoping I sleep like a rock tonight since I'm sleeping on the floor at my sister's apartment. I'm recruiting at the Georgia Tech career fair tomorrow.

But that's not the reason for this post's title as I am roaming around my alma mater.

A few hours ago, I got a call from a guy friend who was my high school prom date. For anonymity purposes, let's call him PD for "prom date." It was the strangest thing to get a call from him because we haven't spoken in almost a year. I'm not quite sure what to make of it, but I feel compelled to analyze and overanalyze this.

PD had a crush on me back in high school, but I never took him seriously because he's a joker and he's a year younger than me. We never really hung out until my senior year in high school and I found out much later, during my second year in college, about his feelings for me. This feeling quickly passed though and since then, he's seen me go through 2-3 relationships. We're pretty bad about keeping in touch, but it's not like we were ever close friends or anything.

Since the last time I talked to him, he had changed jobs and had plenty of hobbies with cooking and photography, separate or together - you could truly call him a food pornographer. I heard rumors last year that PD was dating a "popular" makeup blogger who he met at different shoots. I did a little more research into this makeup blogger today and they're still together. In fact, he's shooting some videos for her.

I swear it's not because I'm jealous, but I'm sad for PD. During our phone conversation tonight, he mentioned that he's doing more fashion shoots. I looked at his girlfriend's site and well, she's definitely leaning more towards the fashion stuff now more so than makeup. I can't help but think he's losing himself in this relationship for her. I just get this vibe from seeing her posts and vlogs that this makeup blogger is really vain, and yet I found pages about her on GuruGossip saying how "sweet and genuine" she is. I can't figure out why I feel like there's some kind of flaw to her that I can't put my finger on.

Do I have feelings for PD now? I don't think so. And I want to know WHY THE F*CK did he call me tonight except to tell me that he's moved back to our hometown? I really wasn't sure what to talk about with him because, well, it was pretty obvious last year that he didn't have time or interest to be my friend (or something like that). I'm really disliking this whole thing about him being his girlfriend's bitch.

I'm only so happy for myself that I'm not running in circles around a boyfriend or that I don't have a boyfriend acquiescing to my whims and interests. I don't ever want to change myself for somebody else because I like the way I am, nor would I want someone to change himself for me. If I'm ever gonna find the right guy, there's got to be this perfect chemistry where we can still be ourselves and be great together given our different personalities and interests. If he happens to also be into running, then great! But if he's not, then it's fine. I hope to always have RB with me for running.

It's kinda funny how before I didn't think there was any hope for me just because I was so frustrated with guys. To a degree, I'm still frustrated with guys but I think to myself that I know one day, the right guy will show up. I won't call him "the one" because I don't believe in one perfect soul mate for me (although that's not to say I believe in being with many men). I've accepted that it may take a while for me to find the guy who completes me. I can wait because I know it's going to be worth it. In my mind, he's going to sweep me off my feet so that all my ex-boyfriends pale in comparison.

To the man of my dreams: I don't know what you look like, but we'll eventually find each other and be simply awesome together.

The Countdown Starts Now

2011-09-07T17:16:00.000-04:00

This afternoon I signed up for my first half-marathon in November. I've got a little over 2 months to prepare. I'm excited and scared at the same time. Excited that I'm going out of town with RB, but scared that the 13.1 miles, if not the training, will kill me. I knew that the day I ran a half-marathon would come soon, but I didn't think it'd be 2 months from now. However, knowing me, sometimes I need a shove to get things done.

I'm not sure how training will be like since I'll have to log more than my usual 3 miles a day. However, I've started looking at training guides to see how I can prepare. Something tells me I'm going to figure out a schedule so I have enough time to run. An hour might not be enough if it took me nearly an hour to do a 10k. A half-marathon may very well take over 2 hours for me to finish. Worst comes to worst, I do some walking.

RB and I will be doing some planning this week in terms of when we should start driving to our half-marathon location. It's about a 6-hour drive and we'll probably want to play tourist since it's in a city neither of us have ever been. I think we can do it. We've already paid, right? hahaha

Labor Day Weekend

2011-09-05T17:04:00.000-04:00

This weekend, I ate at the Iberian Pig, had dragonboat practice, and ate a Smashburger. Oh and I ran a 10k in about 1 hour and 2 minutes, which is ultimately a PR (personal record). I missed out on Dragon*Con, but that's fine. I needed my rest and got really into watching episodes of "Dollhouse."

I've started watching tv and movies online again and put off my books to read. I think my brain just really wants a way to escape. I need to assure myself that it's okay to relax and do nothing. I've kinda been so busy adding more activities to my calendar that I didn't realize how much I craved time alone.

I'm making tonight a quiet evening. I'm trying not to take a nap this afternoon because it will mess with my sleep schedule. I might do a face steam and put on a mask afterwards. I'm treating myself after this morning's good, although wet and rainy, run.

Let The Plans Begin

2011-09-02T09:36:00.001-04:00

I looked at my calendar yesterday and realized so much is going on this month. I'm kind of in anticipation about everything with 5ks/10ks, dragonboat race, and the potential of seeing friends.

Last night, I had dinner with my friend Stacy who I first met in 7th grade. We eventually went to the same high school and college. Before last night, the last time I saw her was at a wedding just a few years ago. It was SOOO good to catch up and talk. We were also celebrating her new job. I'm so happy for her and we've both come a long way since we were dorky 13-year-olds. Actually, I take that back. We were awesome back then because we were in between cool and nerdy. I can't wait to hang out with her again.

This afternoon, I'm going to finish work early and meet up with college friend Sung. We're going to the Iberian Pig for a food adventure. Pork cheek tacos, please and how about the eggplant fries I keep hearing about?

There's something going on each day of this Labor Day weekend. Maybe a long weekend is exactly what I need. I'm afraid it will go by too quickly though.

I need to tell myself more often that everything will work itself out. Maybe it IS all about attitude. Thanks, Susan. ;)

Falling Short

2011-08-29T11:23:00.000-04:00

The downside of being an optimistic person is that your expectations are never met. You anticipate things going well, but when the time comes and things AREN'T going well, you can either A) Shrug it off, or B) Let it ruin you. I've had a lot of things fail on me the past week and it's enough to make me want to be a pessimist - which isn't easy. I'm also ashamed of myself because I lack willpower. Enough of being cryptic, let's get down to it.

I indulged in Godiva chocolate and skipped my workouts this week. Like seriously. Last Monday, I ate 3 truffles and like 3-5 dark chocolate caramels. I actually worked out later that night with a measly 2.25 mi jog. I did some lifting too, but I knew it wouldn't be enough to burn off the chocolate. And yet, I still ate more chocolate the next day - 6 pieces of dark chocolate caramels. I was feeling burned out from work, so I didn't work out. I continued to make excuses for the rest of the week because I had plans with people.

My plans with people got canceled the day of the events - so I felt even less motivated to do stuff. Wednesday was supposed to be bowling with my coworkers. Because so many of them decided to work from home, the organizer decided there was no point in having just 4-5 of us hang out at the bowling alley. I went home, had dinner and just sat on my ass watching movies.

Thursday came around and I was sooo excited to see my high school and college friend Stacy for dinner. Around 11am, she called me and said she had to cancel to prepare for a job interview. Already unmotivated at work and sad that plans had fallen through, I told 32 about it and we went out for dinner because I didn't want to go home for dinner with family. Apparently, I lack the willpower to avoid 32 when I want some company.

My 5k race on Saturday went well even though I had only ran 2.25 miles 5 days beforehand. I finished in 29:55 which is about my average time. I beat my record for last year AND ran past RB. She might have been a few seconds behind me. But after the 5k, I had to rush to get home, shower, change and leave to pick up Crazy and my sister's friend for dragon boat.

Dragon boat ended up being lots of fun despite the Emory kids' tardiness. Crazy and I agreed that we definitely felt old in front of these college kids because they do dumb shit (like being an hour late) and ask stupid questions. Nevertheless, I had fun being on the lake and rowing my butt off.

The weekend made my week better, but I'm still disappointed that I didn't do all the running I wanted. I also ate poorly: a meat lover's pizza (not by choice), Chik-fil-A,Wendy's, and Kentucky Fried Chicken. I couldn't understand why I was eating this crap and I am ashamed.

So it's a new week and I understand I've got a clean slate. I'm going to try to put more effort into the workouts or else I'm screwed for the upcoming 10k on Labor Day weekend. This weekend shouldn't be quite as crazy, but I don't think it's going to provide me much rest either.

Oh, how I long for a vacation.

When Does It Get Better?

2011-08-23T22:30:00.001-04:00

I didn't necessarily have a shitty day, but I find myself wondering, "When does life get better?" As in...

When will work feel easier?

When will my mom stop calling me weird and abnormal?

When will I get to go on vacation? (And never return...)

When can I stop smiling and acting like everything is okay?

I'm a mess today. I've eaten copious amounts of Godiva chocolate and I kind of don't care. I deserved it.

A Different Sunday

2011-08-21T20:27:00.000-04:00

Normally on a Sunday, I would stay home all day, clean the house and take a nap. Today was a little different. I had plans that involved getting out of the house. Something a little outside of the norm which hopefully might become a regular thing.

That's a triangular bathtub we're all looking at in the Museum of Design Atlanta (MODA) for the WaterDream Bathroom Design exhibit.

Crazy and I talked about going to MODA a few weeks ago. Lo and behold, my wishes were granted by LivingSocial because there was a BOGO on admission. So Crazy picked me up today and we met up with his art school friends for brunch at Rosebud and a stroll at MODA.

MODA was brief because the space and exhibit were smaller than we had expected. I can't imagine how or why someone would want to pay $10 admission to view 2 rooms with different fixtures (although MODA will claim it's 3 rooms). Even $5 was kind of a ripoff. Oh, and $10 for parking.

To take advantage of parking, we walked a few blocks to Piedmont Park for the King of Pops cart.

Mmmm...lemon ricotta popsicle. Why do I look so sad? The popsicle was tasty, really. Creamy and lemony - almost like cheesecake but in an icy form. The other popsicle you see is a chocolate sea salt. The last flavors left were lemon thyme. Note to self: get to a King of Pops cart early for tastier flavors.

Since it was still hot outside, we stopped by Nook. Although no longer serving food because of some kitchen issues, we sat on the patio and sipped $2 mimosas and water.

That's Crazy next to me. It was kinda awkward that everyone left us the two-seater couch around the table. I am so lucky to have paparazzi around me among this group, so I never need to carry a camera. I hardly know these people, but I have to admit they are an artsy bunch of good company. I'm looking forward to seeing them again at the next brunch.

Bi-Polar

2011-08-12T10:13:00.001-04:00

My emotions have been all over the place this week. Well, maybe just yesterday. All sorts of good and bad stuff happened. I'm just exhausted. I started wondering if I might be bi-polar. Of course, I'm not trying to be all hip like Hollywood just because Catherine Zeta-Jones and some other celebrity (I can't remember the name...Demi Lovato?) have bi-polar disorder. Anyway, it's been kind of a rollercoaster this week and I'm relieved it's Friday.

I do want to get some things off my chest by describing the ups and downs of this week.

First off, guys are troublesome. TD sent me some messages again this week causing me to dislike the male population. I don't understand how he does it and I'm not sure if he's purposely doing it. Ultimately, I don't understand his endgame - is he trying to be a friend? Or is he stringing me along?

Secondly, the Chindian and I keep up every once in a while via chat. He needed advice on whether or not he should do the "friends with benefits" thing with his ex. We ended up talking on the phone Wednesday night for a few hours about his situation and about dating in general. I think our conversation calmed me down with my hatred towards TD.

Last guy-related thing, I promise. 32 and I keep talking. This worries me because I'm afraid of us going back to our old ways. I absolutely don't want to get roped back into the relationship, but I still want to be friends. Sadly, he's still one of the few people I can rely on for support.

The only good news this week is that I reconnected with an old girl friend I knew from middle school and up to college. This was the girl who brought me out of my shell and made me the "confident" person I am today. We're going to meet up next week for dinner and we're attending the Atlanta Food Rave next month. I'm not only excited at the prospect of estrogen-boosting companionship, but also that I'll be wearing cocktail-casual attire for a night on the town. Oh, and of course, I get to eat some yummy food.

Lastly, and this is what happened last night. My project at work didn't get saved. I freaked out and cried in my car on the way home because it bothered me so much. I felt hopeless because I didn't have data backed up or directions on how to do stuff. Things did get figured out last night, but I don't feel my work is 100%. I kind of don't care anymore. Really hoping this shit doesn't happen to me again.

I'm welcoming the weekend. It's felt like a hard week. I need some fun this weekend.

More Running

2011-08-08T12:35:00.001-04:00

I finally did a 5k I've absolutely needed to do especially after coming back from my business trip. It's hard to believe it's been almost a month since I returned from the Bay.

This weekend I ran Atlanta's Finest. I finished in 31:20. I know I can do better. I'm going to try putting in more miles this week at the gym and figuring out some more workouts. Good news is that I'm off my period, so I should feel more motivated.

...and really, I think I've had nothing but running on my mind because I've been looking for 5ks/10ks this weekend and this morning. I want to whip my body back in shape since the past few weeks have been horrible for me. I've created a google calendar for me and RB to share - basically, almost each weekend is filled with races. This might be the year that I push myself to do a half marathon. Key word is "might."

I hope I can follow through with all this. I'm just so sick of being fat. It's not really poor self-image. I am proud of my body, but I just know I can be in much better shape. I don't know how I managed to get back up to 157 lbs since I got back. I'm ashamed and frustrated, but I know this is a new week. There's still a lot of things I can try.

Playing Hooky

2011-08-05T20:01:00.001-04:00

Today around noon, I sat outside a coffee shop with my laptop, my bluetooth headset (yes, I bought it for work, but I'm not one of those douchebags who never takes it off), and a cold vanilla tea waiting for my work conference call to begin.

This morning, I treated myself to my first pedicure ever before in my life. I thought it would be life-changing.

It wasn't. Instead, it was kind of bittersweet because even though I made an appointment at a chain spa, I had a Vietnamese grandpa working on my feet. He was nice, but I felt really bad because here's this old man who has to make a living and receive insurance by working on ladies' nails. He had broken English and it was so difficult to understand him. I probably won't come back to get my nails done. Although, it was nice to finally have some of my calluses on my feet removed and yet...I'll be running a 5k tomorrow. I guess I should've scheduled the pedi after my race. haha

Nevertheless, today is about treating myself. I went to the bookstore and bought "How To Talk to Anyone" by Leil Lowndes. Then I went to Trader Joe's for some movie theater snacks like dark chocolate and edamame crackers. I browse around in Target's makeup and skin care section before I went to see "Crazy Stupid Love" - it was okay.

I've got a free evening now. I guess I'll do whatever I want. haha

Hello, August

2011-08-01T11:26:00.000-04:00

I can't believe August is here. I feel like I've fallen behind with my weight/fitness goal. I was supposed to be much lighter by now, and yet I'm still the same.

I'll tell you that one thing is lighter and it's how I don't answer to 32 anymore. I survived our "last date" on Friday night. I actually felt pretty guilty about how he spent so much $ on me, that I have to keep reminding myself I deserved it. A four-course fondue dinner at The Melting Pot (I also got a bit of a buzz from a spiked blueberry sage lemonade), tickets for Captain America (which was great - mmm shirtless Chris Evans), and I also got a few presents.

He bought me the Paul Frank bluetooth headset I was coveting when I went to Fry's. I also got some Paul Frank earbuds and a Paul Frank notebook where 32 documented all our dates and car shows we both attended. Everything, including the card, was Paul Frank. It was a bit much, but I knew he was trying so hard for me. He even went out to buy new clothes that actually fit him well. Otherwise, he'd be wearing his baggy khakis and one of the polo shirts I bought him that's really too big for him.

I still don't understand why it is that guys try so hard at the end of a relationship. I wonder if it's my fault. I think I let guys get away with so many things (like dragging me to a car show, or letting him take up my time) that eventually I'm fed up to finally complain. Maybe I'm just bad at communicating my wants and needs. Either way though, I need to pick a guy who's more of my equal and take the time to know the guy better before getting exclusive. I'm getting too old to make such mistakes.

I'm still healing from being in the Bay. I still think about the Chindian once in a while or how foolish I was with TD. There's no doubt I'll think about them all, including Sport and Daffy, when I go out there again. When I do go back, I think I'm just going to focus on me. I can have fun by myself by going to see a movie or having a good meal (that's paid for by the company). Why didn't I indulge on these things more last time? Or fit in more workouts?

I'm actually thinking about playing hooky this Friday by going to see a movie, getting a pedicure, and even treating myself to a good lunch. Maybe I'll bring a book with me.

I need to do more stuff for me. Maybe for my family too...but mostly, I want to love myself right now.

Bringin' Angry Back

2011-07-28T15:32:00.003-04:00

I'm not angry, but my back is. It's "official" that I'm allergic to nickel, cobalt and dispersing dye. So now I've got an "angry back" where I've got a few bubbles, itches and redness from reacting with the patch test. I wish I could show you all how sexy my back looks with squares, blue ink, and the skin reactions.

Update on the 32 situation: He's taking me out on one last date this Friday. I know this sounds like a bad idea, but he says he wants to end things so we have one last good time. I figured out it was a 4-course dinner at a fondue restaurant that he always wanted to take us for a "special occasion." There's been emphasis that he wants to treat me like a princess because I deserve it. Then we're going to go see Captain America in the movie theater. I guess I can't complain to be treated to dinner and a movie.

This Saturday, I'm meeting up with my friend Ken for ice cream at Morelli's. Some "fancy" ice cream place that serves flavors such as "coconut jalapeno." This could be interesting. Although, I think Ken is a bit smitten with me since he went through the trouble of creating this following doodle of me, claiming it's proof that I love ice cream.

Let's see...other upcoming distractions for me are two 5k's next month, one week after another. I've also decided to do dragon boat racing with my sister's student organization for 3 weeks. This will be a good chance for me to get a tan and a workout. In September, I'm doing a 27k team relay for my office which will require me to run 5.4k (a bit over 3 miles). So I'm keeping busy, even with setting up lunch dates with friends around my office - truly exciting to be near friends while we're all at work. :)

So He Thinks He Can Dance

2011-07-27T10:17:00.001-04:00

I forgot to mention that in the past few weeks, TD has been picture-messaging me on my phone. The one picture that got me talking to him again was a picture of his little dog Lexi sporting sunglasses with a text messsage of "Check. Me. Out. Hiya! lol" I'm such a sucker for cute things.

Our text messaging conversation continued most of last week since he flew to Boston. TD's helping his relatives move from Boston to somewhere in Texas. He said he might stop in Atlanta, so I said I'd give him a quick tour if he makes it down here.

TD was somewhere in Augusta, GA when he sent me a picture message at 4:30pm yesterday. I totally had no idea when he would make it, but I guess it makes sense that if someone wants to meet you, they'll give you time in advance. So I texted back, "So are you going to be in ATL tonight?"

TD: "Probably just going to drive through."
Me: "Alright. Have a safe trip."

Clearly. CLEARLY he wasn't planning on seeing me. He then sent me a message of, "Thanks. Holy f it's 93 f here."

I ignored him. I also deleted him from my phone.

So I've learned my lesson now. I will never bend backwards for a guy. If he wants me, he's going to have to make the effort. Sorry, potential guys and Mr. Future Husband (wherever you may be). You're going to have to put up with my insecurities because some other guy has taken advantage of my patience and goodwill.

Speaking of patience, I'm anxious for this skin patch test to move forward. I've now had my back taped for over 48 hours. Just 5 more hours until I'm at the doctors to hear the tape ripped off. Psss..I haven't washed my hair since Sunday afternoon. It's now greasy to the point that my bangs will stay pushed back without any assistance. Of course, I'm hiding this with the use of a headband.

Here are my plans for the rest of the afternoon, after my doctor's visit:

I'm going home to run like hell on a treadmill because SWEET FREEDOM, I CAN RUN and try to work off the weight I've gained from inactivity since the weekend. Then I'm going to shower and give my hair a thorough cleansing. (do you think your own natural hair grease has the same effect as one of those V05 oil treatments? lol). I'll settle down for the night with a book because I've thoroughly enjoyed not using my laptop at home after 5pm for the past few days. I'm also planning on going to bed, with my book, at 10 or 11.

It's not the most exciting night of nights, but the prospect of a shower is wonderful after 2 nights of washcloth self-ablution.

Release Me

2011-07-26T11:06:00.002-04:00

Yes, the title of this post is a Wilson Phillips song. Although, you can try to imagine that scene with the crazy, long-haired professor in "Independence Day" where the alien takes a hold of the professor's neck and vocal chords to communicate, "Release....me..." Um, yea.

So I haven't been completely honest with the 32 thing, and some of you may have caught that in a previous entry. Even though 32 and I broke up, we were still seeing each other. It's strange how things happened because we agreed to be friends, but then it all got couple-y again. I haven't revealed this at all because I have felt guilty. I thought everything had ended, but it didn't.

32 doesn't know about the guys I dated in Cali, and while I do feel like an utter slut seeing these guys (er, some sleeping), in my mind, I knew that things were at an end with 32. I know it's mean to say, but I knew I had to purge 32 from my future soon. We weren't going anywhere: he still has no career, his parents are still terrible, and I still don't want the possibility of being the "breadwinner" in the relationship.

I've accepted that it's okay for me to be a little selfish and to want certain qualities in a guy even if it includes his career (*ahem* how much money he makes). I don't think any man will ever understand this and I'll be called a gold digger for it, but the truth is, I need to know if a man has some financial stability if I'm going to be with him. Yes, it may mean that he should take me out to dinner and pick me up from my house. Gifts are great, but not necessary (unless it's my birthday or something) because I'm WORTH it. I think I'm great company and I have so much to give and love. Ok, enough of this. I could've sworn I said this all in another post before.

Anyway, 32 and I are ending in a week because he said he'd give me until August. I'm not quite sure what that means. I'm definitely cheering him on in his efforts to get a career (becoming an Atlanta cop), but we clearly need to draw the line at friendship somehow without slipping back to our old ways.

I'd like to get back into dating now that work has kinda settled down. Maybe I was spoiled out in California by going on a string of good dates. Just kinda feels like I can't find any guys here in Atlanta worth dating.

I went to the dermatologist and I'm currently doing a skin patch test. I've got patches and ink on my back so we can find out exactly what I'm allergic to. I suspect it's some kind of fragrance in a shampoo or detergent used on bed linens. We'll just wait and see when I go back on Wednesday and Thursday.

So that's it for now. Work has died down because I'm in between projects. I felt really inspired to start a blogging project with a friend, but you know, I think I get these ideas and never act on them. A few weeks ago, I was finding ways to escape the 9 to 5 monotony. These hare-brained ideas ranged from blogger --> getting published, becoming a "car hoe" as one of my car friends calls them, to marrying a rich man via Millionaire's Club. I don't think any of these ideas would make me feel accomplished though. So I'm not acting on these ideas (for now). Maybe some other day I'll be desperate.

For the most part, things are well for me. Nothing super exciting going on. Just waiting for the next big thing.

Running's A Cure

2011-07-19T00:05:00.001-04:00

I'm surprised that a good run at the gym was what I needed. If it weren't for the fact that I was trying to hold in some gas (from tonight's curry cauliflower), I probably could've kept running. On a more serious note, listening to Britney Spears' "Stronger" helps me focus and run the best I can. Seriously. I'm considering running again tomorrow morning just so I can keep my metabolism up. I know I've been going about it wrong the past year by running at night, but maybe I can attempt a morning run and still be able to get ready for work in the mornings.

I'm feeling good. I was also singing to Wilson Phillips at the top of my lungs when I drove home from the gym. That's quite possibly one of my favorite moments of the day.

So, that's it for now. Let's see if I can keep up the good spirits.

Plans To Primp

2011-07-18T10:15:00.001-04:00

Last night's efforts to distract myself kinda worked. I continued unpacking items from Saturday, tried finishing the "extra stories" from The Princess Bride, flipped through the latest issue of Marie Claire, and eventually went online. There was nothing to read or do online. I did look into guitars a little more, but that was it.

This morning, I looked into my mirror and was a little surprised at my unkempt eyebrows. So I've got the rest of my day sort of planned out:

Go home from work around 4pm
Log back in from home to do a few tasks that require audio
Eat dinner
Fuel up the car and go to the gym (finally!)
Come home to shower (legs are getting hairy)
Tweeze my eyebrows
Give myself a foot massage
Paint my toenails

I think I need to pick myself up and start looking pretty again. Not that anyone ever notices.

My Soul Slides Away

2011-07-17T15:29:00.001-04:00

I'm listening to Oasis' "Don't Look Back in Anger" right now. I'm trying to flush out the memories of the past few weeks the best that I can. Chindian IM'd me a few minutes ago. I hate to be all emo about this, but I said a few words and then made the excuse that I had to go do something.

I feel desperate to find something that will take my mind off things. I started looking at guitars, thinking about running, and then perhaps the only immediate thing I could do is clean out my room and closet. Maybe I'll go take a nap. Seriously, you'd think I just broke up with someone.

I don't think I'm fit for these types of quick, intimate relationships. I feel like a part of me is gone each time I'm with someone if it goes for more than one date or one night in bed together. So, I'm currently in the process of building myself up again. I'm not regretting what I did - I shouldn't.

I know the right guy is out there somewhere. I know he's looking for me too.

Why I'm Starting to Dislike Plane Rides

2011-07-16T21:36:00.003-04:00

I should land in the Atlanta airport in about an hour. I know my entire family will be picking me up again. This is kind of comforting after not seeing them for a week and a half. Besides how bored I am on the plane right now (apparently bored enough to pay $8 for wifi access for mobile devices), I thought I would waste some time on here because when I have too much time on my hands, my mind gets a little weird. I start thinking too much.

For example, I can't get my damn mind off the Chindian. I know I need to stop it. I read back on the old entries. Didn't I say nothing could or would happen from dating him? I do wonder what his thoughts are after this morning.

I'm staring out the plane window now. My mind wanders between getting a new career (because I don't know if I can handle the new job), getting my own place with a dog(?), what's the Chindian doing right now, buying and picking up guitar again, how I am going to deal with 32, or how I can meet other "tall Asian guys" without the use of OKCupid.

On that last thought, my odds were better in the Bay. There's got to be a way to meet guys without the use of an online dating site though.

I wish I could think of a better closing for this entry. I might be able to brush up on my writing soon. I briefly talked to a guy friend about a challenge/project involving blogging and dating. Not sure how
this will go but it's a welcomed distraction.

About 30 min til I land. I can't believe it's actually possible to listen to Jay Chou consistently for hours without repeating a song. Guess the guy has that many hits now, huh?

Ok enough mind vomit for now.

The Morning After Friday Night

2011-07-16T13:00:00.000-04:00

Friday was a tough day at work. Work was not going well and it seemed eminent that I would be working at night. However, with the help of a manager at work, things got done around 6:30pm. I thought I was going to go crazy staying in the same hotel room all day. I didn't even go out for lunch. Only food I had was a cookie. Damn..I just remembered I had a box of cereal in my car.

Enough about my frustration with work, right? You want to know what happened with the Chindian or my dating life.

Chindian called like he said he would. We went to dinner at downtown Palo Alto again, this time at a tapas place, Joya. After a rough day at work, I think I deserved a drink so I ordered a white peach sangria. It was perfect. I'm getting boozed up on an empty stomach while waiting for tapas. Chindian got a drink too and we had a merry time eating delicious food, drinking, joking and people watching.

After dinner, we meant to get some gelato but I felt a bit sick and woozy from the sangria. I had a delightful buzz. I should drink more often.

He drives me back to the hotel and it's just like the other nights: removal of clothes, brushing our teeth, and getting in bed. Talk, laugh, kiss, hug, cuddle, touch, moan... except neither of us came. I don't know if it's because we were tired (it was our 3rd night in a row together) or the alcohol, or that it was my last night.

We had talked briefly before this date. I asked if he was sleeping over. He said it depended on where we stand. He said he didn't want to commit now and was afraid he was leading me on by sleeping over. I said I wasn't thinking of commitment either because I know long-distance relationships are not for me. At the same time, we're both not the type to simply sleep around. Also, since we've been so open about conversations, it would be weird if we no longer talked. So we're going to just do what we've been doing: enjoying each other's company and our friendship. Kind of like a "friends with benefits" thing, I suppose.

So it's now Saturday morning. Chindian's behind me right now, asleep. I'm leaving in less than an hour. It's going to be strange to say goodbye because I think there could be potential with him - like, I could see myself dating his skinny-ass regularly. Haha.

Now's just not the time.

Oh, he's awake. Later.

Running Out of Time

2011-07-15T22:07:00.001-04:00

I'm sure, by now, it's obvious that I've been spending a lot of time with the Chindian. This was not my intention, but I've really enjoyed his company. Do I like him? Sort of. What's next? I don't know. It's clear that we're running out of time together since I leave on Saturday.

We both focused on our work Thursday. After work, I checked into my hotel in Palo Alto. I took a shower and primped myself while watching "Sex and The City" episodes online. I knew the Chindian would be late because he occasionally works in a lab...in a bunny suit...like one of those blue-suited Intel men. I'm sorry, is it warm in here or is it just me? Mmm...nerds.

The Chindian picked me up from my hotel around 8:15. He suggested we walk around downtown Palo Alto to find a place for dinner. We walked a block before deciding on Italian food at La Strada and luckily, for my stomach's sake, were seated right away. Time seemed to slow down. For a bit, I thought the food was taking a while to get to us. Eventually, I got my chicken dish and he got his fish baked in parchment paper. We sampled and shared each other's orders, which is great, because there's nothing worse than a date who doesn't like to share. We were hoping to get the chocolate souffle for dessert, but since it would take 10 more minutes and the restaurant was already starting to close, we didn't want to stay.

Upon stepping outside the restaurant, I noticed how dark the sky had gotten and the air was colder. There are Christmas lights, wrapped around the tree trunks, lining up and down University Avenue which made the streets seem brighter and warmer. Our brief walk back to the car was almost a bit romantic since we were walking by these trees. I know, it sounds cheesy. The evening was close to perfect.

Here's the part where we get funny. I had said I wanted a sex toy, so the Chindian said, "Let's go." He was willing to humor me. Along the way to an adult store, we were cracking jokes with each other.

Me: What if they're closed?
Chindian: They have to be open. Do you want to call?
Me: No.
Chindian: Here. (hands me his iPhone)

I look up the store name, call and an Indian-accented man picks up. I ask for what time they close tonight and I'm given a response of midnight.

Me: Midnight.
Chindian: See?
Me: The guy had an Indian accent.
Chindian: Oh jeez.

We drive up to this supposed adult "super store." I don't know about you, but I think of Walmart or Target as a superstore. Imagine my chagrin of not finding a Walmart-sized adult store, but a shack about the size of my hotel room. Anyway, we go in and browse a bit. We do some comparison between the rabbits and vibrators. I finally decide on a metallic blue 6" vibrator. Obviously, the selection isn't like an online store, so I figured the vibrator should do it. I don't think I could safely stow a rabbit safely in my room, when I'm by my mom that my nightstand drawer opens on its own.

At checkout, the cashier tests the vibrator with some spare batteries. I end up buying some batteries too since batteries aren't included. (har har har). Meanwhile, in front of the cashier, Chindian's telling me I'm going to need a dozen AA batteries. "Shut up" I hiss and I swat him before we leave the store.

Outside the store...
Chindian: I'm proud of you. You were brave in there.
Me: Haha Really?
Chindian: Yea, I'm impressed. You had balls.

We went back to my hotel. Chindian had the same bookbag with his things, so he was planning on sleeping over. I don't think we can keep this on for long since we're each surviving on 4-5 hours of sleep each night. Then again, I won't be here much longer.

We're in bed and he's making effort to make me feel comfortable. Lots of oral sex and stroking. He even compliments me down there: "Pretty. It looks pretty." The first thought that came to mind was, "Hmm...he might like Georgia O'Keefe paintings since the flowers tend to resemble vaginas." Anyway... he was interested in the vibrator as much as I was. Let's just conclude this part by saying that we had fun last night. We passed out and probably got the most sleep out of the 3 times we've slept together.

We might be hanging out again tonight on my last night. If we don't, I'm okay with it. I almost wished I lived here but part of me thinks that a lot of my "good feelings" with dating are associated with my need for social interaction. It's different to be living here by myself compared to living in Atlanta by myself.

I'll be home tomorrow night. Things will be back to "normal."

Company on a Wednesday Night

2011-07-15T15:24:00.001-04:00

FYI, some of the dates on my blog posts are messed up because I'm in the Pacific time zone, but Blogger still has set me up on Eastern. I slept with the Chindian on a Monday night, was documenting on late Tuesday night so it looks like I posted in the wee hours of Wednesday morning.

I had gotten back from the company meeting and bowling social event at about 8:30 on Wednesday night. Chindian and I were talking on the phone, kind of going over our feelings and intentions with dating or sleeping with each other. We came to terms that we'll just have fun and be safe. This is good. It's rare for a guy to be willing to discuss this, so I'm glad we had our discussion.

Back online, we were planning our Thursday date (which is tonight). Miscommunication is the key to what happens next.

Chindian: So our back up plan for tomorrow, if we don't come up with something, is bowling.
Me: Ok. fyi, I wouldn't mind just making out (just sayin)
Chindian: Haha, the thought did come to mind
Chindian: (to google maps) 30 min
Me: to where?
Chindian: you
Me: right now?
Chindian: haha, or Heroes. right now, Heroes is winning
Me: yea, it should be. it's not worth the drive. I mean, I'm worth it, but I'm being considerate.
Chindian: Ok...it's embarrassing, but yes, I was thinking tonight. figured I'd just be honest about that :)
Me: I don't mind, but it's going to be quite a drive for you.
Chindian: I don't mind the drive. Just sounds funny.
Chindian: Too clingy? Needy? Horny?
Me: lol nah
Me: If you want to sleep over and you get sick of me, there's another bed.
Chindian: alright, well you got to sleep, I got to sleep, might as well sleep together :)

About half an hour later, I greet him downstairs. We had to sneak by the hotel bar because three of my coworkers were down there having drinks. By this time it was almost 11pm. Chindian had brought a bookbag with clothes and stuff. This was kind of cute and endearing.

I got a bit of work done while he watched and laughed along to Seinfeld. Once I'm done, we're watching "How I Met Your Mother" and he's laughing at the teacup pig episode. We talk about the show and somehow get interested in a program on the History Channel about how our speech and accents are derived from childhood friends. Random, I know, but Chindian and I can keep conversations going.

It's getting late and since the Chindian admittedly sleeps without clothes, I started unbuttoning his shirt slowly. I caress his hairless chest and kiss the area between his shoulders and neck. We get into bed, turn off the lights, and we start our second adventure of exploring each other's bodies.

While I remember the post-coital cuddling and touching, I don't remember falling asleep. We woke to our cell phone alarms. I might've shown my neurotic side when I was scrambling to find his phone, when I didn't even recognize the sound of my own alarm clock. I'm an idiot.

We both got ready and I had to check out of my hotel since I was switching to another one closer to the airport later in the day. We still planned on continuing our Thursday date and said we would message each other on gchat.

To be continued in the next post...

Call Me Sally Strumpet

2011-07-13T02:35:00.001-04:00

To continue from where I last left off, I went to the movies to see Bridesmaids. It was exactly what I needed. By the time the movie was finished, most restaurants or fast food places were closed, so I went home hungry. I didn't eat dinner because I was holding off for TD.

I do want to mention that TD texted me in the middle of the movie and I tried to be nonchalant. The boy's excuse was that he passed out the whole entire day. Not a single "sorry" or apology for standing me up. Just complete bad-boy behavior. I'm kinda through with this guy. I'm just ashamed that I even wasted my time and effort to drive over for a booty call. At least I got a chance to feel his butt. Eh...that's the optimist in me talking.

I wasn't feeling all that great on Monday because I was bothered by what went down with TD. Yes, I was being immature with the gchat statuses of "to hell with guys" and such. This piqued the Chindian's curiosity because he sent me a message, asking what happened and he had a good laugh at my expense.

The funny thing is, last night Chindian and I ended up going out on a second date to get dinner. I drove to his house after work, and we went to get ramen for dinner and gelato for dessert. By the way, I think I forgot to mention that he always opens doors for me - even car doors. We're constantly talking. I think, for once, I was a slow eater because I kept talking so much. Even after dessert, I was at at his house and we still kept talking.

I spent the night over which was totally not planned. We may have fooled around a bit, but we talked a lot. Chindian really made me feel welcomed and cared for. It makes me laugh that he had a make-shift solution for my contact lenses. He also wears contact lenses, but since he didn't have an extra case, he just flipped his case's caps over, filled the caps with solution so i could keep mine in them. It was a sweet gesture.

I left Chindian's house at 6:15 and got back to my hotel around 6:50 or so. I made my second "walk of shame" through the hotel lobby to my room. I was kinda tired, so I took a nap for about an hour before getting up to get ready for work.

I was still tired for the rest of the day, but I guess I managed to get through it. Right now, I'm regretting the sleepovers choices I made this weekend. I feel like this behavior has to stop if I want to maintain some self-respect.

Sunday Night

2011-07-10T23:41:00.001-04:00

It's now 8:30pm on a Sunday night. TD never responded back to my text. I called him about an hour ago and he didn't pick up either.

All I have to say right now is "Thank God for Susan" because she's gotten me to stop thinking about this. I'm going out to go see Bridesmaids by myself and maybe get something to eat (if there's any place that's still open on a Sunday night). Worst comes to worst, I stop by a Safeway to find something prepared. Why can't Trader Joe's be open all the time?

You want to know something else that's funny? After Susan said I should make plans with a backup or friend, Daffy called me. Of all guys, why him?!

Ok, I'm getting ready to leave. I need to get out of this room.

Chindian Golf Date

2011-07-10T23:36:00.001-04:00

I think I'm finally catching up on posts. It's almost 5pm on Sunday. TD still hasn't called or texted. Ugh...so I'm passing time by watching "The People I've Slept With" on Netflix (which is actually pretty good) and blogging between the 10-15 minutes it takes to load the movie segments because the internet speed is not good here.

I think I may start feeling lonely or depressed soon since I've spent my entire day in the hotel. The sleeping and resting has been good, but there's something about lack of social interaction that's getting to me. Maybe I need to read a book or something?

Anyway, here goes with the Chindian.

Chindian and I have been talking for a few weeks via gchat. He's actually very funny and witty. So much so, that if Chindian weren't a good nickname for him, I would've called him Seinfeld because he can be kinda neurotic like Jerry Seinfeld. Chindian's 31, he's smart, athletic, and he's admitted to being shorter than his profile (surprise, surprise...) at an actual height of 5'7." He wrote down 5'8" because "everybody added an inch."

I probably made the mistake of telling him about my last trip's experience with OKC, because he kept firing all those jokes at me. I kinda have my doubts that things will go anywhere, so I figured we might as well go the friend route and exchange dating stories and such. I think we had a good time. Both of us kept running our mouths the whole time, so there was never a dull moment.

We challenged each other to miniature golf and declared that loser would have to buy dinner. Needless to say, we've been talking smack all week. I felt pretty good about my game.

I was supposed to meet him at 4pm but I was running late. Because of the previous night's foray with TD, I was starting to get sleepy at 3pm. I thought I'd stop by a McDonald's to get a small iced coffee, but the cashier mis-heard me and gave me a small unsweet tea instead. Oh well. I was running 10 min behind, so I texted Chindian that I was late and what I'll be wearing. Sure enough, Chindian texted back asking if I was forfeiting or that there should be a penalty stroke for each 5 minutes I'm late. What a smartass.

Chindian picked the more difficult course which was fine by me. We had some good conversation while we putted. We even had some funny commentary about the other people playing miniature golf. We even talked about dating experiences. However, at the end when we were calculating our scorecard, Chindian beat me by one stroke. So, it looked like I would be paying for dinner. Which was fine by me because he paid for our miniature golf game. We finished around 5pm and couldn't figure out what else to do since we were both not hungry yet.

We decided to go to Santana Row and Westfield Mall (kinda like I did with Sport on our first date). Chindian laughed at me because I was more familiar with the mall than he was. He felt like I was acting when we were in the Lego store because I had to "act" like I never saw anything before. Then when we were at Brookstone, he had me laughing with tears coming out of my eyes, when he tried to use some toy gun on a woman's ass and missed. I walked away and pretended not to know him while trying to stifle my giggling.

We had dinner at a sushi restaurant. When we were ordering, Chindian said he wouldn't let me pay for the whole meal. I was able to talk him into letting me pay for half at the end though. We were still able to have so much good conversation about all sorts of things. I think dinner ended around 9:30. We were both stuffed and well, I think the evening pretty much came to an end. He dropped me back off at my car near the miniature golf place, and I headed back to my hotel. I was so tired I could barely stay awake while driving.

I'm starting to wonder if a date is a good date based on what you make of it. I mean, you can have a good date with someone even if you're not fully compatible with them, right?

When I think about this date with the Chindian, I just think we had a good time. I don't think anything else will come out of this except that we just become friends and that's alright with me.

Friday Night, Part II

2011-07-10T12:38:00.004-04:00

After my date with Daffy, I was back in my hotel room. Feeling sweaty and smelling of deconstructed samosa from the Curry Up food truck, I was walking around in my room in my underwear. I got distracted by the G+ hangout feature with Alienman and Dao.

I can't exactly remember how we got to talking about The Dancer and his bathroom shower. As I mentioned before about Wednesday's date, TD was running late. During his flustered hurry to pick me up, he also broke his bathroom shower wall and sent me a picture of it via text. Supposedly, he dented the wall with his butt just by leaning against it. I remember laughing out loud when I received his text.

Being the pervs we are, Alienman and Dao started joking about TD having buns of steel. Just out of fun (and because TD and I had been texting each other throughout the day anyway), I texted TD with: "I wanna find out if you have buns of steel lol."

No response. D'oh. Did I scare this guy? After 20 minutes, I sent another one "Lol Did I scare you?"

TD: Sorry, my phone died while driving home from the gym.
Me: Ah ok.
TD: [regarding his butt] I'm dead serious like you might have to get a cast for your hand after [from touching his butt]
TD: Are you sleepy?
Me: No. I'm in a daze watching Jason Statham in Crank on tv.
Me: Lol why? U gonna let me squeeze your butt?
TD: Will that appease the curiosity?
Me: I'm kinda jealous. I have no ass. My jeans sag on me.
TD: I have to get jeans two sizes bigger to fit my ass. I need apple bottom jeans for guys.
Me: Yes I want to squeeze lol
TD: lol I was drinkin a bit before the gym too lol you would have had your best chance then :P
Me: Too bad. If you letme touch, maybe I'll let you touch mine lol
TD: Lol you wanna drive 20 min?
Me: Haha nah i'm lazy right now. I wanna be warm
TD: Lol i'm debating driving then :P
TD: I have to shower after the gym and all
Me: I have two beds in my room lol, but I gotta leave around 10:30
TD: I gotta be at up 8:30, guess it's not going to work. :(
TD: Lol you can sleep on my bed
Me: I'm tempted
TD: Its pretty big
TD: The bed and my ass

Out of laziness and because it'd be easier, I called TD. I can't remember how the rest of the conversation went but I decided to leave the hotel to go over to his house. It was already about 1:45am, so I was dressed in workout shorts, sports bra with a tanktop, jacket and flip flops.

I've never done this before and I don't think it means I'm being slutty just because I was responding or initiating a booty call. All I wanted was some kind of company or human contact. I wasn't looking for sex, but at least a moment of getting frisky - some making out and touching. Obviously, people are going to judge me and say I am being a slut. I'm not continuing a path of promiscuity. It's a Friday night and I'm still young, but I'm wise enough to be careful.

I drive in the dark, mostly on the freeway. I'm getting butterflies once I'm in a neighborhood of single-story homes with many cars parked on driveways and on curb sides. My GPS takes me to TD's house that he shares with two roommates. I had trouble seeing which one was his house, but I also had to find a parking spot near the curb. I finally found a spot, stepped out of my car, locked it, and started looking for street numbers.

I hear a screen door open and a "Pssss..." It was TD. "Where you going?" he teases me. I walk towards his door and he lets me in.

We're in his living room and since there are 3 guys, the living room is obviously set up with a big screen tv, video game consoles and all sorts of entertainment. By the side of the wall is TD's adorable dog Lexi. I think she's a Maltese with recently shaved hair. He had texted me photos of her before and she was so sweet and well-behaved. Haha...I might be in love with his dog.

TD gives me a quick tour of the house. One of his roommates is awake so he introduces me to him. I even saw TD's infamous dented shower wall. So now we're watching tv, talking in low voices as to not wake up the 3rd roommate. TD's also showing me Lexi's tricks and sharing stories about her when she was a puppy.

"Should we go to sleep?" he asks me. "Ok." Because I want to know when I'm going to be able to touch his ass, hahaha.

I follow him to his room which has a low, queen-sized bed. I ask him if there's any particular side he sleeps on. He doesn't, so I pick the right side. We lay there and just talk in the dark. I kind of like listening to him talk. TD's got a soothing voice and he uses "hella" a lot. It's as if the time he spent in Hawaii has had an impact on creating his cool, calm demeanor.

Our conversation kind of stops. Then I ask, "Can I touch your butt?" TD lays on his stomach and I have trouble finding him in the dark. Somehow I managed to touch his knee, but then I find his butt. Ohmygosh...he's got some firm buttocks. It's insane. Maybe it's because I've never dated a fit, athletic man before and I've never touched tight muscles before. It was amazing. Even right now as I type this, I'm anxious to cop another feel of TD's ass.

I let him feel my weak, flat ass. Pathetic as my butt is, I'm kind of hoping he'll make his move on me. He doesn't do anything and I start wondering if he just wants to take things slow. Since we were on the topic of butts, we start talking about bodies. I figure this was a way for us to continue conversation. So we're talking and taking turns with touching each other's bodies, comparing our stomachs, calves, thighs, and arms. The conversation ends again.

I try flirting with him about how he lied about the time it takes to get from my hotel to his house. He said it would take 20 minutes, but for 26 miles, it took me almost half an hour. TD jokes it's not his fault I'm a slow driver. I figure it's time for me to make a move. I say to him, "I didn't drive here for nothing." I move closer to get on top of him, straddling him and lowering my face to his to kiss his lips. TD's lips felt strong and forceful. Nothing gentle. I felt his hands holding on to my hips. His next move was something I will never forget.

He took my lower arms in each of his hands, lifted my arms and hands above us, and using his upper body strength, he slowly turned to his side to gently lay me down on my back so he could be on top. He kissed my lips, my neck and made his way down my body.

Sorry, I'm in a daze as I write this. I don't think I can share much more because I'd much rather keep the details to myself. Some thing are noteworthy though. He paid attention to my body and it's funny because when I told him he could stop, he said "I have O positive blood. I'm a giver." To which I replied, "So am I."

I felt so taken care of by TD: the post-sex cuddling, how he made sure I was warm or under the covers, and even the offer for coffee in the morning, haha. I left his house around 7:45am to go back to my hotel and get ready for the day and lunch with family. TD was set to go hiking with his friends at 8:30. At the door when he walked me out, he asked, "See you Sunday?"

"Sure," I said.

It's now Sunday noon. I wonder if he's going to call?

Daffy Duck

2011-07-10T03:09:00.001-04:00

Friday night was my date with Daffy Duck. Based on my messages and chat interaction with Daffy, he's definitely smart and very to-the-point with everything. I was a little wary of this guy because, when planning our food truck outing at Off The Grid at Fort Mason, He was very precise about where we would meet and even told me to bring a jacket.

After Friday's work hours, I rode BART to the city so Daffy could pick me up. Timing was perfect because when I gave him a call, he was right behind me with his car.

Our previous messages have talked about OKC and our experiences. He proclaims himself as being 5'6" but I still towered a bit over him in my running shoes. At least he's an honest guy, right? But, remember what I said about each OKC member? There's always some kind of flaw for each person. Daffy's defect was that he kind of lisps when he talks. Nevertheless, we still had a good time.

We got a chance to talk while in line for food. As soon as we got our first food truck item, we'd head over to the next food truck line and eat our previously bought item. This made time pass a little faster. What's great also is that he humored me in allowing me to take pictures of all the food. We had a good time getting to know each other and eating some good food although we felt stuffed afterwards.

We had some interesting conversation in the car when he took me back to my hotel. Much of it was talking about work and what we do for living. We talked a bit about our upbringing and why we made such career choices. I have a lot of respect for Daffy because he's really smart and seems to be balancing work and life well.

However, I don't see much going further with Daffy because his height really did get to me. Being friends is all good and fine because we can carry on a good conversation, but realistically, I don't think I could ever feel secure with a guy shorter and lighter than me. I have no doubt he's a good guy. He was also a little too serious for me. I appreciate a guy with a sense of humor because I'm probably too serious or gullible most of the time.

After Friday's date, I think I can finally confirm that height is a dealbreaker for me. I think I've got the right approach for these dates: just go out and have fun. It's also allowing me to the see the city. I might be a little sad not knowing when I'll be back again to explore the city and to see the friends/dates I've made.

Turnin' Up the Heat

2011-07-10T02:43:00.001-04:00

Sport had to cancel our Winchester Mystery House adventure for this upcoming Saturday because he forgot about attending a wedding. So we ended up hanging out last night. He drove up to my hotel and we checked out downtown P-town. I kind of coaxed him over with the hotel and hot tub, so he brought swim trunks just in case.

Something has to be said about how Sport dresses. He's well-dressed for a guy even though he had his polo collars popped. He was classy-looking with his fitted gray pants, olive-colored polo shirt, and some tortoise shell sunglasses. I didn't realize how skinny he was until now because when we met up last time, it was jacket weather. Honestly, I felt a little self-conscious about appearing hefty next to this guy. I tried to let it go because it's all about feeling confident, right?

We drove to downtown Pleasanton. It's a cute place with the small shops. Sport wanted to get a drink, so we approached this dive bar. It was smelly and had no air-conditioning, but I didn't mind. At least we could get to talking and such. We ordered beers, caught up on stuff we've been doing since the last time we saw each other, finished the beers, and we left.

He mentioned that he had been in the area before for ice cream, so I suggested we get some. We were flushing pretty badly from alcohol - possibly me more than him. We're at this placed called Meadowlark Dairy where it's a drive-thru convenience store and ice cream stop. Quite possibly the strangest place I've ever seen because you walk up to this podium, order and pay for your ice cream, but the cashier has to walk inside the building to get your ice cream and change. The ice cream tasted good at the time, but in retrospect, it was maybe a little creamier than average soft-serve. Apparently, you can also buy cereal, bacon, cottage cheese, or flavored butters from this place.

We ate our ice cream while walking to the car. We drove back to my hotel to go swimming. I have to admit, I'm getting knots in my stomach because I'm not sure what to expect out of Sport. We've joked about making out before (remember how lonely and horny I was last time I was out here by myself? lol), so clearly there's a good chance of that happening.

**This stuff's about to get a little PG-13**

I took Sport up to my hotel room, and we each take turns changing into swim stuff in the bathroom. I try to be nonchalant because once again, it's all about confidence, right? By the way, it's weird that my two-piece black bikini got stretched out. Could I have lost weight that quickly?

We walk down to the pool. It's about 9 already and it's dark outside. We're alone and have the pool and hot tub to ourselves. I rarely swim in a pool, so at first, it was tempting to swim in the large pool. Sport wouldn't get in, so we both got into the hot tub.

We're talking about how nice the setup is at the hotel for this outdoor lounge. We start looking up at the sky and try naming the stars. I'm completely clueless with stars, so Sport's showing me the big dipper in the sky. "Come over here, you can see it better this way," he says.

I come a little closer, and he's gently placed his right hand on my right side. He starts nibbling on my right ear and kissing my neck. I turn my face towards him and I feel his pouty lips on mine, gently pressing with small lip locks.

We keep making out in the hot tub and he starts reaching towards my swim top. I have my hands on his shoulders, sliding them down his back. Once my right hand is near the waistband of his swim trunks, I move my hand towards his abs. I really wanted to see how they felt. Truthfully, there was nothing muscular about his lower abs, but I did feel something else that was hard. ;)

We take a breather and he's sitting on the hot tub seat and he pulls me towards him, directing me to straddle him, so we're face to face. He stares at my chest and places his hands on my breasts. "You've got beautiful breasts."

We make out a little more, but by this time, I honestly feel nothing. There's no spark and his lips felt weak, if that makes any sense. Everything just felt forced. It's a little awkward for me because I've never made out in a hot tub before, let alone in water. I think we're both feeling the awkwardness because Sport gets up to check how much longer the hot tub's jet streams will stay on. It's just for a little longer, so we relax in the tub until the bubbles fade. We walk up back to my room to change, I walk him to his car and we say goodbye with hugs.

So that's it. I'm not quite sure if I'll see Sport again. He asked when I was leaving this time and when I'll be back. Even though we had a great time, I'm not sure if there's anything else to just hanging out.

Dating "The Dancer"

2011-07-07T15:14:00.001-04:00

Not having a car sucks because I'm at the mercy of others. Although, I can't complain about this particular date. After I got off work, I went back to the hotel to change clothes. Then I did a good half mile walk to the nearest BART station because The Dancer was going to pick me up. It was the best way for us to meet without going through traffic and having him pick me up from my hotel.

TD was a little late because he fell asleep, but I honestly didn't mind. I did some people and seagull watching from the station. A little background on TD: We've been emailing and gchatting for almost a month now. It's kind of hard to pinpoint what this guy is doing with his life because he's really into dancing (like he can do anything: hiphop, breaking, tango, etc), he's taking some classes at a junior college, and he's a part-time sushi chef at a Japanese restaurant even though he's Cambodian. He's into the car scene too, and honestly, this guy is just like another 32. The only difference is that TD is smarter, funnier, and he totally gets pop culture.

So I got picked up, and we had to go drop off a camera to his brother at some karaoke place. TD then took me on a driving tour of Fremont, Milpitas, and San Jose. In downtown San Jose, we got burritos at Iguana and we walked around San Jose State University. I'm not quite sure why we walked around the college except that he told me he used to study Archaeology and Anthropology there.

After the college tour, he drove us into the San Jose hills. It was truly an awesome sight to see all the city lights from hills. Coincidentally, this is also a place where lots of cars come to park, kind of like a typical "kissing/make-out point" in a movie. TD was a gentleman though. He helped me up and down the hill. No funny business. haha

Then we went to Dave & Buster's. Man oh man, this guy was competitive. To be fair, I have no idea what happened with me. Somehow, I was either lucky or super-athletic as far as arcade games go. I beat him at air hockey. I managed to tie him in basketball (and we're not talking about the dinky little basketball game) at 8 balls in. Of course, we had to have a rematch and on the second try, he beat me. I beat him at Skeeball (tied the first game, and I won the second) and I got all questions answered in the trivia game. I like a competitive guy probably because I'm competitive myself. It's always a little fun to talk smack. I think we're supposed to have a puzzle bobble match. haha

Overall, I think we had a good time. It was a good, relaxing date. I don't think anything serious could come out of this. It was just fun to get to know someone and just have a good time. I was almost a little sad for the date to be over.

There are still some other dating adventures, though. :)

Fine Whine

2011-07-06T18:34:00.001-04:00

Ok, I'm going to whine a bit in this post.

My hotel room isn't as great as last time, even though I'm in the same hotel. While I had a view of a pool before, I now have a view of the parking lot and some side wall. Instead of a king-size bed, I've got 2 full-size beds. Instead of being on the 4th floor, I'm on the 2nd. Also, I had to request a refrigerator and as of this morning before I left my room, I still hadn't received it yet.

As for the rental car situation, I'm currently carpooling with my manager. I might borrow it to supplement myself with some snacks from the local Target. I feel very limited to stuff I can do. Then again, maybe I'm just looking forward to the weekend.

I'm a little worried about the manager I report to. She puts in long days and well, hasn't really explored the city. I just have this feeling she will expect a lot from me. I guess I feel like I don't have much to offer. Sometimes I feel like a waste of space at work.

Ok, enough of the sad stuff. Here are my plans:

- Tonight: possible date at Dave & Buster's
- Friday night: food truck date
- Saturday: lunch with family, and dinner & miniature golf date

Stuff will be shared later. :)

Why I'm Short On Sleep

2011-07-05T20:01:00.001-04:00

It's been an action-packed long weekend. I think I got about 5 hours of sleep each night. I might have caught up on the plane this morning though, granted it's never comfortable to sleep upright on a plane trip. So, I'm recapping the weekend on why sleep wasn't a high priority.

Friday night, I went to see Transformers 3. I stayed up afterwards, in my room, doing nothing until 2:50am or so.

Saturday morning, 32 wakes me up with a text at like 8am. Apparently, he was testing his phone because he had issues with it. I couldn't go back to sleep afterwards, so I got up. Talked to my parents and we all went to Perimeter Mall to check out the extra 30% (on top of the 50%) at Dillard's.

Saturday became quite a day, because I came back to the house around noon to run errands like getting a reimbursement on my recent prescriptions and buying buffalo wings for a potluck pool party. I left the house around 1pm to meet up with my friend Irv and his roommate to see a local production of Avenue Q - which was alright but I've decided theater plays (even if they are PG-13 Muppet-like puppets) just aren't my thing. After the play, I drove home, changed clothes, then got to the potluck pool party around 6pm. I didn't get home til about 2:30am. Another realization: illegal fireworks are only more fun when you're setting them off.

Sunday morning may have been a little more leisurely, but I left the house around 9am for my hair highlighting. My last stylist was kind of coarse with my trim, but the one on Sunday put in so much more time and effort to give my hair more flow so that the layers were more seamless. I really appreciated that because I hadn't planned on getting my hair trimmed or fixed. It must have been pretty bad if he really wanted to cut it for me.

Sunday night, I tried going to bed at 11pm so I'd have enough rest for the Peachtree Road Race. I probably didn't really fall asleep until 12. Then I had to wake up in time to pick up RB at 5:45am from her house. Originally, I was thinking that this year might be my last one, but then going through it again with RB this time, it really was lots of fun. So let's see if I make it to my 5th consecutive P'tree Race.

This morning was another 5:30am wake up. I needed to catch a ride from my dad, so he could take me to the airport. I got to the airport at 6:55 or so, and who knew I'd be able to be at the gate in like half an hour? It took me 30 minutes to check my baggage (I had already checked-in online and printed my boarding pass), and go through security, and get to the gate. I know this is probably no big deal to smaller airports, but I did this in the Atlanta airport. Maybe I just got lucky and picked the good lines. :P

So I'm back in the Bay now and I'm ready for some fun (after work, of course). Be prepared for some more entries about some dating adventures. haha

Throwing In Another Wrench

2011-07-01T15:54:00.000-04:00

So it turns out my plans have changed again. Now I'm flying in earlier, extending one of my hotel reservations and canceling another. Things may work out okay after all, even if it means I have to drive a little farther to see everyone on the other side of the bay.

I'm a little stressed about everything, but I gotta try to be calm. I know things will be okay.

Another Bay Trip

2011-06-28T10:21:00.000-04:00

I've been meticulously planning my second Bay trip for the past month, and right now, the countdown to the trip is less than 2 weeks. I'm running into a few snags along the way, but I think I've got it figured out. I'm going to do better documentation (hint: photos) for this trip since I did a terrible job last time.

Also, per my sister's suggestion, I'm going to try to host my own "$40 A Day" thing since that's my "per diem" amount. Of course, these plans might just boil over because I'm also planning on checking out ramen places, so I may eat ramen noodles twice in a weekend.

As for things to do, Sport and I are checking out the Winchester Mystery House on Saturday evening, the night I arrive. This should be lots of fun. Only minor snag is that I'm meeting my cousins, aunt and uncle too for lunch that day. They're probably going to ask what I'm doing the entire weekend, so I'll have to surreptitiously say that I'm hanging out with friends. Also, I'm in a bind because my relatives think I'll be staying in Pleasanton the whole weekend, when I'm really going to be in Newark (not NJ).

Then of course, I also poorly planned the hotel thing. Here I was, thinking that I would get a hotel on the west side so I can do more fun stuff (because there's really nothing to do in Pleasanton), but Sunday night, I'll need to pick up a coworker and take her to the Marriott hotel (same hotel I'm staying in for most of the week). This would all have been better if I did a Sunday night hotel reservation at the same Marriott hotel. Instead, it's too late for me to get the same hotel rate, so I'm driving back to Newark on Sunday night after I drop off my coworker. I'll be in a different hotel on the last part of my trip. So I managed to stay at 3 hotels all within the same week? Sheesh.

Whew, ok. Let's get back to the fun stuff, shall we?

Sunday morning is a free day for me. I'm thinking about going to the beach or doing some sightseeing. I'm not really sure. Even a spa thing sounds good. Sunday afternoon will be spent with a new friend/date. Let's dub him K-Fed because that's the shortest dancer name I can think of off the top of my head. He's supposed to take me sightseeing and ramen-hopping before I have to go pick up my coworker. Booo.

All work Mon noon - Thurs noon, except for Tues/Wed happy hour and dinner. Well, technically, Friday is all work too. At least I can still go have fun Thursday and Friday - dates/meetups are still in progress for those days. However, if nothing happens, I'll just go shopping at a local mall, go see a movie, go have a meal (by myself! gasp!), hang out with the cousins, sightsee, or find a spa. I'll enjoy my time out there. I hope it doesn't get sad/depressing like it did when I was in Pleasanton for 2 weeks.

So that's it for now.

Killing Time

2011-06-22T13:45:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I wonder if I might be a terrible procrastinator because I don't know when shit's about to hit the fan. I can go into work, goof off and get nothing done simply because I don't know what I'm doing. I'm now in week 6 and I wish I had a better grasp of everything. I'm reminded that there's a steep learning curve.

So I'm writing this stuff down to get myself to approach work the right way:

- Don't be afraid to make an error. You will only learn from mistakes.
- Go into the system and get your hands dirty: do some coding, do some data loading, do something.
- Ask questions. There are tons of resources.
- Be fearless. Nothing was ever conquered from being scared.

I'm meeting up with my coach on Friday for lunch. I was skeptical about her at first because she started 3 weeks after me, but after a small conversation with her yesterday after happy hour, I think she'll be a good, supportive manager-coach person. Maybe she's got the maternal instinct since she's got two children in college, but I get the sense she knows what she's doing. After all, if she's GT alumni, she's gotta be great, right? :P She might be a good role model for me. hahaha

Ok, once more to the breach. I know I can figure this mess out.

They Say To Smile

2011-06-14T14:46:00.000-04:00

I might not have been careful about taking care of my teeth during my business trip. I know this is terrible of me especially when I have a potential root canal in my future. Anyway, I come home and I'm talking to my family over dinner and my mom's so distracted by my teeth that she interrupts me to ask, "Why are your teeth discolored?"

I can't think of any other reason about my teeth being discolored except for the fact that I didn't bring my Sonicare toothbrush with me on my trip because it would take up more space. Also, I might not have brushed my teeth every night out of sheer laziness. So after my mom's interruption, I made a mental note to look into teeth whitening products.

So on Friday night, I stopped in my local Target to look at the Crest 3D white strips. I've had a $7 off coupon for some time, so I thought I'd finally use it. I figured that coupon would make a good dent into cutting my cost for a box of white strips. Upon finding the product, I was a bit shocked to see $39 for a 14-count pack of strips. Alrighty, I'm going to buy this because I need it but it will probably be on sale next week. And it is. I have the worst luck sometimes.

Last night was my 3rd night using the 30-minute strips. I think there is some improvement. I have this odd brown discolored specks on my bottom teeth and it's not as obvious anymore. So I'm curious to see how my teeth look after another week.

I might as well make some kind of change for the better, right? Besides, I need something with faster results besides my weight loss haha 'cause that's not working out too well. The next thing I might do is improving my skin. I've got uneven skin tone on my lower back. People think it's a big bruise, but it's actually from me scratching excessively. I'm also craving color in my hair, so I'm thinking about getting highlights before I go on my next business trip next month.

I'm just passing time. I might as well try to look good. :P

It's Not You Married Folks, It's Me

2011-06-09T20:01:00.000-04:00

I've been in a shitty mood lately because I'm hearing about wedding engagements left and right from all sorts of people. I'm going about this in the least passive-aggressive way possible, which is kinda silly because applicable people don't really read this, but I really need to get this off my chest.

I'm genuinely happy for everyone who's gotten engaged. Really. Truly. Happy.

However, I've got issues with this because everyone who is getting engaged is younger than me. I know age isn't supposed to matter and I shouldn't have to settle, but I'm frustrated that I haven't reached that point in my life yet. I'm probably not ready for marriage at all, but goshdarnit, why haven't I met him yet? Am I not deserving of being with someone?

Some days, I can forget about all this. But days like today, when I hear about kids I babysat getting married, I'm a little bitter. I'm older and wiser, but not the least bit happier.

Home Again

2011-06-06T15:26:00.001-04:00

I'm back home and it was so surprising (to me, at least) that everyone showed up at the airport to pick me up. I knew my dad would be there and my mom might tag along, but I didn't think my sister would too. Honestly, it felt good to be with family. I've come to appreciate the silly humor that flows freely among us all. It's something I didn't quite notice before.

I hadn't weighed myself in a while. Ok, well, I did weigh myself at my cousin's one morning because there was a scale there (which said I was 155 lbs...not sure if that was true). I was kind of nervous to weigh myself this morning because I felt kinda bloated.

Turns out I'm 152.8, which is really good because I was constantly afraid of gaining weight from traveling and for being with this new company which kinda indulges me with free food, drinks, etc. So I'm optimistic that I can kick ass this week and lose more weight since I'll be home with a consistent schedule.

My "serial dating" mojo is probably gone now that I'm living at home. I had fun doing it since it was something I hadn't done before. Oh, if anyone's wondering, I never saw Doc or Sport again before I left. I'm still not sure what it all means because they seemed interested; Sport especially since he's offered to take me out again the next time I'm in town AND he was making effort to see me last Thursday or last Friday, but he was too busy. Doc was too busy working. It was probably better this way.

I'm still dealing with a lot of issues about myself as I'm adjusting to change (you know, new job, "new" life, etc). I don't think my problems will ever go away because I still have so many insecurities and I want to find out what happens at the end of my life story. Do I succeed? Do I find "The One"? Do I eventually move out of my parents' house? I wish I had more answers or a good glimpse of the future.